55 Flash Fiction Friday: Big Help

We went to Costco to buy bulk baby diapers and two forty-pound bags of dog food. “Here let me help you with that” She said picking up the box of diapers.

“Are you sure you can handle all that?” I asked sarcastically, “Don’t worry, I’ve got them all. I’ll help you with all the feathers.”

Flash Fiction Friday is brought to you by susiestheboss and is also hosted by g-man. Also, a blog was recently established, dedicated to hosting only Flash Fiction Friday 55’s.

I bought AVENT bottles because the classes I took at the hospital strongly suggested that breastfeeding mom’s should use the AVENT nipples when bottle feeding because those nipples force the baby to suck in the same manner as if they were breastfeeding. This way there wouldn’t be very much confusion going between the two.

I’m generally leery of plastics to begin with. I’ve been systematically fazing out our plastic storage containers for glass. So a few weeks ago when I started seeing news reports about bisphenol-a (BPA) in baby bottles I blew it off as a rehash of the old story years ago about a girl that discovered di(ethylhexyl)adepate (DEHA) was found in plastic wrap and wanted to know the affect of microwaving it. I don’t own a microwave, but I know that acidic foods like tomato sauce will eat away at plastics as it’s microwaved, that alone is enough to make me not want to do it. Plastic ain’t natural ergo plastic deposits, no-matter the quantity, in my food makes me unhappy.

I did a preliminary search on BPA (yeah I know I just said I blew it off, that just means as I searched I wasn’t worried) and came across a blog dedicated to it. It seemed fanatical and all of the bad brands seemed to be the most common one while the good brands were ones I had never heard of and couldn’t find in stores. Surely, a hospital wouldn’t recommend a brand that was unsafe. Granted they only specified using ADVENT nipples not bottles, and classes I took were almost a year ago. Also, things change constantly. I have no idea how long BPA has been in the news. I tried to learn as much about baby stuff as I could before Sophia arrived, but because I intended to breastfeed types of bottles never made it to the top of the list. And there are too many products and recalls to keep up.

BPA showed up on the local news one night and then I came across this article:

April 22, 2008 By TARA PARKER-POPE - A Hard Plastic Is Raising Hard Questions

While most of the focus is on products for children, including clear plastic bottles and canned infant formula, the chemical is also used in food-storage containers, some clear plastic pitchers used for filtered water, refillable water bottles and the lining of soft-drink and food cans.

Holy crap it’s in can food too?!

Rat pups exposed to BPA, through injection or food, showed changes in mammary and prostate tissue, suggesting a potential cancer risk. In some tests of female mice, exposure appeared to accelerate puberty.

I always chalked up the accelerated puberty in humans to hormones in meats, but it could be this too.

The main concern is the possible risk to infants and pregnant women, although Canada has begun a study to monitor BPA exposure among about 5,000 people to assess any danger to adults.

Really Canada has just *begun* a study to monitor BPA? Funny because an article in the Kansas City Star that came out on the same day said that Canada BANNED PBA on the 18th of April.

But back to the NYTimes,

Virtually every canned product, even those labeled organic, has a liner with BPA.

That’s really scary.

Many of us put our faith in the FDA to keep the bad stuff of the shelves. The FDA’s stance as four days before Canada banned BPA was that they were going to think about it, but don’t stop using it until further notice – unless of course you’re concerned then go ahead and find something that doesn’t contain BPA.

April 19, 2008 By Lyndsey Layton and Christopher Lee - Canada Bans BPA From Baby Bottles

“We have immediately taken action on bisphenol A because we believe it is our responsibility to ensure families, Canadians and our environment are not exposed to a potentially harmful chemical,” Tony Clement, the minister of health, said in a statement.

Clement said the action was based on a review of 150 worldwide studies. “It’s pretty clear that the highest risk is for newborns and young infants,” he said in a telephone interview.

150 worldwide studies seems like a legitimate basis.

The debate over BPA, which has simmered for a decade, grew intense this week after the National Toxicology Program, an office within the National Institutes of Health, acknowledged in a draft report that the chemical might cause cancer and other serious disorders. The chemical mimics estrogen in the human body, scientists say.

Although the office does not regulate BPA, its findings are used by other federal agencies such as the FDA and the Environmental Protection Agency, which set safe exposure limits for chemicals.

On April 30, 2008 By Lyndsey Layton - Senators Propose Ban on Chemical in Plastics

This month, the National Toxicology Program, part of the National Institutes of Health, was the first federal agency to raise concerns about the effect of the chemical on fetuses, infants and children. “The report earlier this month was an eye-opener,” Schumer said. “Now we want to get one final, indisputable ruling, once and for all, on the effects of BPA on adults, and pregnant women in particular.”

But the chemical industry and the agencies that regulate the use of BPA, the Food and Drug Administration and the Environmental Protection Agency, have deemed the chemical safe.

The FDA’s handling of BPA is being investigated by the House Energy and Commerce Committee. Chairman John D. Dingell (D-Mich.) said he is concerned that the FDA based its safety rating on two studies, both funded by the chemical industry. More than 100 studies performed by government scientists and university laboratories have found health concerns associated with BPA; the industry-funded studies say it is safe.

May 2, 2008 By Susan DeFord - Nutrition Program Spurns Bottles, Cans With Chemical

Talks about the health department of Howard County Maryland not waiting for the federal government to take action.

Beilenson said there is “mounting evidence” that BPA exposure may be linked to conditions including cancer, diabetes and hyperactivity, as well as early onset of puberty, because it mimics the effects of the hormone estrogen. Last month, Canada banned the chemical’s use in baby bottles.

I find it odd that a chemical that’s been widely used in food cans and food storage containers since the 1950’s is suddenly hitting the news with such force. I question when politicians get behind a popular movement even if scientists don’t seem to support it, especially when elections are coming up *ahem* Clinton. But with my already natural tendency to try to keep things natural I’d rather play it safe and get rid of the BPA plastics that are used for food storage. Making my gut feeling stronger, a friend sent me a link to CNN…

May 14, 2008 - Former FDA Official Says FDA Approval Shouldn’t Bar Lawsuits

Food and drug companies, along with the FDA, have advocated before the Supreme Court a legal doctrine that would bar states and consumers from suing companies for products that have received FDA approval. This legal doctrine is known as ” preemption,” and has gained favor during the Bush administration.

House Government Reform and Oversight Committee Chairman Henry Waxman, D- Calif., said in an opening statement that preemption would take away “one of the most powerful incentives for safety - the threat of liability.”

This has nothing and everything to do with BPA.

American Chemistry Council insists that bisphenol A is safe and urges us to have faith in the underfunded FDA.

While consumers should have confidence in the safety of these products, we have called on the US Food and Drug Administration, as the premier authority on food safety in the US, to re-review the safety of bisphenol A for additional reassurance to the public on the safety of consumer products.

Yeah, uumm I don’t think so! I’m going to make my move away from plastics in my food containers a bit faster. That includes a move to less canned food!

Info on BPA and BPA-free products

I didn’t document when it started, but Sophia has been rolling from her back to tummy during diaper changes for about a month now. She loves to reach for the package of wipes because of the crinkly sound it makes. She’ll also reach for “Friend”.

4/17 - Pulled her self up to kneeling position in her bassinet - time to take out the bassinet part of the playpen!

4/24 - Can stand up in her playpen while hanging onto the edge and will move her hands around the edge so that she can move herself around the playpen perimeter.

4/30 – Not-a-Nanny brought Sophia to my work for lunch. I had just finished feeding Sophia and she was sitting on my leg facing her car seat. She reached up for the car seat and pulled herself to a standing position.

5/1 - Moves around the outside perimeter of the not-a-walker. I keep my hands around her incase she falls. She tries to stand without hanging onto anything and can do so for about a second.

5/3 - Not-a-Nanny and I spent the day driving around and going to stores. I felt like Sophia was getting bored, so when we were at Toys “R” Us I took her out of the cart and had her hang onto my hands to walk. She was more interested in playing on the floor, so I let her. She finally did a half push up!

5/5 - Sophia got her first stomach flu. On Friday the 2nd Kurt and I went to the daycare (she starts on the 19th) to meet the person that will be Sophia’s primary caregiver. We sent all of 45 minutes there and during that time, I had Sophia on the floor playing with toys that made it into her mouth. I cringed when I saw the first one go in but I figured, this is where she’ll be going to daycare so what the heck. I’m sure this is where she caught her flu bug.

5/8 - I was feeding her just before her bedtime. Even though we were in her room without distraction, she popped off and started reaching for her crib. You want to go in your crib? Nah. I looked around and she kept reaching, almost pointing. You want “Friend”? I got friend out of the crib, covered her, and she happily went back to eating. She is Kurt’s darling baby girl!

5/10 - She’s getting a lot more bold with the standing unassisted and can so do for about three seconds. She does really well just hanging onto something with one hand. She can move one foot in front of the other - otherwise known as walking while hanging onto my fingers. It took her a while to figure out the one foot in front of the other and she still doesn’t get it quite right every time.

I received an award from the amazing Emila for Mother’s day. Thanks so much for the award Emila!!

Other moms who received this award from Emila are:

1. Daliza
2. Elina
3. Rien Mais Tout
4. Almanac Queen
5. Apple of the Eyes
6. A Girl for All Status
7. And Life Goes on for a Filipino Mom
8. Annice
9. Bee Lee
10. Bless
11. Cheaper by the Half Dozen
12. Diane Duda
13. Eugeniagina
14. Janice Ng
15. Jones Family Circus
16. Kaytonite
17. KD Hamel
18. Khemy
19. Kim Cole
20. Laurel Gaylord
21. Love Angel
22. Lyna Usman Awang
23. Michelle Anne
24. Moms Checknyo
25. Mommy’s Little Corner
26. Momemo
27. Nadia
28. Nessa’s Mumblings
29. Nisah Haron
30. Onde-Onde
31. Poppy Cat Saffron
32. Regina’s Family Seasons
33. RichyReens
34. Ruby Minoza
35. Sandy Styl
36. Shades of Life
37. Soap Bubble
38. That Grrl
39. The 3 Heroes
40. Trinity
41. Valeria La Casuni

And I’d like to pass this Mother’s Day Award to:
Sarah, Mrs. Flinger, Sarcastic Mom, Janice, and Jenifer

This rant is brought to you by this post on Seattle Mom Blogs. I agree with the post itself, but some of the comments make my ass twitch, so for anyone anti GTA4…

I love when people get all upset about certain games/books/movies and act like society has just taken another step into depravity. I read books about serial killers. I have a collection of such books that take up almost a whole bookcase. I don’t know what draws me to the theme, but it’s what I read. As a matter a fact I read my first one at about age 13. My favorite serial killer books are ones that about killers from around the 1800’s long before the term “serial killer” was coined. They used to blame dime novels for youth committing despicable acts in the past. Yet I know of a ten year-old serial killer from that time (Jesse Pomeroy) that never read one (came up in court testimony). Yes, that’s right - child serial killers existed LONG before violent video games.

Violence in humans is not new. Violence is a part of human nature (don’t shake your head, it is, just look at our history). Some of us are more violent than others. Repress it, ignore it, or try to hide it – it ain’t going away. Reading books, watching movies, and playing violent video games – for some they are outlets for stress, entertainment, or a socially acceptable intake/outlet for our violent nature. I’d personally rather do any of the three than go to a public hanging or war. So untwist the puritan panties and just accept Grand Theft Auto IV has been released for public consumption.

Don’t try to tell me that I’m allowing my kid to see or know too much too soon for conservative sensibilities. I’ll raise mine and you raise yours. The neighbor or neighbor’s children playing a video game isn’t going to affect other lives anymore than gays being allowed to marry will affect heterosexual marriages. It’s not going to cause normal people to behave in antisocial ways. Nor does it make violent crimes seem acceptable. Even if books and movies are based on real life there is a huge difference between those and committing/experiencing real life violent crimes (Mostly the smells - If we had scratch and sniff TV I’d be right there with you. Some smells are just too foul). I don’t care how true to life Hollywood makes their movies or how much worse video games seem with their interactive format, the only people that try what they see in real life are ether not mature enough to view these things without supervision (hence ratings for the parental heads up) or they’re simply touched in the head and it wouldn’t have taken much for them to make the antisocial leap. Either way despite the frequency in which we hear about crimes on the news it’s not on the rise.

We were a much more violent society in the past than we are now the difference is that we have 24hr coverage of every little thing that happens, which makes it seem so much more prolific. Really if you want to assign some blame for the perpetuating of violent crime – I would blame the overcrowding of jails with petty drug offenses and releasing actual violent criminals back into society. Rapists and murderers should NEVER be released back into society, and yes, I’m one of those whack-jobs that thinks drugs should be legalized (not just marijuana).

Last night Sophia woke up at eleven for her regular feeding only she didn’t eat much. I contemplated whether I should have waited longer to see if she would simply fall asleep again without the late night feeing or if she really did need that little bit that she took. At five thirty in the morning I woke up to Kurt’s alarm clock – wow she pretty much slept through the night! I pumped a ton of milk since she didn’t eat during the night and then I checked on her around six. She was still laying in the same direction I left her in last night. At six-thirty when Kurt opened the garage door to take his motorcycle to work Sophia work up. She was quiet but not very smiley. I picked her up. Her hair and shoulders were all wet and so was the whole area her head laid in. Hhhmm, did she throw up or did she just spit up a lot? She wasn’t running a fever and except for the lack of smiles, she didn’t seem sick at all. It must have been spit up. I changed her diaper – not very heavy at all for a morning diaper. That was odd.

I set her in the center of our bed and hooked the not-a-Johnny-Jump-Up to the bathroom door frame. She just sat there quietly watching me. She must not be fully awake yet. I grabbed the clothes I intended to wear for the day and put them at the foot of the bed. Then I was about to pick her up to place her in the not-a-Johnny-Jump-Up when milk came gushing out of her mouth all over the down comforter. OHMYGOD – I didn’t know a baby could contain so much fluid. She heaved milk onto our bed about three times. After the first one I just waited for her to finish. The comforter was soaked so there was no sense in moving her and getting it all over the carpet too. Done? Ok let’s change your clothes…AGAIN. I woke up our not-the-nanny in a semi-frantic oh-my-god-what-do-I-do sort of way. I called the doctor and reached his absolutely useless answering service. Seriously what use is an answering service if they can’t schedule appointments?

I took Sophia downstairs and gave her a sippy cup with the milk I just pumped to replace some of what she spewed on our bed. She did a good job drinking some of it and then up it came again. This time it came with a lot more force. Her tiny little face turned red and she was gagging on now greenish vomit. I’m guessing this third episode totally emptied her tummy. Now she looked sick and the poor baby seemed scared. I called the doctor at eight and got an appointment for nine forty-five. He’s really an awesome doctor. He said not to bother trying to give her solid foods. Just try to keep her hydrated with breast milk and clear fluids like Pedialyte, diluted white grape juice (75% white grape juice with 25% water), and of course water.

Other than some very long naps, she spent the day clinging to me and threw up another three or four times. I lost count.

I was going to write this story for Heads or Tails Tuesday last week since the prompt was to share a special memory, but because the special memory I intended to write about was Sophia’s birth story I figured it would work for this week’s topic, Mother just as well.

Kurt and I tried to conceive for a year and a half. I only mention it because I would have loved to tell Sophia that she was conceived in a castle in Spain, but she blew it. Apparently, the stubbornness gene is very strong. Sophia was conceived after ruining my Christmas with a monthly cycle. I gave up on that day, broke down and decided to buy tickets to Vegas for our eighth anniversary. I wound up going to Vegas nine weeks pregnant and extremely tired! I worked up to the bitter end of my pregnancy. Although I was so tired, I felt like I wasn’t going to make it during the first trimester I didn’t see why not work since I have a desk job. There were a few days that my supervisor would come up to see where I was on my projects before I made my announcement at work that I was so tired he would jokingly ask if I was on drugs. What’s funny is that the HR department selected our whole department to be randomly tested soon after he started making those jokes. Sometimes I wonder about those coincidences, anyway…I worked up to the end.

I convinced my employer to let me work from home the last week of my pregnancy. The last day at the physical office, I filled out all of my time sheets and leave slips. I put down that my last day of work would be my due date and planned to start leave on that date even if Sophia came late. I started working from home on Thursday, September 20th. The next day I went into the office to change my leave slip to make Monday the 24th my last day of work. I wasn’t feeling good and just wanted the whole thing to end.

Monday I spent the not just working from home but working in my bed, still in my PJs. It was awesome! After work, I went to some stores looking for a vegetable steamer basket. I only remember that because I stayed up late that night blogging about it and as my friend pointed out that post is probably what started my labor. I posted it at a quarter to midnight then surfed around commenting on other blogs. I figured I didn’t have to work in the morning, so why not stay up.

At about two in the morning, I decided to go to bed except that when I lay down I kept feeling my stomach hurt. It wasn’t a stomachache – it was more like mild cramps that came and went. I thought might be Braxton hicks’ contractions. I hadn’t felt anything like it through the whole pregnancy - maybe these were them, I tried to sleep through it. No luck. I know! I’ll change positions – that’s supposed to make them go away. I stood up and walked around. I waddled from room to room. Nope, still there. Damn, I’m getting sleepy.

2:30 a.m. - these cramps just keep coming! Shit! OHMYGOD – this is the real thing! Should I wake up Kurt? These don’t really hurt that bad, I can handle this. I’ll wait on waking up Kurt for now.

3am – HOLY SHIT THIS HURTS! I can’t take this. Time to wake up Kurt! I waddled into the master bedroom and an especially painful contraction hit. Kurt woke up, “What’s wrong?”

“It’s time!”

For a split second, he looked very confused, as if to say, “How can this be? She’s not scheduled to arrive until the 27th. See, look here on the spreadsheet.” Kurt jumped out of bed, looked at me, and then leaned over and said, “Oh my god I think I’m going to be sick.” I will never forget those words because at that moment I was thinking, “Don’t you dare force me to be the strong levelheaded one right now!”

Kurt snapped out of it quickly. He got into his drive the land whale to the hospital clothes. He asked me how long I had been having the contractions and how far apart they were. My answer, “Since three a.m. and I have no idea, that’s what you’re here for.” He and found a note pad to record the times that my contractions hit. He tried to find the books that we got from the hospital because despite all of our planning neither one of us thought to post the number to triage in a handy spot. It took us a while to remember where I put the books and then it took a while longer for us to realize that the number was conveniently printed in the front of the book, and not somewhere in the middle.

The contractions started out at ten minutes apart and each time one hit there was not comfortable position to be found. I tried kneeing at the bed, sitting on the bed, sitting on the toilet, standing, standing slightly hunched over. At one point I remember sitting on the bed and moving across it backwards. Kurt mostly watched on in wonder as if I was one of the freak sideshows at the circus. He offered to try one of the positions mentioned in class and I went with it, but it wasn’t working for me. I pushed him away and continued my silliness of moving across the bed backwards and making useless trips to the bathroom.

Apparently, many of the sounds I made during my contractions were very much like the ones I make during sexcapades. “Is it wrong that you’re turning me on right now?” He asked. No, not really, but it is wrong that you decided to let me know what you’re thinking. Freak. What is it about guys that allows them to get all turned on when we’re sick with rivers of snot flowing out our nose or waddling around like a five foot eight duck that swallowed a beach ball that’s about to be delivered out the other end?

After three or four contractions at ten minutes apart, it went down to eight, and then the next one was six, then four. By this time, I was crying. “What’s wrong?” He asked.

“It feels just like my miscarriage.” I said. I repeated that a few times and Kurt assured me after each utterance that this time I would have a baby. I must have been having some sort of psychotic episode because I still had my doubts, and it really did feel just like the miscarriage I had nine years earlier.

After a couple contractions at four minutes apart, I told Kurt it was time to go to the hospital. “Ok” he said. I could tell he only said, “Ok” because that’s what they told the partners to say in class. I’ll call triage. He called the hospital at about 4:15 and they told him that because it was my first baby that we should wait until I had been at four minutes for at least a couple hours. And my uterus was all WTF? Kurt then proceeded to try to stall me. “Why don’t you go brush your teeth first?” He said. I obediently went and brushed my teeth. Then he said that he was going to go do the dishes - “You don’t really want Angel to see all the dishes in the sink when she comes to feed the animals do you?”

“I don’t give a shit, we need to GO” I said. My contractions were now three minutes apart. Kurt called triage at 4:30 to tell them we were on our way. He ran around the house doing god knows what. I felt like he was still stalling. I was getting really annoyed, but didn’t say anything. It was finally time for me to get in the car. Kurt cracked some joke that I don’t remember and didn’t laugh at. “Boy you must be in pain” he said. Do ya think!? On our way to the hospital, Kurt stopped for gas. I wanted to kill him, but I needed a driver. He only put a gallon in the tank but it took F-O-R-E-V-E-R! We arrived at the hospital around 5:30. As we walked into the admitting area, I had a contraction. I sat on a chair, got up, leaned on a wall, waddled to another wall and leaned on it. There was a brief pause and then it started again. This marked the beginning of my one-minute apart contractions that lasted forty five seconds. The nurse in the admitting area must have missed the pause because she said, “Is that still the same one?” Lady, you really aren’t helping!

Even though I pre-registered with the hospital months ago, there were still some papers to sign, T’s to cross, I’s to dot, and all that time consuming jazz. Finally, I was escorted to some area that rang of the ER. It was a large room with about four to six beds. I really didn’t count the beds. It wasn’t on my short list of priorities at that particular moment. The nurses hooked me up to some machines to monitor my heart rate and measure contractions. A nurse checked my cervix. Only two centimeters dilated, but there was some blood. The “bloody show” has officially begun.

My contractions were now consistently one minute apart and lasting F-O-R-E-V-E-R!! I was beginning to freak out. I kept saying, “Make it stop!” I was in a bed in a sitting position and at the beginning of each contraction, my first impulse was to reach for the top of the bed and pull myself up it. I was pretty much climbing the walls. I wanted my epidural and I wanted it NOW!! The nurse explained that they couldn’t give me anything without my doctor’s permission. Damn it!

I was so scared of this step of the whole process. Those movies they shoe in the birth classes really don’t help. My legs began to shake uncontrollably. It freaked me out. Kurt asked for some washcloths to put on my thighs. I can’t remember if he asked for warm or cold, but I did remember that it was something they told the partner to do in the class we took. I couldn’t control my breathing so I started hyperventilating. With each contraction I repeated, “Make it stop!” I could hear some nurses in the background giggling. They were probably laughing at me, but I really didn’t give a shit. I could tell that everyone including Kurt thought my saying, “make it stop” was a plea to make the baby stop coming, but that’s not what I meant. I just didn’t have the capacity to explain what I wanted was for some one to relieve the pain, NOW! After a few more contractions, my lips felt numb. I told Kurt, because for some reason I thought it might be in his power to fix the numbness. With each contraction, I became more scared and started hyperventilating even more. My fingers and forearms started to feel numb. I felt like I was going to throw up. Kurt asked for a bucket. The nurse yelled at Kurt to calm me down or I would pass out, and Kurt looked at her like, “Are you fuckin’ kidding me, she won’t listen to me.” He gave it a shot anyway.

Kurt very calmly tried to get me to follow his breathing pattern. I gave it a shot, but I had such a hard time following direction. He kept trying and I kept trying. We finally came to a happy medium when he stopped trying to micromanage each breath and just let me know when I’m going too fast. Breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth - ssslllooowww. I wanted anything to focus on other than the pain, so I complied. I focused on Kurt’s mouth. Yep that gaping hole was my focal point. Love you hun. After each contraction, I took another sip of water and Kurt took a couple seconds to wipe my spittle off his glasses.

Seven in the morning was shift change. After a lot of praise on how well I had been handling my contractions since Kurt started helping me with my breathing I was introduced to Kim, the nurse that would deliver Sophia. She told me my doctor had approved pain medication for me. She said that it wouldn’t eliminate the pain, it would just change the way I felt about it. She administered a half dose of fentanyl via my iv. She said she would give me the second half when we got to my room. I had a few more contractions before I was moved into a wheelchair. They seemed so much easier to manage and I felt like I was getting a good fifteen-minute nap in-between each one. I later learned from Kurt that I was only closing my eyes for fifteen seconds.

We arrived at my room. My cervix was checked again. I was now at six centimeters. My doctor popped in. He said that he had heard about my morning.
“Yeah I was climbing the walls earlier.”

“Yep, that’s what I heard.” He told the nurse she should really read my birth plan. He said that he made copies and all the nurses in his office loved it.

I got the other half of my drugs. Ahh drugs. At nine, I received my epidural. The nurse had asked me what I expected to feel after the epidural and how much I wanted to feel – I don’t want to feel ANYTHING! I had felt quite enough in the last few hours. I don’t need to feel anymore of it. We invented, cultivated, synthesized, refined all kinds of drugs so that we don’t have to go through the pain our ancestors did and I want to take advantage of that technology. Natural birth is scary thing and I’ll let someone else go through it. That shit is not my bag baby!

The epidural went in easily, however I could still feel my contractions so they tried to up the dose, nope still there. The anesthesiologist had to come in again, pull the tape off my back, and push the needle in a little further. AAaahhh all better. After it kicked in all I felt was a little pressure with each contraction. At ten, the doctor broke my water and then we just waited for Sophia to drop into position. Kurt ran down to the car to grab the birth plan, which was almost pointless by this time. It was more for comic relief for the nurse than anything else.

I can’t remember if Kurt took this time to start making calls or not. I remember that we sat around and talked for a while. It was really odd to me to think that this time had finally arrived.

At noon the nurse came in to check on Sophia’s position for the umpteenth million time and she was right there. It was time to push. The doctor came in to check things out and while he was there, commented on the interesting pattern on my feet. I wore sandals (without socks – because that’s how sandals should be worn) and I had a tiger striped tan line on my feet. Note to self – if I ever get to do this again take the frickin’ time to put on socks before the doctor comes in.

The nurse asked if I felt the urge to push. I felt nothing, but she was right there, so it was time. I pushed with each contraction a few times and then the nurse said with one more push she’ll be out. YIKES! I asked the nurse if I would feel this part. She seemed to understand that I really needed to know if there was any chance I might feel the pain. She said it would be and intense pain as the head crowned but that it would be brief. Push push push push. “Guess what color her hair is?” The doctor asked me. I just smiled. Well that answers that question. “Shall I make it into a Mohawk” he asks showing the nurse. Wow, really, there’s THAT much hair. Holy crap! “Ok one more push and we’ll get the head out” She told me that about three more times. I just didn’t have the energy for the third push. My first two pushes one each contraction were really strong, the third, not so much.

“Are you tired of pushing?” The nurse asked in a sympathetic voice.

“Yes!”

“Well then push harder!” I laughed at her drill sergeant like attempt. That stuff didn’t work when I was in the military either. She decided to try another position/method for me to use. She got a bar out with a towel or sheet wrapped around it. The bar was at my feet and I was to hang onto the towel. The doctor explained that I was going to push just the head out then stop while he cleared her mouth and then I would push the shoulders out.

I didn’t feel the crowning at all. They had to tell me when to stop pushing. She came out crying. I pushed the shoulders through without any problem and the doctor held her up for us to see. She had meconium all over her back side. The nurses took her and wiped her up, wrapped her in a receiving blanket, and handed her to me. I cried.

To the tune of “I Love Rock and Roll” by Joan Jett - Dirty Kurtie’s version goes like this:

I saw mom sittin’ there by the milkin’ machine
I knew my diaper probably wasn’t clean
The pump was going strong, playing my favorite song
And I could tell it wouldn’t be long till she fed me
Yeah me
And I could tell it wouldn’t be long till she fed me
Yeah me

Singin’ I love mommy’s boob
So whip one out and feed the baby
I love mommy’s boob
It’s breakfast time, so just feed me