This is an excerpt of an IRC chat between Smarmoofus (AKA not-a-nanny) and I about Sophia’s “separation anxiety” last night…
Smarmoofus: Seriously, though… Sophia isn’t emotional, like, sad, when you stop making her the center of your attention, right? She’s angry.
Smarmoofus: Correct?
Smarmoofus: It is NOT separation anxiety, or any other sort of anxiety. She’s messing with you.
Me: yeah, she’s angry
Smarmoofus: I wouldn’t worry about it.
Smarmoofus: When you stop responding to it, eventually (and she’s stubborn, so this is a LONG eventually) she will stop.
Me: When Kurt and I went for that walk we tested – He handed her back to me briefly and she calmed right down.
Me: She is a little shit.
Smarmoofus: Yup. She’s messing with you.
Smarmoofus: You’re going to just have to get used to the screaming.
Me: crap
Me: :S
Smarmoofus: She’s smart and stubborn. You created a mini you.
Me: shit shit shit!
Smarmoofus: hehehehhehehe
I agree totally. She knows she has you right where she wants you. That you will give in. If you want to reclaim your life you must be stern and make her entertain herself a little. Put her in her playpen with a bunch of her favorite toys and let her scream. She will eventually get the idea that mom is not going to be at her beck and call. It will be tough but persist and soon you will both be a lot happier.
Gramma Claudia – I know I give in sometimes, but it’s not all the time. I don’t think it’s even that often.
When you first went back to work, she was sad because you weren’t there and I was doing all the things that Mommy was supposed to do. I consoled her as best I could, but still went through the daily routine because we didn’t have a choice. She needed to be dressed, fed, brought to see you, changed, etc. The second day, she cried a bit less and it wasn’t as sad, more angry. After a couple of days, she realized that Mommy came home every day, and she got used to the new routine, and the tears stopped.
Just do what you need to do, and she’ll get used to your new routine. It helps that you don’t have to console her, since nothing is really wrong.
smarmoofus – hhmm I wonder if she was still recovering from our Christmas trip and not used to our new/old routine.
I always feel really guilty going to work and class at night. I know the kids get used to not needing you, but do we get used to not being needed by them? Damn guilt
Can you tell I’m too tired for sharing amusing annecdotes? Damn I’m tired. I’ll try better next time