The Stumbly Bumbly Boy

I can put Lukas on the floor without having to make sure his footing before letting him go, but he’s still the most stumbly pinball toddler I’ve ever seen. If I ever need to use the bathroom out in public I don’t dare bring him in the stall with me. The last time I did that we were at the swimming pool. I didn’t want to leave him on the bench for fear he would fall off, so I brought him in the stall with me. The boy stumbled into the little trash thing meant for “sanitary napkins” and other such stupidly euphemistic feminine products, then wobbled backwards hitting the closed-door, fell to the floor, and almost hit his head on the toilet bowl. I now set him on the bench. I no longer worry about him falling off. He’s actually able to slid down on his own, though he usually doesn’t. He actually waits for me to give him a hand before sliding down.

The two parks we frequented during the summer have a sort of suspension bridge. Lukas is really good about hanging onto the rail as he tries to cross but his feet always slip out from under him. He fell off it twice. Once I was running toward the bridge after helping Sophia with something else. I didn’t get there fast enough and I watched the boy fall two or three feet to the ground…flat on his belly. He bounced off the ground a bit and had the wind knocked out of him. The second time I was actually standing right beside him with one arm in front and one behind him. He slipped and I simply couldn’t catch the wiggly child. I was able to break the fall somehow and he didn’t bounce that time. My heart however was bouncing all over the goddamn place and an iced umbrella drink would have been quite welcomed.

I stopped going to that park and went to the other one with a similar bridge. I also stopped letting him wear those slippy shoes and opted for rubber boots. Bad idea. This time he got his foot caught between the platform of the play equipment and the first metal plate of the suspension bridge. He fell onto the bridge and received a huge bruise on his thigh. This child is solely responsible for the new little patch of grey hairs on the front left side of my head.

I gave up on those parks and opted for a third park. This one also had a suspension bridge. What the fuck is it with this area and their goddamn slippery-in-the-rain metal suspension bridges? The bridge at place is much more taut, doesn’t have gaps between the platform and first plate, and thus far hasn’t been a problem. Nope, at this park the stationary arced bridge, that was the problem. On the way down the perfectly stationary bridge Lukas tripped on absolutely nothing and fell giving himself a bloody lip. Donations of bubble wrap for the boy would be greatly appreciated. A bump helmet might be nice as well.

Lukas trips on nothing all around the house all the time. I don’t worry too much about the clumsiness. He seems to inherit that from his father. Kurt as a toddler fell a lot as well. The big difference between Lukas and his father as a baby is that Lukas actually puts his arms out when he falls so until Halloween morning he didn’t get to inherit the nickname, “unicorn boy

Unicorn Boy

Say hello to Unicorn Boy Jr. He fell down the cement step going from the house to the garage. This picture really doesn’t do the bruise on the forehead justice. That thing is huge. It puffs out so far my poor boy looks like a caveman. The red on his nose and under his eye I believe are just scrapes from the bristly door mat at the bottom of the step.

Halloween morning we were headed out to buy a pumpkin trick-or-treat bucket for my forgotten second child. I told the kids to wait while I got their coats from the closet, but one of them opened the garage door. Sophia was in the garage and I turned to see Lukas standing at the threshold. The door to the garage closing behind him before he had a chance to figure out how to navigate that one cement step down. The door isn’t that heavy but it doesn’t take anything at all for the stubbly child. It hit him and down he went. There was a long delay before the crying started.

2 thoughts on “The Stumbly Bumbly Boy

  1. This is so much like me experiences that it is eerie. Did I tell you Bella walked into a parked car, bounced back , then proceeded to walk right back into it? She’s hit her head so many times it isn’t funny.

    • Eerie. very eerie that our first born babies look so much a like and that our second born babies act a lot alike. I can’t decide if it would be a good or bad thing for them to all meet.

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