While I was cooking dinner yesterday evening we were watching M*A*S*H as per our usual. It’s one of the few shows we like that can be watched in front of children. Yes, I know. It’s a war show. Whatever. Bite me. Other than The Big Bang Theory, M*A*S*H is about as close as we get to child friendly in this house unless it’s an actual kid’s show. In this particular episode a local couple were due to have their first baby. Radar and Hawkeye to go to the village and pick up Mrs. Kwang and bring her back to the camp. She went into labor before reaching camp, so the delivery took place in the vehicle.
While watching the part where the woman is in full on labor Sophia asks, “Is she hurt?”
Kurt, “She’s having a baby.”
Sophia still confused about why the woman was moaning, groaning, and writhing in pain, “Doesn’t she want her baby?”
Kurt, “Mom you’re on.” Shit. Thanks a lot.
Me, “The baby was growing in her belly and it’s time for it to come out.”
Sophia, “And it hurts?”
Me, “Yes.” And of course after I got us through the difficult part of the conversation Kurt, the super hero that he is, took over again. Jack Wagon. I want my praise dammit. I got us though the minefield unscathed! I didn’t have to mention the penis, vagina, birth canal, or any sort of genital squishing. That was some mighty fine tap dancing if I do say so myself. Simply marvelous. I answered the question honestly without going beyond its scope. Where’s my frickin’ medal?!
Kurt goes on to ask, “Do you remember when mom had a big belly?”
Kurt, “Lukas was growing inside her belly. Then she had Lukas and he was only this big.”