Author Archives: Erica

About Erica

I'm originally from Alaska. I worked as a mega web geek (I’m still a mega mega web geek and can answer any blog or other web geekery questions) prior to motherhood. Kurt was my live-in-non-hubby for ten years. We were happily unmarried until our tenth anniversary when we tied the knot in a courthouse so that I could remain a stay-at-home-mom and receive health insurance. Damn our hyper-tight-panty society and their stupid gotta-be-married-unless-you’re-gay rules. We currently live somewhere in western Washington where I spend my days alternating between entertaining the Princess Preschooler and feeding and changing The Boy.

My Literal Snow White

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Sophia’s “grandma” from our old neighborhood gave Sophia a book with three princess stories, one of which is Snow White. There is a part in the story where Snow White is running through a forest and all the trees have faces and the limbs are like hands with claws. Sophia asked me, “Why does the trees have claws?”

I told her the trees didn’t really have claws. I said that Snow White was very scared and so the forest looked scary to her. I’ve read the story to her several times now, and each time she asks the same thing. She doesn’t get it and still keeps asking about the trees with claws.

My little engineer is much too literal, but on the upside, my child doesn’t ever get scared of imaginary things. She looks at things and easily determines, “that isn’t real”.

Don't take my picture!

Picture taken 3/5/2012. Sophia didn't want her picture taken in her "yellow princess dress", so this is the best I could do.

NaBloPoMo March 2012

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Baby Picasso’s Blue Period

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The boy will eat just about anything that isn’t green and doesn’t mind really digging into his food. It’s quite a difference from his sister who at about the same age was eating rice one grain at a time and didn’t like to touch squishy foods. When I feed Lukas oatmeal in the morning, he will pick out any bits that fall onto his clothes or on his tray and try to put it back in the bowl, but aside from that he has no problem with mess making merriment.

hey these are squishable Oh and I think they taste good tooI see you. Don't you take my food!Mmm these really are good.Guess how many I have in my mouth.It even colored my tongue.

Seafood!

Pictures taken 3/3/2012.

NaBloPoMo March 2012

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Toothy Feeding challenges

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Since starting Lukas on solid foods, he has been quite the eater. When he was four months, we had hoped that the rice cereal would help him sleep longer than an hour or two at night. It didn’t. Of course everyone suggested, “Maybe it’s his teeth!” Sure it was. Do you know when the boy finally got his first tooth? EXACTLY ONE WEEK BEFORE HIS FIRST BIRTHDAY, Thanksgiving Day. I was feeding him a jar of turkey and vegetable Gerber dinner when I noticed that little white spot poking through his gums. His bottom front tooth on the right side was the first to arrive.

It was around that time that he also started sleeping better at night. He was down to only waking once during the night, but I doubt it was because of his tooth. It was a combination of figuring out what foods to feed a baby with no teeth (at the time) and still give him enough calories and we learned that this baby needed to be bundled up in layers at night. As a newborn he hated being swaddled. Hated it. He wanted his arms free because he’s a twitchy little shit and wants to move constantly, but he needed a ridiculous amount of layers. The boy sleeps in a onesie, shirt, socks, fleecy footed PJs, and a sweatshirt.

The boy eats a ridiculous amount of food. As of the end of January, Lukas would eat four to five meals a day. For breakfast, he would eat an adult portion of oatmeal with raisins. For second breakfast, he would eat a medium to large banana, and a four-ounce fruit cup. Lunch consisted of a six-ounce yogurt and another four-ounce fruit cup. Then dinner would be a six ounce jar of Gerber baby food and yet another four ounce fruit cup plus to graham crackers.

Lukas finally started getting more teeth mid-February. The second bottom front tooth started making an appearance along with a molar on the bottom right and the two front top teeth are coming in at the same time. Now that the boy finally has some teeth, he’s insisting that he not eat baby food. He wants to feed himself everything with his own hands. So now he literally eats like a bird. The child eats half his weight in food every day and about a third of it lands in his chair or on the floor. The food-flinging radius is astonishing.

Lukas happily feeding himself

Picture taken 2/29/12

NaBloPoMo March 2012

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Psychic Mom Toy Donations

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It looked as if a Chinese toy factory had exploded in my living room right after Christmas. After cleaning up all the paper and boxes the things came in, and then trying to force the new toys to look orderly amongst all the old toys, we decided that some of the old toys needed new homes.

Lukas with his new stacking alphabet

Picture taken 12/24/2011. The great Chinese toy explosion of 2011.

Sophia received a Curious George book

Check out her outfit. Pepto Bismol pink shirt that reads, "Big Sister" slightly covered by black cardigan sweater, lime green leggings, and pink swim shorts with white polka-dots.

We very carefully explained to Sophia that we should give some of the old toys to kids who don’t have as many. We said that we would put the toys in a box and bring it to a place that will find kids who need them. I put out a box and Kurt began picking toys and asking if she wanted to keep it or give it to other kids. She put all three of her dolls in the box. We asked her if her doll stroller should go too. “No, that’s for baby Moose.”

Some of the toys she didn’t want we had her give to Lukas because he could grow into them. Nearly all of her stuffed animals went into the box. She even put Bear and Rabbit in the box, which made us question if she truly understood that she would not be seeing these toys again. I pulled Bear and Rabbit out when she wasn’t looking and hid them in my closet. I’m not sure if she saw me and suspected something, but later Sophia looked in the box and said, “Momma why you put this Lukas toy in there?”

“Oh oops that was an accident.” One toy Lukas had just received had ended up in the box.

Anytime Lukas does something like pull Sophia’s hair, we of course “scold” him (ever so gently) and then tell Sophia that he doesn’t know that pulling hair hurts her because he’s just a baby. Therefore, when Lukas drops food or any little thing that breaks any tiny rule Sophia says, “Momma, he doesn’t know, he’s just a baby.”

So Sophia went to Kurt to tell him about the toy slip up, “Daddy, momma put Lukas toy in the box for udder kids.” Then Sophia continued, “She didn’t know, she’s just a baby momma.”

A few days after filling the donation box we went geocaching for the first time with our new Magellan eXplorist 310. I pulled one of the small stuffed animals out of the donation box to use as a geocaching treasure swap. Sophia who remembered that toy had been put into the donation box promptly scolded me, “That’s for udder kids”. I put it toy back in the box.  I was convinced she understood, but I was still going to keep those particular two stuffed animals out of the box.

When I finally took that box to Goodwill Sophia cried rivers. R-I-V-E-R-S! She was crying for Bear and Rabbit.  I tried to explain that I already pulled them out and that they were in my closet, but it did no good.  The box went to donation and I drove the car of tears, lamentation and teeth gnashing straight home, went right to my closet and gave her bear and rabbit.

And then, then the little shit says, “Why did you take bear and rabbit out ah the box?” Because, you adorable little shit, I knew you didn’t really want to give them away. I should have stomach ulcers on top of stomach ulcers from that child. She drives me absolutely crazy!

NaBloPoMo March 2012

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Japanese Speech Revelations…

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Kurt told one of his coworkers a Sophia phrase he thought was cute. The coworker then asked him what my native language was. I don’t remember what the phrase was that he told the person, but the fact that was asked lets me know just how far off her speaking ability is for her age…and for it being her primary (only) language.

Weeks ago, Kurt was indulging his argumentative side with yet another documentary about the Pacific rim side of World War II, the viewing of which involves a lot of debate with a TV about the facts of World War II. In this particular movie a Japanese man who was then eight years old recalled the day before the bomb, “We were playing ah-whose-ah-going-to-be-it.” It was then that it occurred to me, my daughter must have been switched at birth with a girl from a Japanese family.

The way Sophia speaks, it’s as if she constantly has to translate in her head and even then I must translate her word order into an American English order for myself to understand. A conversation with her involves a lot of frustration and far too many questions. It hurts my head.

Hammin' it up

Picture taken 2/14/2012. She totally looks Japanese, right?

NaBloPoMo March 2012

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Water, the cause of puking

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In the middle of the night way back in December I woke up to Sophia throwing up ALL OVER. It even woke up Kurt. I cleaned up while he brought some water to Sophia. He encouraged her to drink some and get the puke taste out of her mouth. Not long after drinking the water she puked again.

The next day Sophia asked Kurt why he gave her the water, “when I was froating up?” Kurt explained he was just trying to help her get the bad taste out of her mouth. She then asked, “why you make me froating up with water?” Kurt then tried to explain that it wasn’t the water that made her sick, but uumm she’s 4.

At least two times after that, something would trigger the memory of that night in her mind and she would very accusingly ask Kurt the same questions.

Fast forward to Monday last week, that morning the cat threw up…

“Momma what’s Bay-wee doing?”
“He’s throwing up.”
“Froating up?”
“Yes.”
Then my child, who drives me bat shit crazy, told me, “You give Bay-wee some water!”

I can just see it, if the cat threw up again, “why you make baywee froating up with the water?”
“Because I hate him, ok?” All those threats to drop-kick him up and down the stairs were serious (not really).

ohmygawd that kid kills me.

Sophia smiles

Picture taken 2/15/12. Sophia came home excited about the valentine's day party they had at preschool.

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When Santa Came to Town

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The Target toy sales magazine came in the mail in either late October or early November. Whenever it was, that day Sophia was being particularly annoying vying for my undivided attention. I gave her the sales magazine, “Here circle all the things you want Santa to bring you and then we’ll cut them out and paste them on paper.”

“Santa?”

“Yes, at Christmas Santa delivers toys to all the kids, so make a list so he knows what you want.”

“Oh, ok!”

She of course circled damn near everything in the magazine. Some of the toys she picked out were a little young for her. Once we cut everything out and pasted it on a one-sheet “list”, it took up both sides of the paper, but one toy she seemed to want over all the others. The “tiger toy” she called it. It was actually a Samurai castle. I was excited that for once I might be buying something she wants and not just things I’d like her to have, but I wasn’t sure I should get it for her since called it a “tiger toy”. I feared she would be disappointed in it. I told Kurt about it and he was overjoyed she had picked that out, “That’s my girl!”

Sophia's list for Santa

The Samurai Castle (aka tiger toy) is the one at the top.

A few weeks passed and a pile of her school projects covered her Santa list on the counter. “Can Santa bring me a tiger toy?” She asked unexpectedly one day.

I was puzzled for a moment about what she was referring to, “Tiger toy?”

“Yes!”

“Oh, he might get you one honey. I don’t know. It’s up to Santa.” We don’t use Santa as a threat for good behavior. I’m sure she’d give the four year-old equivalent of, “Santa can go fuck himself” if we demanded she eats so much as a strawberry or she won’t get toys. We just want to keep Santa all fun and magical.

There were a few other instances of her asking if Santa was going to bring her the tiger toy, and then finally the week before Christmas I told her, “We’re going to a Christmas party and Santa is going to be there. Why don’t you take your list and you can show him what you want.” Oh she was excited! I was curious if she would actually tell Santa what she wanted. I knew, just knew she would never sit on his lap.

Historically the visit to Santa hasn’t gone so well. After the first Christmas, we never pushed the issue. We simply went to the Christmas party and gave her the opportunity to sit quietly clinging to me and observe other human children in their unnatural sugar high Christmas environment. This year Sophia surprised the hell out of me. I know she has changed A LOT, to which I give more credit to her preschool than to natural maturity, but I didn’t expect this. When Santa arrived, Sophia came to me asking for her list. I gave it to her and she sat in front of Santa with all the other children. A few kids went up one at a time to sit on Santa’s lap and then it was her turn. I believe all it took was for Kurt to let her know it was her turn and she went right up, holding out her list and got right on Santa’s lap. Santa, his wife, and everyone else that know Sophia were equally shocked.

“Erica, Sophia is up. Do you have your camera?”

“I know. Yes.”

“Take pictures!”

“I am! I am!”

For me with was as monumental as the first man on the moon or first black president of the United States. This was big and I was fighting big tears. I’m so glad my camera has auto focus. I’m just sayin’.

Santa asked Sophia what she wanted for Christmas and she pointed to her list. “Oh you want a Samurai castle?”

Sophia pointing out the tiger toy to Santa

“No, tiger toy! That one.” She said pointing again. Santa has no excuses for getting things mixed up. My kid brings pictures. I can’t wait till she’s older and she brings a spreadsheet, still including pictures, and adding inventory availability, sale dates, and cost. You know, just to save Santa a few bucks to add to the next year’s gift price total.

Santa giving her a gift bag

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Sensitive Duplo Hoarder

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We (Kurt) bought our Christmas tree on the 6th or 7th and then we decorated it on the 9th, so it had been ignored by Lukas for ten days before I finally started putting presents under it and then it still took a couple days before he went for it. He began to touch a present that just happened to be his. I very gently told him, “no no Lukas”. There was no way I could have said it any more gently. I’d have to whisper it outside to be more gentle. He stopped. He looked at me. His whole tiny face turned upside-down and he started crying. I told him he couldn’t touch the presents. I scooped him up and we cuddled. The poor little shit.

About three days later Lukas was playing his most beloved game of hiding his Legos (Duplo) in places they don’t belong. Under the couch, under end tables, under the armoire…you get the picture. On the floor next to the little stand that holds the DVR and DVD player Kurt has a sub-woofer. The sub-woofer has cute little hole in it (manufactured that way) that perfectly fits a baby arm. As far as Lukas is concerned, that hole is there for the sole purpose of hiding his Duplo blocks.

I have Duplo Blocks

Ah crap she found my hiding place.

He set one at the edge of the hole and then pushed it in. He looked over at me and proudly smiled at his new favorite Duplo hiding place. I was quietly laughing at the baby. I told Kurt what Lukas was doing and Kurt firmly told the boy “no Lukas”. Lukas stopped. He hunched his tiny shoulders over. He started huffing. And after a couple minutes began bawling his head off complete with red face. I have a very sensitive boy.

On Friday my sensitive little dancing queen gave me a fucking heart attack! I was washing dishes and had the dishwasher door open. Lukas was on the opposite side of the dishwasher door from me putting his Duplo blocks in the silverware compartment. I go to wash a dish and as I turn to put the dish in the dishwasher, the boy had butt scooted to my side of the dishwasher and grabbed a knife. This wasn’t a butter knife, not a paring knife, nor a steak knife. No, my boy grabbed the chopping knife, a knife with a nine-inch blade. He held it by the handle and waved it around like a sword.

“NNNOOO!!! No no Lukas!”

Yeah there was no calm that time. The boy didn’t stop crying about being yelled at and having the knife taken away for a good fifteen minutes.

Of course, if he’s anything like his father I should be more worried about him with a perfectly safe spoon than an object that is actually dangerous.

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Yoga Tantrum

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Lukas took a long nap yesterday. Upon waking he just wanted to be held, so I obliged. After a bit I just couldn’t snuggle him any longer since he insisted that I not sit while holding him. I put him down and he had a tantrum.

Kurt believes Lukas had his head to the ground because he wanted to be picked up and he knows anytime he bonks his head I come running. I know Lukas is one smart cookie, but that seems a tad elaborate for a one year-old.

Lukas does the downward dog Yoga pose all the time, but this is the first time I’ve seen him do it while throwing a fit. I’ve posted the video on my Google+ page.

Usually when Lukas needs something just scoots on over to me and bumps his head against my leg to let me know he either, A. Sleepy B. Hungry or C. Needs a butt change. Shortly after the video, I thought I’d give the boy a snack. That fixed it. He was just hungry. Apparently too hungry to use his usual communication method.

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