Wordless Wednesday: Gun Cleaning with Dad
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Category Archives: Engineer
All About Kurt Share
Here is another tagging meme from Facebook. I posted this in my Facebook notes on Friday, February 20, 2009, which by the way was five days before our eleventh anniversary…
Here’s a chance to see how well you really know your wife/fiance/girlfriend or husband/fiance/boyfriend. Cut, paste and fill in the answers, then forward . . . shoot, you know what to do. The real challenge is to send it to your significant other to see how right you really are.
- They’re sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen?
History Channel – stuff about WWII/Hitler/Guns/Swords
Kurt will sit there and argue with the TV about getting the facts wrong.- You’re out to eat; what kind of dressing do they get on their salad?
Kurt doesn’t usually waste space on rabbit food especially if we’re at a buffet (we usually only do buffets in Vegas). But if he did have salad it’s usually a Caesar.- What’s one food they don’t like?
I think it would be easier to list what he does like. Kurt can’t handle spice and doesn’t like it when I get all ethnic and make Menudo (it’s a soup not a band of perpetually young boys). He also doesn’t like tomatoes – it’s a texture thing. He will eat salsa, tomato sauce and tomato soup.- You go out to eat and have a drink. What do they order?
Non-alcoholic: he gets a Pepsi or Coke if they don’t have Pepsi.
Alcoholic: Jack and Coke or some soft of amber beer on tap- Where did they go to high school?
*name of small town* Michigan- What size shoe does (s)he wear?
I donno. I don’t buy his shoes.- What is their favorite type of sandwich?
I donno. I try not to pay attention to what he eats when we’re out. The nasty greasy things he orders make me twitch.- What would this person eat every day if they could?
Pizza and or lasagna- What is their favorite cereal?
Chocolate Rice Krispies, or Coco Puffs, or Peanut Butter Captain Crunch. All the nasty ‘kids’ cereals that I don’t really want to serve Sophia but will someday have to cause her dad has it. *grumble*- What would they never wear?
Kurt will wear anything. I have pictures of him in a dress. Seriously.- What is their favorite sports team?
Kurt watches motor cycle racing. He likes Valentino Rossi (so do I but for different reasons from Kurt…I hope, the man did wear a dress after all.), Eric Bostrom, and Nicky Hayden.- Who did they vote for?
Obama of course- Who is their best friend?
Do guys do the whole ‘best friend’ thing? Gah – I guess it would have to be his high school buddy Jeremy.- What is something you do that they wishes you wouldn’t do?
Obsess over the crap that’s put into packaged food.- What is their heritage?
Danish- You bake them a cake for their birthday; what kind of cake?
If I’m making it, it’s going to be carrot cake. I have no idea what his favorite is, probably chocolate. I’m horrible aren’t I?- Did they play sports in High School?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA you’re fuckin’ funny. Kurt was in band. He played the French horn.- What could they spend hours doing?
Playing City of Heroes- What is one unique talent that they have?
He can bend his fingers and touch the back of his hand. It’s really gross.
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Adding More to the Therapy Fund
Wild Kratts is a PBS cartoon about this team that saves animals from various things, some caused by humans and some just natural predators or other elements. Each show features one or two particular animals and two of the characters, the Kratt brothers, are given ‘creature powers’ to turn into those animals and save the day using those special powers.
While watching the show yesterday Sophia asked me if I could buy her some creature powers. I posted that on Facebook and then Kurt commented, “She already has some. She can sleep like a sloth, jump like a kangaroo, climb like a monkey and poop like an elephant.”
That evening I went to a tamale cooking class and Kurt put both kids to bed. Sophia went to the bathroom, came out completely nekkid, and tells Kurt, “Come here. Look, I made stinky.” He goes in to see and then she says, “Take a picture!” Kurt told her no and then she again demanded, “Take a picture!” It wasn’t an elephant poop. I know this because he actually took a picture of the contents of the toilet and then showed it to me.
Maybe she has seen me run to get the camera a few too many times to capture the baby squeezins diaper of the month. I’ll be adding some money to the therapy fund. Maybe I should take donations. I’m not sure we have enough. Kurt even asked if I wanted it for a post. Infant squeezins is one thing. I’m drawing a line. I know it’s blurry but it’s there…somewhere.
Picture taken 10/2/2011.
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Dirty Kurtie’s Tunes: Curious George
We aren’t proud of ourselves. We did it for you. If you’ve been pining away for a Dirty Kurtie Twisted Tune today is your day.
A couple or few months ago (I’m not sure which because there was a long span of sleepless night there for a while) Kurt and I were watching Curious George with Sophia. While listening to the theme song Kurt said, he heard something different from what they said. He told me, and I could not shake it. After that, every time I watched the show with my then three-year old that is what I heard. As punishment, I made Kurt further defile the lyrics of the current favorite children’s show in our household. It is now with great regret that I present to you the greatly mangled version of a much-loved children’s show… To the tune from the theme song of Curious George – Dirty Kurtie’s version goes like this:
You never do know who’s in your bed
A hot, young stripper or a guy named Fred
When you’re bi-curious, Bi-Curious George
(Swing!)
Well everything (everything!) is so glorious (glorious!)
And everything (everything!) is so wonderous (wonderous!)
There’s more to explore
When you act like a whore
And make friends like this,
A guy to kiss
(Whooooa!)
Get bi-curious (bi-curious!) and that’s marvelous (marvelous!)
You’ll sleep with a slut
And take it in the butt
If you ask yourself, who needs tits?
Like bi-curious, bi-curious, Bi-Curious George
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My Dancing Queens
Every time I turn on one any of the toys that play music, Lukas’ arms fly up in the air. He sits on the floor twisting at the waist swinging his arms as if he’s a conductor. I always ask him, “Are you dancing?” He just laughs and swings his arms even harder.
Lukas’ babbling, “ah bah bah”, makes him sound like he likes ABBA, so that is exactly what Kurt played for him. Kurt called up a video on the interwebs and the boy was thrilled. “Your boy is a dancing queen,” he called to me as he then proceeded to sing all the words to the song perfectly in sync with the video.
Picture taken 10/14/2011. Lukas was being entertained by Sophia.
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The Road to My Sainthood
Twelve years ago Kurt spent a lot of time making up spreadsheets of various desired car attributes. He had narrowed it down to two cars that were virtually equal in every way. The one deciding factor at that point was the color, but because color is an emotional decision, the brain of the engineer began to spew smoke. He put the brakes on and held out for four months.
We purchased a new car on Saturday and receive it Sunday. We’ve sort of been in the market for a new one for a while now, but because of Thing One and Thing Two it added more data to consider in the spreadsheets.
Two years, that’s how long it takes an engineer to eliminate all the cars I never considered options in the first place and finally settle on the one that I originally wanted. Waiting so long in itself is performing three miracles, never mind that he forced me to try out a minivan, took my picture in one, and then posted it on Facebook. Bastard. I hate minivans. I know some people love them and that’s fantastic. I’m not one of those people.
You may grant me my sainthood for patients now. Thank you.
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Everybody Gets a Blanket but Me
Costco had a coupon for a nice fleecy blanket last month. I didn’t really need a new blanket we have several. They’re each several years old but they’re still functional blankets. There was a two-blanket limit for the coupon price. I only bought one. That was a mistake.
I bought a dark chocolate brown color blanket so that it would go with our living room decor. I folded the blanket and kept it on out couch. With the colder temperatures approaching, I could use it while watching TV in the evening. Keeping the blanket convenient was also a mistake.
A few days ago, Kurt said, “I used your blanket.” Uumm ok, whatever. Then he told me he taught Sophia how to build a fort in the toy room using her slide. Oh balls. He of course used the blanket that was downstairs and most convenient. Fantastic. The person who never needs a blanket donated mine to the fort building cause. I don’t think I’ll be getting my blanket back anytime soon.
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Everlasting Helium Balloons
On Thursday when Sophia went to school, I cut the strings off some of the balloons from her birthday party and let the float up the vaulted ceiling. I left a few, but did cut the stings shorter. I was tired of dealing with her weaving the strings into and around things. I didn’t pop the balloons and trash them because I don’t mind her playing with them. It’s just the strings that bug me.
Kurt came home and went upstairs for something and then on the way down noticed the balloons way out of his reach and without their strings. He pointed and I shushed him. Sophia hadn’t noticed them yet. Then he looks at me and he asked, “But how are we going to get them down?” *blink* *blink* *blink* Really?
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55 Flash non-Fiction Friday: Missing Daddy
“Can my daddy be here?” She asked repeatedly during our two-week trip to Alaska.
Photo taken 7/24/2011 by a friend at my grandmother's cabin in Alaksa
The first day back daddy stayed home but on the second day, it was back to work.
“Where is my daddy?”
When he came home, Sophia ran to give him a big hug. She said, “Look my friend Daddy is home!”.
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Fourth of July Frog
After our camping weekend, both kids were tired. I had to wake them both in order to get on with our Fourth of July celebrations. All I had to do was ask, “Sophia do you want pancakes?” And her eyes just popped right open. I had to make sure she understood that we wouldn’t be eating the pancakes at home though. Our newly adopted tradition began with a pancake breakfast in the park hosted by the fire department. We went last year for the first time and had to wait an hour after we had finished eating before Sophia begin eating hers. Sophia did much better with it this year. She was leery of the crowds of people but she ate her pancakes with gusto and finished at the same time we did.
There was a live auction after breakfast. We waited around for that because they had a desk that I wanted. Wouldn’t you just know it, the desk was the one item on the block that everyone else was also eyeing? Most everything was going for the opening bid or only had one other bidder. The desk had about five people. The price went up so quickly that I wound up not making a bid at all. It’s back to craigslist for me. I’ve been drooling over some antiques for a while.
We went home for a while to shoot off the six dollars of kiddy firecrackers I purchased. I’m such a big spender.
Typically my engineer is absurdly cautious of new or different activities and plans his actions to such a detailed degree that all the whimsy of such things as possibly blowing one’s self up with firecrackers is completely removed. To-do lists, spreadsheets, rules and regulations – they more than outline his life, so it really surprised me the number of times I had to yell at him to, “TAKE THE MATCHES WITH YOU AFTER YOU LIGHT THE FIRECRACKER!”
But that’s not as bad as the one time that he lit the firecracker next to the pile of unlit, as in the-never-been-fired, firecrackers. Note to self, if I buy firecrackers next year I need to get those burn sticks for the safety of the grown up engineer. Luckily all the firecrackers I bought were the craptastically lame-ass kiddy kind. The kind of lame fireworks that only people truly talented could use to blow themselves up. Like the talented engineer who gives himself a splinter with a potato. That sort of Nerf-talent.
Sophia enjoyed the firecrackers even though a couple of times she said, “That too loud for my ears”. Her favorites were the snaps, the firecrackers that you just through on the pavement and they, well they snap. Those were the only ones that I allowed her to handle.
I thought about buying sparklers, but I didn’t. She probably would have been ok with them, but I’m a total wuss when it comes to my child and fire. Maybe next year. You know, when she has a little brother running around wanting to do all the same things his big sister can. That’s a grand idea! Yeah I think I just talked myself out of buying them, again.
The next event of the day was the parade. It took a lot longer than I thought it would for such a small town. At first Sophia didn’t see what the big deal was about going to the parade and didn’t want to get out of her stroller, but then the floats and tractors started coming by and we pointed out that candy was being thrown…she perked up immediately. Kurt went with her closer to the curb of the street and the child caught on to the finding and picking up of candy quickly. After the parade as we were walking up to the car I asked her, “What did you like the most about the parade?” There was no hesitation in her answer, “CANDY!” She made a better candy haul at the parade than she did for Halloween, but that’s not saying much since she never did get out of her stroller for trick-or-treating last year.
It was back to the pancake park for another event, which if they don’t go back to the original format, we won’t be participating in again. The money goes to good things of course, but part of it is the fun of watching a bazillion rubber ducks float down the river. It’s called the Duck Dash. The first ducks to make it to the boom win prizes, but that’s not how it was done this year. Nope, this year, the first year we actually went to see it, they had two grown men dressed as ducks tossing rubber ducks into a net. One man tossed a few ducks and the other caught them in a net. The netted ducks were the winners. It was as lame as it sounds. Maybe even worse.
A quick trip to McDonald’s for dinner gave us the first ever doll that Sophia named herself. “What’s her name?” Kurt asks.
“Frog.”
I’ve asked her again a few times since then and each time she tells me the doll’s name is “Frog”.
The Fourth of July finally was of course the fireworks display. Sophia was so tired from our camping weekend that half way through the display she was asking to go to sleep and even pointing to the ground saying, “Can I sleep there?” I wasn’t sure if she enjoyed it this year until a couple days later she asked me, “Can we see fireworks?”
“No, that’s only on the Fourth of July.”
“Can it be Fourth of July?”
Sleepy Lukas whose bedtime is typically 7pm stayed awake for the whole thing. Both kids slept in on the 5th. Lukas didn’t wake up for the day until 9 and Sophia, 10:30. That, right there, was my highlight!