Sunshine and Lollipops Camping

We went camping at our property with some friends this weekend. Some other friends came by on Saturday just to visit. We even had a visit from the mayor of the town. I friended the mayor on Facebook as someone I knew from way back in my days in the navy. It blows me away that he’s actually the mayor of a town…even a tiny town far beyond Bum Fuck, Egypt.

It was one of our first hot sunny days of the year so we spent a much of Saturday at the sand bar by the river watching the kids cake sand all over their sand monster selves. That night we were serenaded with illegal fireworks, which reminded Kurt and I of our old house in the hood. The sounds bounced and echoed off the mountains.

Lukas slept through all the noise but woke up cold in the wee hours of the morning. Adding blankets to him wasn’t working because he would just kick them up and they would wind up around his neck. He cried for an hour before Kurt decided he should just sleep with us. Then Lukas cried for about another hour before I took him and he instantly quieted down and fell asleep. Then I just couldn’t sleep. I had to pee, and Lukas was sound asleep. On. My. Arm. Damn kids. I pretty much just watched him sleep with his mouth open and head cocked to one side the rest of the night. How do babies not wake up with stiff necks?

We woke up to a rainy gloomy morning. I couldn’t tell when I friends woke up but by eight I knew I had heard voices from their pop-up camper so I went over and invited them into our mini cabin (it’s a shed on stilts). We shared breakfast foods and waited for the rain to let up.

When it was merely a grey day we all went outside so the kids could unleash their energy. We went for a walk while Kurt and Sophia stayed back to chain the ginormous picnic table the engineer over engineered to a concrete plug in the ground. I’m going to have to make the picnic table a whole other post, seriously.

Lunchtime arrived and so did another family of friends. They brought the rain back with them. We were overjoyed. Really. After lunch, which for Sophia consisted of a whole bag of tortilla chips, we went to the beach. At the end of the trail that leads to the river sand bar we call the beach the grey sky ended. No discernible wind that blew the clouds away, they were just gone. In place of the grey was sunshine and lollipops. Ok maybe it was chocolate cake sand castles.

making a birthday cake

Sophia actually playing with another child. I heard that she had started interacting with children at preschool, but this is one of the first times I actually witnessed interaction. They’re making “chocolate cake”. Sophia is obsessed with chocolate cake and birthdays. She kept singing happy birthday to me and Lukas.

watching Kurt make the cake into a sand castle

The kids were watching Kurt turn their “chocolate cake” over and make it a sand castle. Shortly after the photos were taken Sophia decided to make sand angels and her partner in crime there followed her lead.

nablopomo

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Finger Paint as a Torture Device

Kurt likes to tell everyone that I’m a total clean freak, and admittedly, I am. I actually like to clean and I’m a little OCD about it too. Usually the OCD part is only shortly after cleaning and goes as far as picking up the lone pine needle on the floor, or the hair (usually mine) or spec of dirt in a sink. That OCD aspect ends right after Sophia comes in from playing in the mud and walks across the entire house before taking her shoes off or Kurt goes to shave and leaves what looks like the quills of a half dozen hedgehogs around the sink. That pretty much cures the OCD and I’m back to my defeated maid mode. I calm myself by saying, “I’ll clean it all next week. It’ll be spotless!” And then it all repeats itself…again.

Two things bug me about Kurt going on about my obsession with keeping the house clean. The first is that people wrongly assume that I judge their cleaning prowess. I don’t. I could care less how someone else keeps his or her home. I worked as a maid for six months, which is about five months longer than most people last. I’ve seen it all. I also worked for a psycho woman whose home made all others look utterly spotless. Unless animals are running around crapping in the house and no one bothers to pick it up, ever. I’m fine.

It’s also assumed that because I like to clean that I’m a germaphobe. I’m not. My hatred of water aside, germs don’t bother me. I’ll share eating utensils with friends, and drink from the same cup. I even ate food prepared by psycho woman in her home.

The second thing is that Kurt make it seem as if it’s all me.  It isn’t.  He is just as obsessed as I am, but I allow messes to be made. I try to keep all food and art messes contained within the borders of the dining table. Sometimes they escape, but usually I’m pretty good at collecting the art supplies before they wonder off with the preschooler. Either way, I allow messes to happen.

Last week I found finger paints in a tube at the store and bought some. How awesome is that? I can just squeeze out the allowable about of color mess onto a plate and let the mess creation begin. I told Kurt about my find as I pulled it out of the art drawer to dole out to the preschooler and his first question was, “is it water soluble?” He was almost frantic about the question as I’m squeezing blue paint onto a paper plate. No dear it’s oil based finger-paint. It’s an evil plot concocted by Crayola and Bob Ross to get every child to look like a Smurf and paint Happy Little Trees all over the damn house. Yeah, but I’m the neat freak. Right.

I bought Crayola’s Color Wonder paints once before. It’s a clear paint that only shows color on special paper. Kurt was also leery of that. I didn’t buy it again because each color came in a small container meant for the kid to put her finger in and paint on the paper. I don’t know if other kids are disciplined enough to paint a picture and then stop, but my child just glopped paint on one piece of paper in one sitting until all the paint was gone. That was about seven dollars for an hour of painting joy. I bought Color Wonder markers after that just to use up the rest of the paper. She doesn’t like the markers as much.

finger painting
finger paint as a lotion
colorful lotion
leaving her mark

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List making, it runs in the family

When Kurt was about three his mom worked as a waitress. His dad would on occasion take the family out to eat where she worked, so Kurt knew what his mom’s job was, and would pretend to take food orders at home. “What you have? ‘ot doh? Fet f-eye? App pie? Pop?” (Translation: hot dog, French fries, apple pie)

Yesterday Sophia wanted a pen and paper to make a “wist” (list). She often wants that. I think they’ve been doing some home and occupational pretend at preschool lately because yesterday she asked me, “Else you want?”
“Are you making a list?”

“Yes”

“What kind of list?”

“Gwo-sury”

So while I did dishes I came up with several grocery items, but she kept asking, “Else you want?” after pretending to write what I wanted on her list. My pauses became longer as I thought of other things and then she told me, “come on, talk!” That’s when I know it’s a preschool influence. My guess is that’s what the other kids tell her.

Sophia wearing Lukas' hat

Sophia wearing Lukas' hat

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Tornado Parent Sympathies from Sentimental Parents

I showed Sophia how to use my laptop to play games on pbskids.org and have since regretted it, so yesterday I showed her that she could play the same games on Kurt’s desktop. I’m evil. Last night I helped her get to her games and then went back downstairs to watch the news with Kurt.

The big story was of course the tornado that went through Joplin Missouri. They showed a video taken by someone inside a convenience store. The lights went out and all that could be heard were people saying, “I love you.” One guy, in the convenience store, said, “I love you all. I love everyone.” And then there was the very scared voice of a little girl calling for her mommy.

“Oh that would be heartbreaking, as a parent, especially if you weren’t next to your child.” I told Kurt.

Just after I said that, we hear the distinct call from our own offspring upstairs playing computer games, “No no no! Help. Momma momma momma, help! Peh-weeze.”

Kurt and I look at each other. In mock reply he says, “Oh shut the hell up!”

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Mars and Venus Collide

Kurt has been busy coordinating with various contractors to get a few things done around the house. We’ve had a Drywaller in to fix some settling cracks, and had someone come in to install a fence and gate in the front. We need someone to pressure wash the roof and clean the gutters. We’re also looking to hire someone to paint the place. He of course gets frustrated when the places he’s trying to get a quote from won’t call back or once they’ve been here to give a quote it’s impossible to secure a date to do the work or whatever, so on a couple of occasions I’ve offered to take over that job for him, “No I’ll take care of it.” He says.

“Ok fine, but don’t have them call here to set up the day and time. Just set it yourself and know that Tuesdays are bad if they need me to be present in order to do the work.”

It’s a rainy Sunday night…And it’ll be another rainy day Monday. Hhmm what shall I do with the kids all day Monday? Looking at Facebook I notice a friend went to a Children’s museum that I haven’t been to yet. Oh, that looks like fun. I’ll take the kids there and check it out. I begin to plan my Monday in my head. I figured out what time I should aim leave the house so that Sophia can play at the museum for enough time before lunch, then we can eat out, and head home. I excitedly tell Kurt that I’m going to a different kid’s place. He heard me and knew I was wired about finding somewhere to go, something different to do on a rainy day.

We’ve had way too many rainy days this year and there aren’t a lot of clean indoor kid’s play areas. There are plenty of nasty indoor places attached to various McDonalds’ “restaurants”. It’s not the fact that it’s attached to a McDonalds that turns me off, although that really doesn’t help. I’ve had to retrieve Sophia from one of their many hamster trails for mini humans and I never ever want to have to do that again. Never.

Kurt goes upstairs for a while and then comes back downstairs just before heading to bed. “The pressure washers will be here tomorrow morning.” He says.

“Tomorrow morning?!” I was angry. How could he just sit there and listen to me get all happy that I’ve found a place to go while mother nature continues to rain on the spring parade and not tell me the person is coming to pressure wash the roof until the last minute. Surely, he has known since at least Friday!

From Kurt’s point of view: Shit! Why the hell is she angry at me this time? I can’t get anything right. She told me to make the appointments so I did and now she’s pissed. I wish she’d make her damn mind up. Talk about zero to bitch in sixty seconds. *heavy sigh* I guess asking if she wants to go upstairs is out of the question tonight.

Monday morning rolls in. I couldn’t remember if Kurt told me they were supposed to be here at nine or nine thirty, so I wait. I still had hopes of leaving the house. Nine thirty arrives but the pressure washers have not. Lukas is sleepy so I lay him down for a nap. I was hoping to be out of the house by this time so that Lukas could sleep in the car.

It’s now ten. Even if Kurt had said nine thirty, they’re still a half hour late. I send Kurt an email, “Are you sure it was supposed to be today?” The person who installed the fence was a whole week late, and that was the excuse given. He said that Kurt got the date mixed up. Somehow I doubt that, but on this day I was still irritated, so I entertained the idea. At ten thirty they arrived and I emailed Kurt to let him know. Because Kurt didn’t get to his email he called me at eleven to see If they were there yet. In our conversation he says, “I think he picked us up last minute.”

“Huh? Why is that?”

“Well he just called me on my cell Sunday night to see if today was ok.”

“He just called you Sunday night? I thought you knew since Friday and just didn’t tell me.”

“Oh, is that why you were mad?”

And that is why cellphones are from hell.

Oh and Lukas, the little shit who never ever sleeps, slept until 11:30. We did go to the Children’s Museum and Sophia eventually had fun there and like a normal child didn’t want to leave.

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55 Flash non-Fiction Friday: Toe-may-toe, Toe-ma-toe

We searched the same name book frequently, as if a name may have added since the last viewing. Studying, evaluating, and discarding names repeatedly only to add it back again weeks, days, hours, minutes later.

“How about Henry?” I asked.

“Sure, we’ll call him ahn-REE.”

“Why not cut to the chase and name him Pretentious?”

Pretentious

55 Flash Fiction Friday

Flash Fiction Friday is hosted by g-man.

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It’s Like She’s Jackie Chan

Due to normal preschool attendance coupled with regular cold and flu season Sophia had a runny nose a couple months ago. On one particularly memorable day, Kurt asked Sophia to get some toilet paper so he could wipe her nose. She kept coming back to him with just one square. “No,” he said, “bring back about this much.” He showed her an amount by holding his hands apart a few inches. Still she came back with just one square, so he went into the bathroom with her to get her to grab more. I could hear him say, “Put your hand on top of the toilet paper roll. Now spin it.” Then he would sigh, “No, put your hand on top.” There was a pause where I assume he showed her what he meant and then he said, “Now spin it so you get more than one square.” I heard another sigh from him. Then out of exasperation I hear him say, “Have we not been speaking English to you?!” It was like a deleted scene from Rush Hour, “Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?

Now I think of that every time I try to explain to Sophia where something is located. We have an armoire in the toy room. The top cupboard has a shelf with toys that have small pieces with I take down for Sophia by request. Under that shelf is a small TV and DVD player so that we don’t have to watch her shows over and over again. Under that top cupboard are a set of drawers, side-by-side. One side has things for crafts like scissors and crayons and the other side has some preschool practice books. Under the drawers is another cupboard where I keep things for Lukas.

Lukas has a mini blanket with an Eeyore head, which sounds rather sadistic the way I’ve described it but it’s actually cute and he loves it. Sophia was looking for Lukas’ Eeyore one day because she wanted to give it to him. I tried to explain that it was in the cupboard under her TV, but she just didn’t get it. She kept opening the upper cupboard, looking under her TV very confused, and then looking at me as if I had lost my mind. “It’s in the cupboard under the drawers.” I told her. Still nothing. Really, have we not been speaking English to you?

analytical girl

Picture take 3/6/2011

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Breasty McSweater Vest

At the beginning of March I was invited to a Tastefully Simple party. I had to take Lukas with me since The Boy, much like his sister, refuses to take a bottle. I know there is no need to dress up a baby to make them cuter, but I had a dress-up type outfit that I wanted to use. It was too big for him at Christmas and I figured at the rate he is growing it would be too small at Easter, so I dressed him up for the party.
Breasty McSweater Vest
Kurt arrived home and as soon as he saw The Boy he said, “Breasty McSweater Vest!” as if he were announcing a clown to stage. Queue the circus music. I didn’t get the joke so he explained that he works with a guy whom one of our friends has dubbed, “Breasty McSweater Vest”. He’s a chubby guy who always wears a sweater vest. Fantastic. I think The Boy looks cute and Kurt is comparing him to a middle-aged man with moobs.

At the end of the month, I gave up trying to squeeze the almost four-month-old boy into six-month clothes and moved him up to nine-month clothes. The first shirt was not to Lukas’ liking so he had a blowout. When Kurt arrived home and saw Lukas in the second outfit, “Dilbert!” he announced. So Lukas has a geek mom who dresses him like he’s going to interview for a network technician job. I still think he looks cute.
Dilbert
He hates the flash on the camera that’s why he has the deer in headlights look.

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Supper Daddy Fix it All

My mother gave Sophia a cooking set for Christmas. It was meant for ages eight and over (stated on the box) because of the porcelain tea set that it came with. Usually Sophia is very careful with things so I didn’t think the intended age thing would be a factor. I was wrong. She broke a dish. I heard it slam on the floor and then immediately after, “Momma broken. Momma broken. Momma broken.” I told her to put it on the counter and daddy would fix it when he got home…eerr after he finds the super glue.

pink porcelain plate

The next day, she was at the kitchen table playing with some silly bands she got in her gift bag at one of the many birthdays we attended. She stretched one of them it to the limit and it broke. I was nearby doing dishes and watched her get up and place it on the counter next to the still broken plate, “Daddy fix it.” She’s so stinkin’ cute.

yellow tweety silly band

I’m wondering if these breaks have to do with her strong curiosity for what is inside things. She’ll often hand me plastic toys that are molded into just one piece, but of different colors, and ask me to take it apart. She simply won’t give up asking no matter how many times I tell her, “Honey that’s just one piece. It’s not supposed to come apart.”

Yesterday her curiosity made me fear that daddy will soon have to become a lot more handy that merely a super glue wielding expert. For our new house, instead of a unit with the freezer on the bottom, we picked out a side-by-side refrigerator. For the first time Sophia can reach her own things, so she has started opening it on her own to retrieve or put her cup of milk away. It made me nervous when I saw her watching the door very intently as she closed it slowing and mentally making note of the point at which it seems to close on it’s own.

I know what you’re thinking, and I’m certain she wasn’t trying to see if the light goes off or not. I’m pretty sure that mystery has been solved for her. Months ago she discovered the button the car door hits as it closes which turns off the dome light. It’s part of her get-in-the-car routine to press that button several times before getting in. I think she presses it several extra times if it’s raining just so it annoys me more. Stinker.

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Fuzzy Food Memory

Even when I’m not pregnant I have a super sensitive nose and for years now I’ve forbade Kurt from eating anything with garlic when he goes out to eat. It can be as benign as marinara sauce and I’ll make him keep his distance. If it’s something that may as well be listed simply as garlic on the menu – forget it. Kurt doesn’t even have a chance to close the front door before I say, “OHMYGOD whatever that was don’t ever eat it again!” I remember one day while pregnant with Lukas I actually pushed him away and said, “Get away from me. You stink.”

I don’t know why for sure but I’m guessing it has to do with my use of fresh garlic verses I would assume powdered garlic from restaurants. All I know is that when I add garlic to something it just doesn’t affect him that badly. I’ve told him this repeatedly, and repeatedly when he has seen me add garlic he’ll tell me it’s my own fault if he smells. It’s worse than trying to get Sophia to remember to use her polite words when she wants something. I think it has finally gotten to the point where I can just glare at him and he’ll suddenly remember the nearly twelve years of me informing him that it’s only really bad when he goes out to eat.

Parmesan and herb pankoLast week I bought a box of parmesan and herb panko for the first time and I also purchased some thin cut chicken breasts for- Da Dada Daa! – breaded chicken. Kurt opened the pantry and saw all the panko I had…a huge unopened box of plain panko from Costco, a small opened box of plain panko from a store that sells things in non-Costco sizes, and the newly purchased herb panko. Even though the boxes were different, he didn’t notice that there were two flavors of panko. We had a long conversation about why there was so much panko populating the pantry. That night we ate Parmesan and herb panko breaded chicken. It was good and I didn’t have to add anything extra to flavor the chicken. All the flavor was in the panko and I didn’t have to work any harder to create it. It wasn’t super magical tasting but it was good.

A week later Kurt is snooping around the pantry again and he says, “Parmesan and herb panko? You never use that do you?” Which one of us is sleep deprived? Sometimes I wonder why I even bother talking to him. And then he gets mad when he asks me what’s for dinner and I answer, “Food”. What difference does it make? He’s not going to remember ever having it anyway. I glared at him. “Oh yes you do use it, and it was fantastic!” He said not remembering at all.

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