My father doesn’t say a lot, but when he does, I listen. As a teenager, it may not have seemed like it, but I did pay attention. There are two occasions permanently ingrained in my mind where seemingly unexpectedly my dad calmly gave his words of wisdom. I’m not being sarcastic – he does give his words of wisdom calmly, and he only ever gives it once.

When I was going from elementary school to junior high – Major side note – Back in my day we didn’t have stupid graduations after every blasted year/quarter/test. We just got our grades and moved on. Our only f$#%@ graduation was the one at the end of TWELVE YEARS of HELL and that’s the way we liked it! *mumble* Fricken’ pansies with their stupid yearly graduations. And our teachers weren’t afraid of hurting our feelings or stressing us out by using a red pen to give us a big fat “F” if we didn’t study. “F” is for failure and those that deserved it go it. If you can’t learn to accept a little failure once in a while your going to have a really really hard time at life in general. On the up side therapists will love you.

Not every child is a genius and not every child will pass the mustard. If you feel that your contribution to society deserves better than a RED “F” then maybe you should spend some time with the little prodigy and help them with their homework. I don’t like the “no child left behind” crap. Lowering the bar with this “no child left behind” BULLSHIT makes the smart kids BORED AS HELL!!! *stomping away from the soapbox with furled eyebrows*

Anyway, going from elementary school to junior high my dad told me, “If someone hurts you it’s ok to fight back.” I knew exactly what he was talking about, and it’s a very good thing he told me it was ok too. I was a VERY shy kid. I finally opened up my freshman year of high school, but I had been so painfully shy previously that in my yearbook someone wrote that she thought I was literally retarded. I simply did not speak. It’s good that my dad gave me the ok because unfortunately it’s not a matter of “if” for many girls, but “when” they will need to have the confidence to stand up for themselves.

Three days after graduating high school, I was on my way to Michigan to live with some friends, one of which paid for my flight. Before I left my dad said, “Don’t feel like you’re obligated to do anything.” His words made me always make sure I only did things because I wanted. After all a gift isn’t a gift if something is expected in return. That makes it a bribe.

Kurt is a lot like my dad – except the part about being a man of few words. I’ve shown the word “concise” in the dictionary to Kurt. He still doesn’t get it. In the thesauruses, his picture shows up in the list of antonyms. But when the buzzing of his voice switches to a serious tone, I know Sophia will pay attention. It may seem like she only ever wants me right now, but she loves you. You make her laugh. You’ll be a great dad Kurtie. Just don’t try to limit her time on the phone when she’s a teenager.

My dad to me: You can only be on the phone for ten minutes
Me to my friend on the phone: Ok, I’ll call you back.
(I hang up and dial the phone to my friend immediately)
My dad to me: You can’t call them back!
The next time I’m on the phone to my friend: Ok, it’s been ten minutes – YOU call me back.
My dad: You have to have ten minutes between each call!
Me: damn it!

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