Pregnancy and Motherhood Archive

Sophia isn’t walking yet. I’m not as concerned about her not walking as I am about her not talking though, because I know she can walk. She’s an extremely cautious baby. She is incredibly steady when standing and can stand without pulling up on something. She can even go from standing to squatting or lower herself to her seat without crashing to the floor. She has full control. She just needs to take that next step. Two days before her birthday I swear I saw her take one step when she was busy moving two Mega Bloks from one chair in the computer room to another just a step away. So she’s not-a-toddler yet. She’s a cruiser.

The first game invented by our cruising baby was to butt scoot between my feet while I’m trying to cook or do dishes. She first started doing this about three or four weeks ago and when I told Kurt about it he watched for her to start her game and then he followed her! They both went right between my feet as I’m trying to cook with knives and hot cast iron pans. As Kurt pushed through he said, “wow, that’s a tight fit.” Funny, he’s never complained about that in the past.

Kurt has mimicked the baby before the scoot between mommies feet game. If baby cruiser realizes that I’m in the kitchen without her she’ll butt scoot on over and right behind her is the louder thudding sound of her THIRTY-SIX year old father BUTT SCOOTING. Just imagine it. I six foot four inch, thirty-six year old man, butt scooting behind his one year old daughter. She thinks it’s funny. I’m a little creeped out by it mostly because after he sees my look of disdain he throws his arms out and shouts (he actually uses his normal voice, but it’s a shout), “Have sex with me!” in a geeky voice, that resembles a loud version of Pat from SNL.

Baby cruiser loves to be chased. I think this started with Kurt stomping around behind her when she was headed for drawers we wanted her to stay out of. Now anytime she’s headed for something she knows we don’t want her around she giggles as she butt scoots towards it. She has also taken to rolling over and scooting away during diaper changes, right after I take her diaper off. She’s getting QUICK! And saying, “I’m gonna get you” or stomping behind her makes her giggle so hard she almost can’t move. It’s HILARIOUS!

After learning all the things that need to move out of the bathroom before taking a shower with baby cruiser in the room she began a new version of “mommy fetch this”. Usually “mommy fetch this” is played while baby cruiser is restrained to a chair and she pretends that she has no idea if gravity really works *every time*. This version of “mommy fetch this” works when baby drops something in the tub and mommy quickly tosses it back out far enough to give herself a second to rinse a toe but not so far that baby cruiser decides she doesn’t want to go after it. The first time baby cruiser played this game was with a remote control I bought for her in hopes that she would leave the real ones alone. Stop laughing! Yes, I know, stupid new mom.

She tossed the remote into the tub a few times during my shower, and after that one of the controls that plays a song sounded like a dying mariachi band. Yes, the whole band. We had to take the batteries out and let it dry up. It’s mostly back to normal now. Since then I’ve had to save several stuffed animals and an opened package of panty liners that she found on top of the toilet tank. Damn her for being tall!

Last night Sophia woke up at midnight and four in the morning.  She slept in until nine in the morning.  It hasn’t been until recently that I realized Sophia has never slept more than four or five hours at a stretch since she was about four months old.  Lately she has developed a habit of waking up at eleven, at one and sometimes a third time at two or three.  I only feed her for the first one (usually) and then for the other two I pick her up, hug her, hold her for a minute and then put her to bed and listen to her scream for twenty minutes or more.  This has only gone on for the last couple months, prior to that her wake up times were more spread out and she genuinely seemed to need to eat.

Yesterday was Sophia’s one-year checkup.  She is thirty and a half inches tall/long and weights eighteen and a half pounds.  She’s in the eighty-fifth to ninetieth percentile for height/length and the twentieth percentile for weight.  I didn’t catch the size of her melon but it’s in the seventy-fifth percentile.

On this visit, Sophia received shots on three of her four limbs.  I intended for Sophia to receive all of her shots according to schedule and all that except for the chickenpox one.  I didn’t know that was given at one year.  I had not had a chance to read up on that one.  No, I’m not worried about her getting autism or any other neurodevelopmental disorders from vaccinates.  I’ve done enough research to know that thimerosal, the evil ingredient in question has been removed or reduced to trace amounts from all vaccines for children under six except for the flu vaccine and because there was never any hard evidence of a relationship between thimerosal in vaccines and autism. I still think sending parents to jail for not vaccinating their kids is bullshit.

I’ve never thought of chickenpox as such big a deal that it warrants a vaccine.  I asked the nurse, “Whatever happened to chickenpox parties?  You know, the Smith girl has chicken pox.  Everyone bring your kids over so they can get it too.”  The nurse said, “Well one hundred people a year die from chickenpox.”  I didn’t say anything but I’ve turned into Kurt after ten years (only I still can’t do math in my head) and I’m thinking, as of July 2007 there are 301,139,947 people in the United States – that’s .000033%  (I didn’t actually come up with that number in the office, I just knew it was a very very tiny percentage).  It’s like nothing.  It might as well be nothing.  Granted, it would suck the big one if we hit the lotto in this case, but unlike the lotto the odds are in our favor in this one.  The scare tactic for this one isn’t working on me.  I had heard that even with the chickenpox vaccine kids were still getting chickenpox and that they could still get shingles, so what’s the point of getting the shot?  I didn’t want to delay her getting chickenpox as a kid and risk her getting it as an adult.  The nurse told us that the chickenpox vaccine is now two vaccines.  With only one vaccine, about 85% would never get chickenpox and after the second vaccine, it was more like 99%.  Also, those that do get chickenpox after the vaccine usually have much milder symptoms and fewer blisters.  Ok fine, I’m sold.  Sophia got the chickenpox shot.

We shared our concerns for the baby pincushion about her not sleeping through the night.  When I told the doctor my routine with her at night and ended my statements with something like, “it’s just easier that way”.  He gave me a look like, “You know this is your fault.”  Yes, I know.  *hanging my head in shame*  He suggested that I wake her up at ten or eleven before I go to bed because Sophia’s bed time is seven and she isn’t up for the day until eleven or twelve hours later.  He said that it’s reasonable for her to sleep eight hours without food at her age, but eleven or twelve is too much. When she wakes up after the midnight snack we (I) just tell her from our room that everything is ok and to go back to sleep.  He also said to push the solid foods in the evening more so she has enough calories to make it through the night.

Our other concern for the baby pincushion was that she isn’t talking.  I’ve mentioned this before, but I don’t know if it was clear that her babbling “ma ma ma” and “da da da” are just babbling.  She isn’t attempting to identify anything or anyone with those syllables.  The doctor said at this point babies only have about four words and they usually don’t come gradually but suddenly in bursts so it’s not time to worry.  I’m a mom, it still bugs me.

I made two cakes. One had walnuts and frosting and one without. I know some will say that a frosting laden cake coupled with a baby would have yielded much more exciting photos, but Sophia is very gentle, dainty, and delicate. She of course had some crumbs in her lap, but really that was the extent of her mess. She barely had anything on the floor at all and she doesn’t rub food into her hair. In this regard she’s an incredibly boring baby, which I’m very grateful for because the little mess that she made was making me twitch.

For the second time, there were three contenders for the prestigious title of “Diaper of the Month”. One of them resembled an oil slick and the other looked like a salad that had been through the paper shredder. They made for some interesting photos, but I had to pick the first one I took for this month. The diaper was a morning one taken on the fourteenth that reeked so bad I was sure it would require half a bag of wipes and therefore a worthy contender for the coveted diaper of the month prize. To my shock, yet delight for a no-fuss no-muss poo, I saw this tiny little shit.

It’s simply amazing that such a little thing can cause such a big stink. Happy Birthday to my little shit.

At Christmas time last year we went to Olan Mills with Kurt’s Mom, Sister, and Niece. It was Kurt’s sister’s Christmas gift to everyone. The pictures all turned out great. The photographer who was also the manager of that particular store took tons of pictures and made sure that we got every family picture combination that we wanted including photos of just Kurt and I with our new baby. I was pleased until it came to the part of picking witch pictures we liked best because not only were they all really good but she kept flipping between them quickly, “which do you like better, number one or number two?” It was like going to an eye exam. I wrote it off as me being sick and groggy though. I mean hell, I even misspelled my own name while signing in! No shit, I was that bad and she still made pictures of me look acceptable - she’s that fucking good!

At Sophia’s six month birthday I went back to Olan Mills without much hesitation. The pictures were phenomenal again. This time I had a clearer head and could pick between number one and two. For most of them I knew what I wanted. She put some photo collages together as examples. I didn’t like the pictures she used on one of them, but liked the collage example itself so I ordered a couple with different photos inserted. It wasn’t until after I paid and was in the car that I noticed she left one of the example collages on my receipt as something I purchased. I went back to have her take it off. She said that she ordered it and I can have it free but she didn’t charge me for it? WTF? Then why was it ordered? She didn’t take it off. I still left, but was irritated. I called another Olan Mills store to verify the price of the collages. A couple weeks later when my pictures came in and I again told her, “look these are $25. I only wanted four of them not five”. She told me they were actually $30 and that I didn’t pay for the fifth one. Really? Then what about that extra $5? She never took off that fifth one. I got it for “free”. I’m still pissed.

A couple weeks ago, I got a flier from the Sears Portrait Studio so today I went there for Sophia’s one year photos. I want to cry. The pictures all suck ass. All of them! The girl took me to the back and asked what sort of background I wanted. I told her I didn’t know, because I didn’t know what they had to offer. Through the whole session she kept the same background. She kept focusing on Sophia’s face, which is fine for some shots, but I had told her this was for her first birthday. I want pictures of my baby’s whole tiny little body too. When she did take a picture of Sophia’s whole body she was so far back, my baby got lost in the background. I purchased three different poses that were only ok. One of the poses was Sophia crying. No, she wasn’t a perfect little subject, but really, what one year old is?

I brought my flier in with me for the session. On the top of the flier it says, “no session fee”. I was charged a fee. They said it was only if I ordered one of their package deals. The flier also said that I could get a portrait CD for as low as $9.99. They said that’s only after the purchase of a $120 CD or a $200 portrait package. The flier said that I could save up to 50% on “personalized collections”. The fine print even said that the savings was based on “individual products sold separately”. Somehow, the four sheets that I did purchase didn’t qualify. The flier said that they could have the portraits ready on the same day. I got that, but before we rejoice, let us have ourselves a little chat about quality.

I can have photos printed up at Costco and have them ready the next day. These are photos I take and send the digital image to Costco. It’s cheap. I can upload photos and pick the number of prints I want of each. I can order 8×10 ($1.49 ea), 5×7 ($0.39 ea), 4×6 (0.17 ea), whatever I want, and these pictures come out GREAT! It’s the same or at least very close to the quality you get from film camera prints. What’s better is that you can even crop the pictures at no extra charge! I could also buy a cheap ass photo printer for about $200 (I’m making it up - I’ve never shopped for one) but then I also have to buy ink and paper and the picture is printed on top of the glossy paper - it looks like crap. Given those two choices, I’ll take Costco without a second thought. So when I ordered my “same day” pictures today from Sears Portrait Studio I was hoping for the Costco quality because I know that just because it’s fast doesn’t mean it’s shit, but I was wrong. Oh so wrong! They used the cheap ass printer. My perfectly porcelain faced baby looks as if she has pink blotches all over her face. And I paid $64.02 for the privilege of all this. Sears Portrait Studio, you’re nothing more than blog fodder and I’m getting my money back as soon as I calm down. You BASTARDS! I’m going back to Olan Mills.

Sophia doesn’t talk yet, not a single word. At her nine-month check-up, I was asked if she was saying “momma” or “dada” yet. Even then, she made the sounds of “ma ma ma” and “da da da”, but they still have no assigned meaning. Unless of course she’s desperately trying to tell us she wants a Volkswagen, in which case I should inform her she needs a job.

I’ve been working with her on signing but I’m not very consistent with it so she’s not picking it up. Baby genius has made up her own signs though. When she’s finished eating or no longer wants me to wave a spoonful of food around her face while aiming for her mouth she’ll throw her arms up in the air like a gymnast at the end of a routine. If I’m lucky, I have the spoon in the jar and not heading towards her face when she makes her announcement. If I’m being persistent, she’ll do what I call the airplane wave off, which is moving both hands back and forth in front of her face so that her arms go from parallel to her neck to making an ‘X’ in front of her face.

I don’t remember if she was doing this before my last milestones post, if not it was soon after. If she wants us to do something, she’ll take our hand and place it on the object she wants to work, like her Playskool Busy Poppin’ Pals toy. She knows how to push the button to make the panda pop up, but the rest of them only pop up by accident, usually when kicking. She’ll take our hand, place it on the toy, and then look at us like, “well, make it work!”

While I was on my trip Kurt told me about an incident with controlling baby and her scooter. He said that she wanted to get on her scooter but since it wasn’t up against something, she couldn’t because it kept moving away from her. Nice daddy Kurt held it for her so she could get on. Once on the scooter she took Kurt’s hand and forcefully pushed it away, “I don’t need you anymore! You’ve serve your purpose peasant.” And off scooting into the sunset she went.

When I came back from my trip she began giving me things, even if I don’t really want them. She takes my hand turns it so it’s palm up and then will place something, usually one of her Mega Bloks. It’s cute but she’s so forceful about what she wants it sometimes makes me think I have a little controller on my hands.

I started Sophia in swimming again. I’m taking her to a new place. I like it a lot better than the high school pool classes we took her to before. The first two sessions at this new place were very similar to the old place, lot of songs and singing Humpty Dumpty before counting to three and letting the baby swimmer ‘jump’ into the pool. The difference was that there were a lot more toddlers in the class and the instructor tries to get to know the infants and toddlers. Also, since those first to sessions the class has progressed and the class we took before never did.

Tuesday and Thursday were her third and fourth swimming sessions. On Tuesday the instructor held one side of a hula hoop while toddler held by a parent holds the other side of the hoop and we passed our infants and toddlers through the hoop to be briefly held by the instructor. He then had them ‘swim’ back to mom or dad. I thought for sure Sophia would cry, but she did fine. She wasn’t sure what to make of this person holding her, but her face didn’t turn upside-down slowing burning red with tears and shrieking like it usually does with many other people.

Thursday we put the kids in life jackets for a while and let them float around. I had Sophia on her back. Again, she did really well. Some stress showed on her face when she realized it wasn’t me that was holding her up, but she just quietly floated near me on her back with her arms and legs tucked in close to her body like a furless sea otter. I wish I had a picture to show, but since I have to be in the water with her, I have none.

Commercials and other age defying cures drive me batty, so I must inform that there isn’t a magic lotion or any other type of topical ointment cream, wrap or elixir that will give back the great young skin everyone wants. Stretch marks, cellulite and wrinkles are part of life. Grow up and old and just fucking accept that the enemy of imperfect skin is deteriorating collagen fibers.

Collagen is a protein in the connective tissue of animals (yes, humans are animals) that allows young skin to have its elasticity. Stretch marks are caused by gaining weight too fast for collagen cells to keep up. This is at cellular level people hence topical crap simply won’t cut it. The best way to avoid stretch marks is to not grow fast, which due to genetics maybe impossible at puberty (I have stretch marks on my knees from growing too fast as a kid). During pregnancy the growing parasite inside and your hormones, determine when you’re hungry and if the food is going to stay down. I was hungry ALL the time when I was pregnant. I remember my stomach waking me up (not the creature inside, but my actual stomach) at 2am and I HAD to eat something. I would be famished even after eating a large meal for dinner. – For those of you from the Midwest, when I say dinner I mean the evening meal not lunch. The evening meal is dinner not supper. The last supper was like 2000 years ago. There’s a painting showing the last supper hanging in a museum somewhere, so stop calling it supper. It makes my ass twitch to hear the word supper. It sounds stupid so just stop, ok?

Whether from puberty or pregnancy you won’t be able to control the rapid growth. **Pregnancy is not a time to diet.** So unless your mother, grandmothers and great-grandmothers all came away from pregnancy with out a mark you’re doomed to see those red lines. They will eventually fade and then only show up when attempting to tan. I think my red lines finally went away a couple months ago. I didn’t really notice when they disappeared. They didn’t leave a note. But I do know it took months because I remember wondering when they would finally leave.

Nothing topical helps cellulite either. The keys to keeping cellulite at bay are:

• Eating plenty of fruits, vegetables, and fiber
• Staying hydrated
• Regular exercise - this doesn’t mean marathon insanity just get up and move around. Walking is great exercise
• Maintaining a healthy weight for your body frame/type (if you’re doing the previous three listed bullets and there are no medical conditions or medications affecting weight, this one should fall into place on its own)
• Not smoking

Cellulite forms when collagen in areas that have fat near the surface of the skin – mostly tights and butt on women - stretch, break down, or pull tight. This doesn’t mean that only fat people get cellulite. It has to do more with being female (it’s more common in women than men – lucky us) and the collagen stretching and/or breaking down because skinny women can have it too. Several things may play a role in cellulite forming, genetics, hormones, fad dieting, slow metabolism, and even dehydration.

I gained 42 pounds when I was pregnant. My digestive system slowed down, and hormones ran amuck. I had cottage cheese ass and it wasn’t pretty. I’m back to my regular 130 pounds and things are mostly back to normal. I don’t have the dimples, but some stuff will never be quite like when I was 23, ever.

The only thing the topical lotions/ointments and other crap are good for is dry itchy skin, however the itchiness isn’t going to go away completely if your skin is healing scars or stretching across a pregnant belly. You’ll only get temporary relief from that.

In the US we tend to bathe too often and it doesn’t help our skin at all. Note that though I’m aware of this tidbit I still shower daily unless I’m camping or I just want to be left alone to my dirty-hippy-vegan-patchouli-oil-wearing self. No, I’m not a vegan. I’ve never even considered being vegetarian, and I’ve NEVER used patchouli oil. For those of you who do use it you should know that those of us that don’t think you smell funny and not in any sort of good way. Now go take a fucking shower and wash your funky hair.

Using regular soap instead of soaps with their natural glycerin byproduct removed and/or added detergents really helps. If you want to know what’s in your soaps, lotions and other cosmetics go to the Environmental Working Group’s Skin Deep Cosmetic Safety Database.