Category Archives: Pregnancy and Motherhood

From the truly tasteless and disgusting to emotional stories that feel very much like heartburn squirming on a pitchfork this is my parenting journey from pregnancy forward.

Sure signs of pregnancy

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As if I needed more proof of pregnancy, the top ten signs of third trimester pregnancy…

  1. People treat you as if you have a special condition.
  2. Everyone asks you for “belly pictures”.
  3. Your stomach is so bulbous that if you were a kitten or puppy you would be treated for worms.
  4. Even if you stared out looking like a beanpole and wore a size ten shoe, you can’t see your feet
  5. Your belly randomly shifts from a “cute” round basketball to a square box complete with pokey corners at least five times a day.
  6. If everything is going well and your baby has shifted to the proper “ready” position your cervix becomes a trampoline that is only used when you’re trying to sleep.
  7. Your hips don’t crack where your legs attach anymore, but instead crack where they attach to your back. You also crack in the front, which is quite a “unique” feeling.
  8. Now that your almost done people skip the “oh you’re pregnant, congratulations” stuff and go right into how you should care for your baby and “the best” way to raise your child.
  9. You begin to leak from places you never had to worry about leaking before, ever!

    10. And the number one sign you’re in your third trimester of pregnancy that lead me to create this list is…

  10. You go downstairs to get your purse in order to obtain your credit card and finish an online transaction, but you come back with a plate of Oreo Cookies and a glass of milk completely forgetting the reason you made the trek in the first place.

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Eight days

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I’m eight days away from my due date and of course everyone is asking how I’m doing…

I’ve been doing ok. My heartburn isn’t as bad as it was a few weeks ago, but I think I’ve finally reached that, “GET THIS THING OUT OF ME!” stage. I’m having a hard time sleeping because just to turn over at night requires me to wake up, sit up a bit, turn over, and readjust pillows – and then I have to go pee! Getting up and laying down causes me to crack in places I never new could crack, and Sophia has this lovely habit of kicking me in the ribs and bouncing off my cervix like it’s a trampoline. It’s really getting annoying! I’m so ready for the “blessed event” as Kurt keeps calling it.

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Bonding with the fetus

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In our newborn care class one of the first topics the instructor went over was bonding with baby and she asked about ways that we’re currently bonding with our babies while still in the womb. I started to snicker. The facilitator looked at Kurt and I. I piped up with, “zerburts and poking at the belly” (zerburts are also known as raspberries). What I didn’t mention was Kurt cupping his hands around my belly nearly every morning and yelling into my belly button. “Sophia, this is your father.” Think of Star Wars and the “Luke I’m your father” line. That’s the tone Kurt takes on. This morning Sophia kicked at his hand when he asked if she was awake. Yep, guess so.

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Embarrassing moments

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On Friday, I went out to lunch with a friend/coworker and when we got back, I of course had to use the facilities. Upon drying my hands, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I noticed a small stain on my shirt. Oh, that’s not a stain, it’s wet. There was a wet spot on my shirt. A wet spot right where my left nipple likes to sit. I guess this is where v-necks come in handy because it made it easy to check. Did it really – yep that’s where I thought that pesky wet spot came from.

I went over to my friend’s cube to tell her. “Oh, I thought you just spilled something.” she said innocently. She’s really good at the innocent part.

“What?!? You knew and didn’t say anything?” People dribble down the center of their shirts. They don’t dribble directly onto the end of a nipple – that takes aim.

I went back to my cube and put on a fleece even though I was hot. Zipped it all the way up just to make sure nothing popped out to say hello.

I had actually leaked a bit from the same side a couple days prior in the safety of my own home, but I wrote that off because I had been laying on my side in such a way I thought I had squeezed it out.

Now like a thirteen year old I stuff my bra before heading out into public. And every time I go to the bathroom, I check the lines of my nursing pads to make sure no one can tell they’re there, which adds another flashback to being thirteen or fourteen all over again with the beginning of menstrual cycles. I think those of you who wore or still wear “feminine napkins” can relate to spinning around in the bathroom stalls at school trying to make sure that absolutely no one can tell you’re wearing a king sized mattress between your legs. You scoot it to the front, feel for lines. Scoot it to the back, spin around. Feel for lines in the back, spin around again. Hike you pants up high, pinch with your legs, let your pants go to their natural position, and spin around to check one last time. If you’re a guy reading this – THAT is what takes girls so long in the bathroom.

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Weekly appointment

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I had my now weekly doctor appointment today. I’m down one pound from last week to 172 and the baby’s heart rate was up to the 140′s again today. I made a comment that it was up from before but the doctor said it was fine. My cervix is in the posterior position, has softened, and I’m 1 centimeter dilated. I’m not sure if “softened” and “effaced” are the same thing. I didn’t ask and he didn’t give an effaced percentage. Kurt had asked if it’s plus or minus two weeks from the due date and he told us that he won’t let me go out that far so anyone that guessed past October 4th on my baby pool have already lost the game.

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STOP Kicking ME!

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Dear Sophia,

Yesterday you kicked, turned and twisted about all day long. I don’t mind this. It lets me know you’re still doing well in the tight quarters I have provided you free of charge for the past 38 weeks, however if you continue to kick me in the ribs and hit what feels like my cervix I’m going to have the doctor pull you out by the ears. Now knock it off!

Love, Mom

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Keywords and phrases

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I’ve seen this done on a few blogs, so I thought I’d join in the fun. This is the list of searches that lead people to my blog during the month of August:

“heartburn potatoes” – You know when I started posting about my heartburn I expected it to come up in searches, but never with potatoes. I don’t feel like as much of a freak now. Thank you. Who ever you are.

“my mum does not want to know about my baby s birth” – Wow, that’s really sad. I’m so sorry to hear that. What’s odd is that I did the search in Google and found that the first draft of my birth plan was listed second using that phrase.

“alisha blimka”
“huntwood industries”
“huntwood discrimination”
“huntwood industries lawsuit”
“huntwood suit”
“huntwood industries court case” – Nothing funny about these SIX searches, but they were very near the top. These would all lead to my post about a woman that was fired for going against her employer’s religion and living with her boyfriend.

“why get cramp in my toes” – Why not? Seems as good a place as any to get a cramp.

“baby benadryl” – I don’t know if this person actually wants a bottle of it, but on my site it leads to a post about an irritated flight attendant.

“poker” – this person must have been REALLY bored to find my blog using just the word “poker”. The only post in which I mention that word (until this post of course) is one where I talk about how I spent my New Years Eve and I only used it once at the very end of the post.

“my first home birth” – I really don’t get this. Why would someone want to take this risk? I want doctors and nurses around me. I want to know that the baby and I will come out of this alive. Just because you’re in a hospital doesn’t mean that you have to accept all the cool drugs they offer. You can do the natural thing there and in the event that things don’t work out they will do their damnedest to make sure you and baby live. Yes, people used to give birth at home and in those days there was also a high rate of women dying during child birth and babies that didn’t make it. And why ruin your own bed and flooring with blood and other fluids – let the hospital ruin their stuff and the staff take care of the mess.

“animal boys mom” – I think in order to get where you want to go you’ll have to be more specific.

“7 foods never to eat during conceiving” – uumm I can’t think of anything you need to avoid during conception. As a matter a fact I hear alcohol is how most people get pregnant. :P I would avoid handling jalapeños (or anything containing capsaicin) and then handling your partner’s genitals though.

“worst pregnancy symptoms” – My worst were the taste in my mouth for the first trimester and in the third trimester definitely the heartburn!

“voyeur” – That’s it I’m investing in curtains.

“spotting and nosebleed at 10 weeks” – oh coming out at both ends, that’s no fun. I’d see a doctor about the spotting.

“are pregnancy symptoms worse at night” – The heartburn yes! When you lay down the stomach acid tend to come all the way up. Pregnancy, ahh what a magically romantic time. Oh and having to pee every 15 minutes is more annoying at night too. It interrupts the whole trying to get some sleep bit.

“pregnancy drain” – Yes, yes it is.

“bumgenius wordpress” – The only thing a cloth diaper and blogging software have in common is this search right here.

“bloody nose heartburn” – WOW, and I thought my heartburn was bad!

“panties for obese woman” – Try the special panties that Mormons are supposed to wear.

“car seat big enough for cloth diapers?” – uuumm if your child won’t fit in the car seat because of the diaper I’m guessing you have no confidence in the absorbency of cloth and have over diapered your poor baby.

“6 week burning sensation pregnancy” – I’m no doctor but it sounds like you got an STD with your pregnancy. Congratulations!

“journal of pediatrics and baby einstein video”
“journal of pediatrics baby einstein”
“journal of pediatrics baby einstein university of washington” – My thoughts on the article that prompted all these Baby Einstein searches in one word, BULLSHIT.

“foreskin blogs” – I say keep the foreskin, but really, is it THAT important? I can just picture guys all networking together blogging about their special connection with their foreskin.

“why does pregnancy make you feel like an emotional monster” – It’s called HORMONES dear.

“i am stuff and things” – I really don’t know how to respond to that. Truly you are special stuff.

“eat banana during cough” – Just try not to choke, ok?

“pregnancy pet bird safety” – Birds don’t get pregnant, they lay eggs. Didn’t your parents explain the birds and bees to you?

“woo hoo biking in calif a different animal” – Funny this search lead to my “about me” page.

“citrucel and pregnancy” – You must use it! I don’t know how I would have made it without.

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Weekly Accomplishments Update

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I finally completed the first batch of tasks that I set for myself, which were to clean the upstairs of my house including cleaning out Sophia’s room (Kurt helped a lot there). I finished all the tasks from August 6th, which were to arrange the after baby shower dinner reservations, make a vet appointment for Gandalf, call the babysitting referral a coworker gave me, and make a doctor appointment for myself.

The babysitter I called wasn’t able to say if she would have an opening when I need it because I guess 6 months is too far out for private babysitters whereas the bigger daycare centers have waiting lists – ugg. I got a very good overall vibe from her though. She even gave me some great advice in finding a sitter. Unfortunately she prefers full time kids as opposed to just the three days a week that I would need. She said to check back with her once the baby is born. Maybe we can work something out. Her fee is $180 a WEEK! – OUCH! But I guess that’s about the norm for this area.

Kurt and I made tamales the day after the baby shower, which was on my August 13th task list along with enjoying my baby shower. The shower was fantastic – I wish I could say the same for the tamales. I’ve been forced to promise Kurt that I will never ever ever again mess with the tamale masa recipe that my mother uses. He’s exact words were, “Why mess with perfection?” Oh wait till my mother hears that! She’ll never let me live that one down!! My tamales came out HORRIBLE!! On the up side I perfected my pozole recipe. I usually make pozole after making tamales because I always have leftover homemade chicken broth – I also perfected the flavor of my chicken broth so my next batch of tamales should be beyond perfect. ;-)

This week’s goal is to hound our lawyer about the paternity and estate planning documents that he promised to mail last week, and hopefully we’ll get that all done this week since we pretty much know how we want things set up already.

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Cloth vs. disposable diapers

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At Friday’s doctor appointment, Kurt thought it would be funny to step on the scale as the nurse weighed me. When I saw the scale swing up to 190, I immediately flipped around to see “what” was fucking with the scale. I’m now 173 pounds.

This appointment Kurt also decided it was time he start asking the doctor questions and try to get an authoritative figure on his side of our cloth vs. disposable diaper argument. The question he posed was, “Are there any medial concerns for using disposable diapers?” Ass – I know that millions of babies use disposable diapers with no medical problems other than diaper rash, which also happens to cloth diaper wearing babies (that’s pretty much what the doctor said regarding medical “issues” as well). I have already told Kurt I just want to avoid all the extra crap companies put into disposables and I’m hoping that *maybe* we’ll have less diaper rashes to deal with. That’s it! I will clean the diapers, he doesn’t have to touch ‘em other than to change the baby, and the diapers I’m looking at will be just as easy to change as disposables.

Here is the warning on Pampers disposable diapers,

Pampers Swaddlers contain these mild ingredients which are gentle to the skin: Petrolatum, Stearyl Alcohol, Aloe Extract.

If you notice a gel-like material on your baby’s skin, don’t be alarmed. This comes from the diaper padding and can easily be removed by wiping your baby’s skin with a cloth.

By the way Petrolatum is the same thing as petroleum jelly which I was just told in our newborn care class shouldn’t be used on baby’s skin. And that “gel-like” material is Sodium polyacrylate, which is the same stuff that causes Toxic Shock Syndrome in women that wear tampons and don’t change them frequently enough. – Yes, I realize there is a difference between wearing a diaper and inserting a tampon in the who-ha. I just don’t like the idea of my baby wearing diapers 24/7 with that stuff. I also realize that Sodium polyacrylate is used in “feminine napkins”, but I don’t know anyone that uses them 24/7 for two plus years. Generally they’re only used 24/7 for three to seven days out of the month.

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Newborn care class

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Last night Kurt and I had our last baby class. This one was about newborn care. There wasn’t anything exceptional about this class. It was a good class, but I think it could be skipped. It was pretty basic and the things that I didn’t know prior to taking these classes were actually covered in “feeding your baby” class and the “childbirth preparation” class. About the only things I came away with was how to swaddle the baby snuggly so she doesn’t come undone easily (we actually went over that in another class, but I had already forgotten how) and that it is recommended that NO powders are used on baby. For the powders it’s because most contain talc which has been linked to respiratory problems and even those powers that are corn starch based are not good because they can cause yeast problems.

Now that I think about it there were a couple other things and that’s bathing the baby and care of the cord stump. For bathing in the first month I didn’t know that all you use is water while they adjust to life outside the womb. I didn’t think about the baby’s skin being water logged despite knowing what my sick and twisted little melon headed baby is currently swimming in. Everyday she said to use a wash cloth to wipe each eye, clean each ear (absolutely no q-tips) and wipe the face. Once or twice a week we can bathe baby and the only places we might use soap at first would be on the head and the bottom. At the hospital our departing gifts will include a brush to help with cradle cap. She said that despite the dry skin that babies have while adjusting that we shouldn’t use any lotions or oils and especially not petroleum jelly. I’ve never even heard of putting petroleum jelly on a baby. I would think that would be a given, no? Bath water should be the same as baby’s temperature which should be around 98 to 99 degrees. One interesting tid-bit for me was that baby’s temperature should become normal 48 hours after birth and then if we take baby’s temperature (armpits with a digital thermometer – no more rectal – Yay!) that will be the normal temperature for the rest of her life.

Caring for the umbilical cord stump is just a matter of keeping it dry. She said that if it gets “gunky”, which can happen usually after about five days, just take a q-tip (the absolute only time ever to use a q-tip on baby) and wipe it out. No rubbing alcohol, just a clean q-tip.

I’ve never read the book but I keep hearing about, The Happiest Baby on the Block: The New Way to Calm Crying and Help Your Newborn Baby Sleep Longer. I’ve heard that it’s excellent, but if you don’t have the time to read it or don’t want to spend the money I’ve also heard this book can be summed up with the five S’s, “swaddling, side/stomach position, shushing, swinging and sucking”. This is apparently what grandmothers have been doing for eons to soothe a crying baby, but this author is making bank on it because it’s now written in a simple list and added the assertion that this is all you need to know and it works 100% of the time. This book was brought up in class and in the “Feeding your baby” class. The nurses teaching the classes say that the five S’s are a great place to start and work most of the time for most babies, but it isn’t the end all list. It was also mentioned that for the “sucking” part that breastfeeding moms should use a “Soothie” instead of regular pacifiers because a “Soothie” forces the baby to use it’s tongue in the same way it would to breastfeed. The other thing that works is your finger, but she said that it’s more likely to soothe if your finger positioned so that it curls upward in baby’s mouth vs. curling down (as in if you were to curl your finger in baby’s mouth the tip of your finger would touch the roof of the mouth instead of the tongue). – Make sure to trim your nails! :P

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