The Menagerie Archive

Last night Kurt and I were watching one of George Carlin’s old comedy acts. I’ve seen them all before. I’m a huge fan of Uncle George and was in a odd daze for a couple days after his death. Kurt thought that he had found an act that we hadn’t seen yet, but it turned out he simply didn’t rate it on Netflix. It didn’t matter. I love Carlin. I may not laugh at every bit like I used to, but I appreciate and enjoy it just the same. The comedy bit we heard last night had the seven dirty words skit plus three add on words and an informative history of the word fuck. It turns out, according to Uncle George, that the word fuck in old English originally mean to hit something as with a stick. It has somehow morphed into a sexual word. Some people combine sex and violence as Uncle George acknowledges, but it seems odd to marry the two with one word, unless describing a specific act. Towards the end of his fuck tirade he says,

“The person who thought up the slogan, ‘Make Love, Not War,’ . . . his job was over that day. He could’ve retired at that moment. If it would’ve been me, I would’ve walked away. So long, I’m goin’ to the beach. You guys work it out.”

“Now I have a slogan, too. It’s not as euphonious. It doesn’t roll off the tongue. It’s ‘Make Fuck, Not Kill.’ Substitute the word ‘fuck’ for the word ‘kill’ in all of our writings. I’d love to see it. Just for awhile. Just for a year or so. And we would change.”

He gives some examples of the switched words like, “my horse broke his leg, guess I have to fuck him now”.

Another comedian I like to watch is Jeff Dunham. He’s a ventriloquist with several puppets. My favorite is Achmed the Dead Terrorist. Achmed is easily upset by audiences that laugh at jokes told about him and will say, “Silence! I kill you!” Except that it sounds like, “I keel you!” which is what we currently yell at our cat when he sits just outside our wide-open bedroom door and meows incessantly. Thanks to the two comedians, we’ve decided it might be more effective if we yell, “Silence! I fuck you!” as our threat to the cat.

We also decided that instead of yelling, “I’m gonna fuckin’ kill you” when we’re upset at each other or the cat we shall kill and then fuck. It seems only humane.

We’ve grown apart over the years and I’m so sorry for that. I hope you can forgive me. I’ve bought a ramp so we can go places together more easily. At your age, obviously, five-mile bicycle rides are out, but I hope to be close again. It’d help if you stopped shitting in the house.

Flash Fiction Friday is hosted by g-man. You may also visit Flash Fiction Friday 55’s, a blog dedicated to hosting 55 Flash Fiction Friday posts.

She squeaks delighted to see him run under the chairs and beds and giggles when he leaps to high places. She follows him butt-scooting wherever she can. She loves the cat. Too bad the feeling isn’t mutual. He looks up at me as if to say, “Would you keep that damn pink squishy thing AWAY!”

Flash Fiction Friday is hosted by g-man. You may also visit Flash Fiction Friday 55’s, a blog dedicated to hosting 55 Flash Fiction Friday posts.

In case you’re not part of the “dirty hippy vegan” club as Kurt calls it, GSE or Grapefruit Seed Extract is this wildly popular “natural” do it all medication/supplement, household cleaner, fruit and vegetable wash, and food and cosmetic preservative. Does that sound odd and maybe a little scary to anyone else?

I discovered GSE though researching parrot diet and nutrition. One thing that kept coming up in bird forums, books, and web sites was using GSE for sprouting to reduce risk of mold and for cleaning their cage because birds are very sensitive to the chemical products many use. I’ve noticed GSE all over the place since my initial search, and because of what I’ve found out about it, that makes me twitch. Some brands of GSE apparently are truly Grapefruit Seed Extract, and they do none of the above listed tasks any better than water. Other brands however, are not what they seem. I’m not saying that ingesting them will kill or maim. It might not even make people sick if used in the diluted amounts recommended by manufacturers as a vegetable wash, but if your goal is to reduce your exposure to chemicals, I’m afraid you may have been duped. Just to be on the safe side I would not add GSE to pet foods, take it as a pregnant woman nor feed it to an infant, but that’s just me.

From the National Center for Biotechnology Information’s site, 1999 tests that revealed preservatives:

Aspects of the antimicrobial efficacy of grapefruit seed extract and its relation to preservative substances contained.

Institute of Pharmacy, Ernst Moritz Arndt University, Greifswald, Germany.

The antimicrobial efficacy as well as the content of preservative agents of six commercially available grapefruit seed extracts were examined. Five of the six extracts showed a high growth inhibiting activity against the test germs Bacillus subtilis SBUG 14, Micrococcus flavus SBUG 16, Staphylococcus aureus SBUG 11, Serratia marcescens SBUG 9, Escherichia coli SBUG 17, Proteus mirabilis SBUG 47, and Candida maltosa SBUG 700. In all of the antimicrobial active grapefruit seed extracts, the preservative benzethonium chloride was detected by thin layer chromatography. Additionally, three extracts contained the preserving substances triclosan and methyl parabene. In only one of the grapefruit seed extracts tested no preservative agent was found. However, with this extract as well as with several self-made extracts from seed and juiceless pulp of grapefruits (Citrus paradisi) no antimicrobial activity could be detected (standard serial broth dilution assay, agar diffusion test). Thus, it is concluded that the potent as well as nearly universal antimicrobial activity being attributed to grapefruit seed extract is merely due to the synthetic preservative agents contained within. Natural products with antimicrobial activity do not appear to be present.

From the United States Department of Agriculture’s site (bold text is my emphasis):

Identification of Benzalkonium Chloride in Commercial Grapefruit Seed Extracts

Submitted to: Journal of Agricultural and Food Chemistry
Publication Type: Peer Reviewed Journal
Publication Date: August 12, 2005
Citation: Takeoka, G.R., Dao, L.T., Wong, R.Y., Harden, L.A. 2005. Identification of Benzalkonium Chloride in Commercial Grapefruit Seed Extracts. Journal of Agricultural and Food Chemistry. 53:7630-7636.

“In this study we identified a new synthetic adulterant, benzalkonium chloride, in commercial GSE samples. This ingredient is a synthetic antimicrobial agent that is widely used in cleaning and disinfection agents. The presence of benzalkonium chloride in a commercial product designated for internal and external use by humans is troubling in light of its toxicity and allergenicity.”

From the Food and Drug Administration’s site (bold text is my emphasis):

Analysis and Evaluation of Preventive Control Measures for the Control and
Reduction/Elimination of Microbial Hazards on Fresh and Fresh-Cut Produce

Chapter VI

Microbiological Safety of Controlled and Modified Atmosphere Packaging of Fresh and Fresh-Cut Produce

“Antimicrobial compounds have also been used with traditional films such as low-density polyethylene (LDPE); for example, the fungicide Imazalil (IM) and the antimicrobial grapefruit seed extract (GFSE) have recently been used with bell peppers and lettuce, respectively (Miller and others 1984; Han 2000)…”

“…Lee and others (1998) investigated the ability of GFSE with LDPE films to inhibit growth of E. coli, Staphylocuccus aureus, molds, yeasts, and lactic acid bacteria, using the plate disk test. Films containing 1.0% GFSE in LDPE film inhibited E. coli and S. aureus as demonstrated by a clear zone; however, molds, yeasts and lactic acid bacteria were unaffected…”

“…Grapefruit seed extract is reported to be inhibitory to a number of human pathogens. There has been evidence, however, that any antibacterial activity of commercial preparations is due to the various preservative agents (triclosan, methyl parabene, benzethonium chloride) contained within the product. Researchers have found that products not containing any preservatives and several self-made preparations had no antimicrobial activity (Woedtke and others 1999). In the aforementioned study by Lee and others (1998), the composition of the GFSE incorporated in the film was not discussed or examined. It is obvious that if pure GFSE is to be used, its antimicrobial properties will have to be fully investigated. If the active antimicrobial ingredients in commercial GFSE preparations are preserving agents, they may be better targets for investigation.”

From the National Center for Biotechnology Information’s site, 2006 tests that again revealed preservatives:

Development and validation of an HPLC/UV/MS method for simultaneous determination of 18 preservatives in grapefruit seed extract.

Institute of Pharmacy, University of Innsbruck, Innrain 52, 6020 Innsbruck, Austria. markus.ganzera@uibk.ac.at

Grapefruit seed extracts are used in cosmetics, food supplements, and pesticides because of their antimicrobial properties, but suspicions about the true nature of the active compounds arose when synthetic disinfectants such as benzethonium or benzalkonium chloride were found in commercial products. The HPLC method presented herein allows the quality assessment (qualitative and quantitative) of these products for the first time. On the basis of a standard mixture of 18 preservatives most relevant for food and grapefruit products, a method was developed allowing the baseline separation of all compounds within 40 min. Optimum results were obtained with a C-8 stationary phase and a solvent system comprising aqueous trifluoroacetic acid, acetonitrile, and 2-propanol. The assay was fully validated and shown to be sensitive (LOD < or= 12.1 ng on-column), accurate (recovery rates > or = 96.1%), repeatable (sigma(rel) < or = 3.5%), precise (intra-day variation < or = 4.5%, interday variation < or = 4.1%), and rugged. Without any modifications the method could be adopted for LC-MS experiments, where the compounds of interest were directly assignable in positive ESI mode. The quantitative results of several products for ecofarming confirmed previous studies, as seven out of nine specimens were adulterated with preservatives in varying composition. The samples either contained benzethonium chloride (2.5-176.9 mg/mL) or benzalkonium chloride (138.2-236.3 mg/mL), together with smaller amounts of 4-hydroxybenzoic acid esters, benzoic acid, and salicylic acid.

This morning Sophia sat on my lap facing me with her feet up kicking at my chest stopping momentarily to let out a wet squishy fart. Her farts usually come in twos or threes so I waited for - yep there it went right on cue. I waited ten more minutes to make sure. Ok time to change the baby. Lift her up and…oh crap looks like I get to change my pants too. I guess white onesies aren’t the only ones susceptible to blowouts. Pink Elmo onesies may also be shit on.

I changed the baby and figured since I have to change my clothes I may as well take a shower at that time, but first I’ll let the dogs outside. Now from time to time I feel guilty that we only allow the dogs in our tiled basement. Today turned out to not be one of those days. I went downstairs to find that one of the dogs left me a wonderfully smelly surprise, and it wasn’t very easy to clean up because it wasn’t horribly solid.

This is the write up I did for the person that will care for my “kids” when I’m in the hospital. It’s two pages! - Just imagine how much the poor schmuck that volunteers to babysit Sophia for a couple hours will have to read through!

The Dogs
Their food (Pro Plan Sensitive Skin & Stomach Formula), pills, and arthritis medicine are in the garage – just inside the door. The food is next to the tiny chest freezer, and the meds/pills are in a Tupperware bowl on top of the freezer.

The dogs are not allowed beyond the “mud room” please keep the door between the “mud room” and the rest of the house closed while the dogs are inside eating.

Petie: Four scoops of food (scoop is in the bag), two “Move Free” glucosamine pills, and his arthritis medicine (insert the syringe into bottle and turn bottle so that it’s opening faces down – that way you don’t fill the syringe with air) fill the syringe up to the “100″ mark. All of this can go into his food dish – no need to shove pills down his throat. Make sure to fill his dish with water or he’ll literally choke his food down.

Chelan: Three scoops of food, two “Move Free” glucosamine pills, and also fill her dish with water (the water isn’t as critical for her, she doesn’t eat *that* fast).

Please supervise as they eat so that Petie doesn’t steal Chelan’s food. If Chelan doesn’t eat don’t worry too much – she’s a freak of nature. Just dump any of her uneaten food in the gravel just past our “lawn” in the front yard.

Their water bucket is right outside the sliding door in the back yard. There isn’t functional water spigot in the back yard. If they need water you’ll need to fill either using the kitchen sink (please don’t spill on the hardwood floors) or go through the large garage door and up the front steps it’s on the right side.

The 12 pound cat that you will never see…
Bailey’s food, dish, and water are all in the kitchen. He can eat about two scoops (scoop is in the bag) of his food per day. Half of his food lands on the floor as he eats, which he then deems it completely inedible. *eye roll* You can give him both scoops of food at one time. Hell, leave the food bag open on the floor. I don’t worry about him overeating – he’s invisible after all.

Squeaky bird
Gandalf’s food dishes are on the left side of the cupboard that’s next to the refrigerator. They are the green ceramic ones. There are only four total and there is a good chance all of them are dirty. Please check the sink His food is kept in the refrigerator in a dish that is on top of the veggie drawers on the left side. The food is in a zip lock bag inside said dish. Each bag of food will last for about four meals. He gets about three to four tablespoons of this food for each meal and needs to be fed twice a day. His feedings don’t have to be 12 hours apart nor do they have to be the same hours that we typically feed, but we usually feed him at 6 or 7 am and then at 6 to 7 pm. Extra bags of food are kept in the freezer (very bottom) and take about 24 hours to thaw, so if the current bag looks low just place another in the dish with it from the freezer. We keep them in the dish because they sometimes leak as they thaw.

Gandalf’s water is in a water bottle that is accessible from the outside of his cage. It rarely needs to be filled, but if it looks low fill it to the tippy top with the filtered water from the fridge (that’s on the top shelf on the right side). When feeding Gandalf please put the new food dish where the previous food dish was – we only use that one back corner so that he doesn’t fling food onto the carpet.

Thank you so much for volunteering to feed the “kids”. I really appreciate it.

On Friday, I took Gandalf to the vet. She said that if his feather chewing wasn’t from an irritation to begin with it certainly is now because all he has on that one wing are poky itchy feather stubs. She said the good thing is that he isn’t picking at his skin and that because he’s plucking his wing it’s unlikely he’ll pluck his body (body pluckers tend to get cold easy). So right now, he’s on two medications. One medication is to relieve the itchiness and the other is an herbal equivalent to birdy Valium to take the edge off in case he’s stressing about changes in his environment (my pregnancy). An article about the herbal treatment Gandalf’s vet prescribed was published in Exotic Dvm magazine.

As a kid I thought it was great fun to set off fireworks. When my daughter is old enough we’ll probably buy some small firecrackers for her to play with (supervised of course). For now I’d really rather just go downtown and watch the professional fireworks.

I still live in an area where fireworks are legal although legally they’re only supposed to be used on the 4th of July. The reality is that my neighborhood sounds like a war zone two weeks before the 4th and two weeks after. I don’t mind that they’re legal I just wish people would respect the fact that others need to work in the morning and not shell the house at midnight and two am for a month. At 6am Saturday morning, my boyfriend and I woke up to four very loud explosions – not horribly neighborly if you ask me.

If they would actually restrict their bombings to the fourth and maybe New Years, I wouldn’t have any issues with it. It’s not that big a deal for me to sedate the dogs two days a year and keep them in the house. I don’t want to ruin someone’s celebration, but until everyone follows the rules I’m forced to stay home every night lest my malamute starts pulling the siding off the house to try and get in (He’s never actually done that but he does run around the yard too scared to even drink water because he doesn’t want to turn his back on the kids setting off the fireworks.) My husky takes it well (she’s too stupid to be scared) – The malamute on the other hand has had an extremely bad experience in the past with kids actually lighting a whole package of “black cats” and lobbing it at him. Now every year my 120-pound dog shakes like a shell shocked Vietnam Vet at even the tiniest “pop” and he hates little boys.