Soapbox Archive

He’s not really my uncle, but I wish he had been a relative of mine. I seriously almost cried this morning while I was in line for my daily mocha fix. I heard the news before I left home, but I guess I was just stunned. It didn’t really sink in until I sat in line waiting for my not-really-coffee even though I had made the joke to Kurt that I should call in sick.

I’m not one for collecting things. I’m well aware that any stuff I choose to collect most people would view as shit. That’s ok. At least they wouldn’t steel it. I do wish I had some shit signed by Mr. George Carlin though. Not too much shit mind you, I don’t want to have to buy a new house for my stuff. I think it would be really cool to have something tangible to remember him by. Not that it matters, but I’ll really miss him. Gee, he was just here a minute ago.

GEORGE CARLIN
His view of The 10 Commandments from the HBO special “Complaints and Grievances”

Here is my problem with the ten commandments- why exactly are there 10?

You simply do not need ten. The list of ten commandments was artificially and deliberately inflated to get it up to ten. Here’s what happened:

About 5,000 years ago a bunch of religious and political hustlers got together to try to figure out how to control people and keep them in line. They knew people were basically stupid and would believe anything they were told, so they announced that God had given them some commandments, up on a mountain, when no one was around.

Well let me ask you this- when they were making this shit up, why did they pick 10? Why not 9 or 11? I’ll tell you why- because 10 sound official. Ten sounds important! Ten is the basis for the decimal system, it’s a decade, it’s a psychologically satisfying number (the top ten, the ten most wanted, the ten best dressed). So having ten commandments was really a marketing decision! It is clearly a bullshit list. It’s a political document artificially inflated to sell better. I will now show you how you can reduce the number of commandments and come up with a list that’s a little more workable and logical. I am going to use the Roman Catholic version because those were the ones I was taught as a little boy.

Let’s start with the first three:

I AM THE LORD THY GOD
THOU SHALT NOT HAVE STRANGE GODS BEFORE ME

THOU SHALT NOT TAKE THE NAME OF THE LORD THY GOD IN VAIN

THOU SHALT KEEP HOLY THE SABBATH

Right off the bat the first three are pure bullshit. Sabbath day? Lord’s name? strange gods? Spooky language! Designed to scare and control primitive people. In no way does superstitious nonsense like this apply to the lives of intelligent civilized humans in the 21st century. So now we’re down to 7. Next:

HONOR THY FATHER AND MOTHER

Obedience, respect for authority. Just another name for controlling people. The truth is that obedience and respect shouldn’t be automatic. They should be earned and based on the parent’s performance. Some parents deserve respect, but most of them don’t, period. You’re down to six.

Now in the interest of logic, something religion is very uncomfortable with, we’re going to jump around the list a little bit.

THOU SHALT NOT STEAL

THOU SHALT NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS

Stealing and lying. Well actually, these two both prohibit the same kind of behavior- dishonesty. So you don’t really need two you combine them and call the commandment “thou shalt not be dishonest”. And suddenly you’re down to 5.

And as long as we’re combining I have two others that belong together:

THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTRY

THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR’S WIFE

Once again, these two prohibit the same type of behavior. In this case it is marital infidelity. The difference is- coveting takes place in the mind. But I don’t think you should outlaw fantasizing about someone else’s wife because what is a guy gonna think about when he’s waxing his carrot? But, marital fidelity is a good idea so we’re gonna keep this one and call it “thou shalt not be unfaithful”. And suddenly we’re down to four.

But when you think about it, honesty and fidelity are really part of the same overall value so, in truth, you could combine the two honesty commandments with the two fidelity commandments and give them simpler language, positive language instead of negative language and call the whole thing “thou shalt always be honest and faithful” and we’re down to 3.

THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR”S GOODS

This one is just plain fuckin’ stupid. Coveting your neighbor’s goods is what keeps the economy going! Your neighbor gets a vibrator that plays “o come o ye faithful”, and you want one too! Coveting creates jobs, so leave it alone. You throw out coveting and you’re down to 2 now- the big honesty and fidelity commandment and the one we haven’t talked about yet:

THOU SHALT NOT KILL

Murder. But when you think about it, religion has never really had a big problem with murder. More people have been killed in the name of god than for any other reason. All you have to do is look at Northern Ireland, Kashmir, the Inquisition, the Crusades, and the World Trade Center to see how seriously the religious folks take thou shalt not kill. The more devout they are, the more they see murder as being negotiable. It depends on who’s doin the killin’ and who’s gettin’ killed. So, with all of this in mind, I give you my revised list of the two commandments:

Thou shalt always be honest and faithful
to the provider of thy nookie.

&

Thou shalt try real hard not to kill anyone, unless of course
they pray to a different invisible man than you.

Two is all you need; Moses could have carried them down the hill in his fuckin’ pocket. I wouldn’t mind those folks in Alabama posting them on the courthouse wall, as long as they provided one additional commandment:

Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself.

My father doesn’t say a lot, but when he does, I listen. As a teenager, it may not have seemed like it, but I did pay attention. There are two occasions permanently ingrained in my mind where seemingly unexpectedly my dad calmly gave his words of wisdom. I’m not being sarcastic – he does give his words of wisdom calmly, and he only ever gives it once.

When I was going from elementary school to junior high – Major side note – Back in my day we didn’t have stupid graduations after every blasted year/quarter/test. We just got our grades and moved on. Our only f$#%@ graduation was the one at the end of TWELVE YEARS of HELL and that’s the way we liked it! *mumble* Fricken’ pansies with their stupid yearly graduations. And our teachers weren’t afraid of hurting our feelings or stressing us out by using a red pen to give us a big fat “F” if we didn’t study. “F” is for failure and those that deserved it go it. If you can’t learn to accept a little failure once in a while your going to have a really really hard time at life in general. On the up side therapists will love you.

Not every child is a genius and not every child will pass the mustard. If you feel that your contribution to society deserves better than a RED “F” then maybe you should spend some time with the little prodigy and help them with their homework. I don’t like the “no child left behind” crap. Lowering the bar with this “no child left behind” BULLSHIT makes the smart kids BORED AS HELL!!! *stomping away from the soapbox with furled eyebrows*

Anyway, going from elementary school to junior high my dad told me, “If someone hurts you it’s ok to fight back.” I knew exactly what he was talking about, and it’s a very good thing he told me it was ok too. I was a VERY shy kid. I finally opened up my freshman year of high school, but I had been so painfully shy previously that in my yearbook someone wrote that she thought I was literally retarded. I simply did not speak. It’s good that my dad gave me the ok because unfortunately it’s not a matter of “if” for many girls, but “when” they will need to have the confidence to stand up for themselves.

Three days after graduating high school, I was on my way to Michigan to live with some friends, one of which paid for my flight. Before I left my dad said, “Don’t feel like you’re obligated to do anything.” His words made me always make sure I only did things because I wanted. After all a gift isn’t a gift if something is expected in return. That makes it a bribe.

Kurt is a lot like my dad – except the part about being a man of few words. I’ve shown the word “concise” in the dictionary to Kurt. He still doesn’t get it. In the thesauruses, his picture shows up in the list of antonyms. But when the buzzing of his voice switches to a serious tone, I know Sophia will pay attention. It may seem like she only ever wants me right now, but she loves you. You make her laugh. You’ll be a great dad Kurtie. Just don’t try to limit her time on the phone when she’s a teenager.

My dad to me: You can only be on the phone for ten minutes
Me to my friend on the phone: Ok, I’ll call you back.
(I hang up and dial the phone to my friend immediately)
My dad to me: You can’t call them back!
The next time I’m on the phone to my friend: Ok, it’s been ten minutes – YOU call me back.
My dad: You have to have ten minutes between each call!
Me: damn it!

Someone in the IRC room I hang out in posted a link to a huge picture of the directer of homeland security that took FOREVER to display even though I have “high speed” internet. I clicked on it because everyone was talking about how creepy he looks and I’m a sucker for, well, just about anything. My reaction was, “OHMYGOD it’s Lurch!” Then someone else said, “He’s creepy and he’s Kookie, mysterious and spookie, He’s altogether ookie…The directer of homeland security *snap snap*” I just had to blog about it and here we are. No better off really. But seriously, doesn’t Michael Chertoff look like good ‘ol Lurch (Ted Cassidy) from Addams Family?

I bought AVENT bottles because the classes I took at the hospital strongly suggested that breastfeeding mom’s should use the AVENT nipples when bottle feeding because those nipples force the baby to suck in the same manner as if they were breastfeeding. This way there wouldn’t be very much confusion going between the two.

I’m generally leery of plastics to begin with. I’ve been systematically fazing out our plastic storage containers for glass. So a few weeks ago when I started seeing news reports about bisphenol-a (BPA) in baby bottles I blew it off as a rehash of the old story years ago about a girl that discovered di(ethylhexyl)adepate (DEHA) was found in plastic wrap and wanted to know the affect of microwaving it. I don’t own a microwave, but I know that acidic foods like tomato sauce will eat away at plastics as it’s microwaved, that alone is enough to make me not want to do it. Plastic ain’t natural ergo plastic deposits, no-matter the quantity, in my food makes me unhappy.

I did a preliminary search on BPA (yeah I know I just said I blew it off, that just means as I searched I wasn’t worried) and came across a blog dedicated to it. It seemed fanatical and all of the bad brands seemed to be the most common big time brand name ones while the good brands were ones I had never heard of and couldn’t find in stores. Surely, a hospital wouldn’t recommend a brand that was unsafe. Granted they only specified using ADVENT nipples not bottles, and classes I took were almost a year ago. Also, things change constantly. I have no idea how long BPA has been in the news. I tried to learn as much about baby stuff as I could before Sophia arrived, but because I intended to breastfeed types of bottles never made it to the top of the list. And there are too many products and recalls to keep up.

BPA showed up on the local news one night and then I came across this article:

April 22, 2008 By TARA PARKER-POPE – A Hard Plastic Is Raising Hard Questions

While most of the focus is on products for children, including clear plastic bottles and canned infant formula, the chemical is also used in food-storage containers, some clear plastic pitchers used for filtered water, refillable water bottles and the lining of soft-drink and food cans.

Holy crap it’s in can food too?!

Rat pups exposed to BPA, through injection or food, showed changes in mammary and prostate tissue, suggesting a potential cancer risk. In some tests of female mice, exposure appeared to accelerate puberty.

All the chatter about accelerated puberty in humans I always chalked up to hormones in milk and meats, but it could be this too.

The main concern is the possible risk to infants and pregnant women, although Canada has begun a study to monitor BPA exposure among about 5,000 people to assess any danger to adults.

Really Canada has just *begun* a study to monitor BPA? Funny because an article in the Kansas City Star that came out on the same day said that Canada BANNED PBA on the 18th of April.

But back to the NYTimes,

Virtually every canned product, even those labeled organic, has a liner with BPA.

That’s really scary.

Many of us put our faith in the FDA to keep the bad stuff of the shelves. The FDA’s stance as four days before Canada banned BPA was that they were going to think about it, but don’t stop using it until further notice – unless of course you’re concerned then go ahead and find something that doesn’t contain BPA. Gee thanks. You’re such a big help.

April 19, 2008 By Lyndsey Layton and Christopher Lee – Canada Bans BPA From Baby Bottles

“We have immediately taken action on bisphenol A because we believe it is our responsibility to ensure families, Canadians and our environment are not exposed to a potentially harmful chemical,” Tony Clement, the minister of health, said in a statement.

Clement said the action was based on a review of 150 worldwide studies. “It’s pretty clear that the highest risk is for newborns and young infants,” he said in a telephone interview.

150 worldwide studies seems like a legitimate basis.

The debate over BPA, which has simmered for a decade, grew intense this week after the National Toxicology Program, an office within the National Institutes of Health, acknowledged in a draft report that the chemical might cause cancer and other serious disorders. The chemical mimics estrogen in the human body, scientists say.

Although the office does not regulate BPA, its findings are used by other federal agencies such as the FDA and the Environmental Protection Agency, which set safe exposure limits for chemicals.

On April 30, 2008 By Lyndsey Layton – Senators Propose Ban on Chemical in Plastics

This month, the National Toxicology Program, part of the National Institutes of Health, was the first federal agency to raise concerns about the effect of the chemical on fetuses, infants and children. “The report earlier this month was an eye-opener,” Schumer said. “Now we want to get one final, indisputable ruling, once and for all, on the effects of BPA on adults, and pregnant women in particular.”

But the chemical industry and the agencies that regulate the use of BPA, the Food and Drug Administration and the Environmental Protection Agency, have deemed the chemical safe.

The FDA’s handling of BPA is being investigated by the House Energy and Commerce Committee. Chairman John D. Dingell (D-Mich.) said he is concerned that the FDA based its safety rating on two studies, both funded by the chemical industry. More than 100 studies performed by government scientists and university laboratories have found health concerns associated with BPA; the industry-funded studies say it is safe.

May 2, 2008 By Susan DeFord – Nutrition Program Spurns Bottles, Cans With Chemical

Talks about the health department of Howard County Maryland not waiting for the federal government to take action.

Beilenson said there is “mounting evidence” that BPA exposure may be linked to conditions including cancer, diabetes and hyperactivity, as well as early onset of puberty, because it mimics the effects of the hormone estrogen. Last month, Canada banned the chemical’s use in baby bottles.

I find it odd that a chemical that’s been widely used in food cans and food storage containers since the 1950′s is suddenly hitting the news with such force. I question when politicians get behind a popular movement, especially when elections are coming up *ahem* Clinton. But with my already natural tendency to try to keep things natural I’d rather play it safe and get rid of the BPA plastics that are used for food storage. Making my gut feeling stronger, a friend sent me a link to CNNMONEY…

May 14, 2008 – Former FDA Official Says FDA Approval Shouldn’t Bar Lawsuits

Food and drug companies, along with the FDA, have advocated before the Supreme Court a legal doctrine that would bar states and consumers from suing companies for products that have received FDA approval. This legal doctrine is known as “preemption,” and has gained favor during the Bush administration.

House Government Reform and Oversight Committee Chairman Henry Waxman, D- Calif., said in an opening statement that preemption would take away “one of the most powerful incentives for safety – the threat of liability.”

This has nothing and everything to do with BPA.

American Chemistry Council insists that bisphenol A is safe and urges us to have faith in the underfunded FDA.

While consumers should have confidence in the safety of these products, we have called on the US Food and Drug Administration, as the premier authority on food safety in the US, to re-review the safety of bisphenol A for additional reassurance to the public on the safety of consumer products.

Yeah, uumm I don’t think so! I’m going to make my move away from plastics in my food containers a bit faster. That includes a move to less canned food!

I love when people get all upset about certain games/books/movies and act like society has just taken another step into depravity. I read books about serial killers. I have a collection of such books that take up almost a whole bookcase. I don’t know what draws me to the theme, but it’s what I read. As a matter a fact I read my first one at about age 13. My favorite serial killer books are ones that about killers from around the 1800′s long before the term “serial killer” was coined. They used to blame dime novels for youth committing despicable acts in the past. Yet I know of a ten year-old serial killer from that time (Jesse Pomeroy) that never read one (came up in court testimony). Yes, that’s right – child serial killers existed LONG before violent video games.

Violence in humans is not new. Violence is a part of human nature (don’t shake your head, it is, just look at our history). Some of us are more violent than others. Repress it, ignore it, or try to hide it – it ain’t going away. Reading books, watching movies, and playing violent video games – for some they are outlets for stress, entertainment, or a socially acceptable intake/outlet for our violent nature. I’d personally rather do any of the three than go to a public hanging or war. So untwist the puritan panties and just accept Grand Theft Auto IV has been released for public consumption.

Don’t try to tell me that I’m allowing my kid to see or know too much too soon for conservative sensibilities. I’ll raise mine and you raise yours. The neighbor or neighbor’s children playing a video game isn’t going to affect other lives anymore than gays being allowed to marry will affect heterosexual marriages. It’s not going to cause normal people to behave in antisocial ways. Nor does it make violent crimes seem acceptable. Even if books and movies are based on real life there is a huge difference between those and committing/experiencing real life violent crimes (Mostly the smells – If we had scratch and sniff TV I’d be right there with you. Some smells are just too foul). I don’t care how true to life Hollywood makes their movies or how much worse video games seem with their interactive format, the only people that try what they see in real life are ether not mature enough to view these things without supervision (hence ratings for the parental heads up) or they’re simply touched in the head and it wouldn’t have taken much for them to make the antisocial leap. Either way despite the frequency in which we hear about crimes on the news it’s not on the rise.

We were a much more violent society in the past than we are now the difference is that we have 24hr coverage of every little thing that happens, which makes it seem so much more prolific. Really if you want to assign some blame for the perpetuating of violent crime – I would blame the overcrowding of jails with petty drug offenses and releasing actual violent criminals back into society. Rapists and murderers should NEVER be released back into society, and yes, I’m one of those whack-jobs that thinks drugs should be legalized (not just marijuana).

In the spirit of Earth Day many newspapers gave earth friendly tips and wrote earth friendly articles on being friendly to the earth. The paper I read most often was no exception. If there’s a bandwagon all media covers the same crap, but because they’re all owned by corporations that are owned by corporations funded by ads of corporations they can’t won’t actually give anyone useful information. It’s like each day they give you a fresh new list of things to be concerned about and then say, “Do your own damned research”. I’m not asking that they bash on certain products – just hand us a freakin’ bone and let us know about the good products damn it!

The Everett Herald wrote an article in which the title questions the “greenness” of our household products. The title actually ends in a question mark, which is a very popular trend these days. I automatically flag it as a sign of poor journalism. Not that I’m any kind of journalist, but I read articles often and I know shit when I see it. Ending a title in a question mark is a cheap way of appearing to have a new critical view of the topic at hand. I can’t emphasize enough how cheap it is. It’s like seeking quality at Wal Mart.

In this article the writer does point out that,

Earlier this year, prominent environmental group the Sierra Club announced that, starting in April, it would lend its name and label to Clorox’s Green Works products line. The environmental group’s endorsement did not come without controversy. The Sierra Club will receive an undisclosed fee, which is based partly on product sales, for its endorsement.

What what what? Clorox isn’t environmentally friendly? – OHMYGOD you’re kidding! I thought it was like lemon juice. I always drink the stuff. Oh give me a break. Who really believed that Clorox Green Works was really “green” just cause it’s in the name?

Clorox, which says its green products work as well as its traditional cleaning goods, markets its new line as 99 percent natural.

Yeah, arsenic is natural too! I’m just sayin’.

Last November, TerraChoice, an environmental marketing group, released findings on “greenwashing” — the practice of misleading consumers about the environmental benefits of a product or service. The group reviewed 1,018 products and found all but one made false or misleading green claims.

Great, which ones are the friendliest? – Nobody says. Which one is the honest one? Give me the damn answer already! I went to the TerraChoice website and didn’t see these “released findings”. I went to their blog which conveniently starts last December not November, so no info there. The article in the Herald has a picture of four products, Mrs. Meyers Clean Day lavender scent surface scrub, Seventh Generation natural citrus scent kitchen cleaner, Country Save biodegradable all-purpose cleaner and Clorox Green Works natural toilet bowl cleaner. We can cross out the Clorox – is one of the other three the honest one? Are any of them?

TerraChoice works for EcoLogo, a government eco-labeling program based in Canada.

I went to the EcoLogo website and I’ve NEVER heard of the cleaning products they list, and I’m familiar with some relatively obscure cleaning products. Maybe they’re only available in Canada.

One of the more recent blog entries on the TerraChoice website mentions the launch of greenyour.com, which looks like a good site. It doesn’t just promote all sorts of products but also gives info on making your own household cleaners – just for example. Unfortunately, they don’t let you know which green product was the most honest and they list BioKleen as a good product. BioKleen uses GSE which makes my ass twitch.

“You survived it didn’t you?” They say, “So it couldn’t be that bad.”
Maybe the bad times are dwelt on too much. However, unless we’re speaking of car accidents mere survival seems like such a low bar to set. Sure, there were good times. I do remember them, but the bad was much more far-reaching.

Flash Fiction Friday is hosted by g-man.

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while you’ll notice that we have a lot of stuff that I refer to as not-a-(descriptive term). For example our not-a-walker (more on the not-a-walker – and more on the not-a-walker), not-a-nanny (more on the not-a-nanny), and the not-a-Johnny-Jump-Up.

I think this all began years ago when I was chatting with my friend currently known as not-a-nanny and she mentioned her family was going to go have a picnic at their farm.  “Farm?  You have a farm?  Do you grow food or raise animals?”

“Neither.”

“Then it’s not-a-farm!”

I can’t remember if it was a counter or other table like surface she told me about the that her and her siblings sat on and their mother telling them that was not-a-seat.  It’s her fault I have a not-a-fireplace.  Actually there is a crack in the liner of our chimney which makes the fireplace unusable so I placed a cool antique cabinet in front that covers it all perfectly.

I guess I made the not-a-nanny a little sad when she read the first post with her not-a-nanny title.  She really is our nanny until Sophia gets her placement in the awesome large daycare facility.  I only call her the not-a-nanny because it’s not her true profession.

Because Tuesday is April 15th AKA the day our taxes are due no later than midnight, I’m going to give you a tax tip: If you cashed out a mutual fund last year make sure to fill out the proper forms! Because Uncle Sam likes to pretend that he doesn’t know your mutual fund comes from your already taxed income. That greedy bastard will send you a letter making you think that you’re headed to Federal Pound Me in the Ass Prison.

I returned to work on March 18th, which was a Tuesday. I chose to start on a Tuesday because I wanted to make sure I would have a short first week. I had planned on a quiet Monday that would replicate a day at work for me so that Sophia could spend time really getting to know her not-really-a-nanny, but it turned out to be a train wreck. No, really it literally was a train wreck. Kurt got up at his usual Monday morning time and hopped into the shower. He doesn’t really hop in the morning, but stay with me. While he was in the shower I heard a loud crash outside that sounded very much like the time years ago before we drew the line from “just dating” to annoying some (many) family members by living together in wonderful sin in his old apartment complex. One night some person either driving drunk or visually challenged at night, couldn’t avoid or could not see the giant green dumpster just in front of their car just before impact. On Monday March 17th that metal on metal impact was amplified from dumpster size to multiple train engine size and the car was now a semi carrying pizzas. Aside from the fact that I live close enough to hear the impact it was phenomenally cool, yes I’m morbid. Unfortunately, no one was hurt. I’m with Uncle George on this. I like multiple car accidents, massive hurricanes and serial killers.

Kurt said that he heard the train horn before impact and that it was longer than usual. Then he heard the impact, followed by sirens. I was half-asleep and only caught the impact. I was sure there had been an accident since the sound was clearly not the train just slowing down on the spur track while each successive car slows and pushes on its hitch. Seriously, it was that loud. And our house isn’t *really* that close to the tracks, but I had no idea that it could be so bad that the tracks bent into a pretzel. It was awesome. I woke up our not-a-nanny with, “do you want to take pictures of a real train wreck”. I don’t know for sure, but I don’t think she normally wakes up so quickly. After Sophia’s morning nap, our not-a-nanny and I spent the day going back and forth on the roads the police would allow us on. I actually found a road off the Ford dealership that the police hadn’t determined to be dangerous yet where we got a great view of the three engines and the mangled track. I guess the whole thing really helped make up for the fact that I would be starting work again the next day. Although maybe it was a sign.

From the local paper, The Everett Herald:

Train, truck collide in Marysville

By Jackson Holtz and Diana Hefley
Herald Writers

The collision happened about 5:45 a.m., said Marysville Fire District spokeswoman Stephanie Price. The truck driver and one train crew member were taken to an Everett hospital as a precaution.

The truck apparently was making a delivery to the Pacific Grinding Wheel Company headquarters, Marysville police Lt. Jeff Goldman said.

A spokeswoman at Pacific Grinding declined to comment Monday.

The engineer on the northbound train tried to avoid the collision, applying the emergency brake and blowing the train’s whistle, Burlington Northern Santa Fe Railway spokesman Gus Melonas said.

The train was traveling about 49 mph in the 60-mph zone, Melonas said. It was headed to Vancouver, B.C., from Pasco. Three cars were loaded with general freight and 69 other cars were empty, he said. It typically takes about a mile for a train that large to come to a stop.

The truck was stopped at a private crossing that’s marked with a cross-hatch and a stop sign but not equipped with signal lights or crossing arms. It would be up to the property owner to invest in any improvements, Melonas said.

Investigators on Monday were trying to determine why the truck was on tracks, Goldman said.

State Avenue between 136th Avenue and 116th Avenue was expected to be closed until early this morning as crews cleaned up the mess, Goldman said.