Category Archives: Soapbox

Emails, life events, and things in the news that catch my attention and annoy me enough to rant about or interest me enough to comment on yell and scream about. Usually things regarding religious and political groups that insist on regulating the lives and lifestyles others with stupid laws and random taxation.

Gregoire Budgets Washington Poison Center

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I’m sure almost everyone living in Washington State has heard that funding for the Washington Poison Center may incur a 50% percent cut in funding. As a mom with a toddler that loves to routinely carry bottles of shampoo and sun block around the house, I find it frightening to not have that service around. Most of us know that if their child downs a bottle of Drano that’s a good place to call to find out what to do. We can call them free from anywhere in the state twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. We can even call them about anything our pets have ingested. The Washington Poison Center provides an invaluable free service that saves lives and reduces emergency room visits.

A friend of mine who is a nurse has asked me to inform my readers that the Washington Poison Center’s services aren’t limited to just poison and that fanatic moms whose toddlers just ingested a potentially lethal dose of toothpaste aren’t the only ones to benefit from these services. The Washington Poison Center is the expert that the experts call.

Nurses use the Washington Poison Center everyday to talk about medication interactions and any other guidance or advice that one would ask a pharmacist. For her work, it would be like a librarian never having access to the card catalog (or whatever the digital database equivalent is called) again because for her they’re for answering everyday questions not just emergencies. My friend and her coworkers are very nervous about the ramifications of losing such a valuable and free resource. Please contact your local representative and ask to keep full funding for the Washington poison control center.

Here is the link to the press release on the WAPC site, which includes a phone and letter template to help voice your opinion.
http://www.wapc.org/ActNow.htm

Thank you.

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Tying Knots

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We went to the county courthouse on Friday to the licensing section of the administration building.

Me: We would like to get a marriage license.
Lady: Will you be getting married within 60 days?
Kurt: Yes, we want to get married before she’s born (pointing at Sophia).

Both ladies at the counter had an understandably confused looks on their faces. One of them stood up slightly to see over the counter to check how pregnant I am. I’m not. I stood there with a smirk on my face and shaking my head. They finally got it. Kurt’s just an ass.

Kurt: What, can’t you postdate it?
Lady (laughing): No, it doesn’t work that way.

She handed us a paper to print our names on, then as she handed us the forms to fill out she asked us to hold up our right hands. Kurt, holding Sophia, also held up her hand for her.

Lady: Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth so help you God?

Kurt answered yes without flinching and later told me he didn’t even hear the “so help you God” part. I however grimaced and answered, “Sure”, then under my breath, “whatever”. *gratuitous eye roll*

May the Invisible Pink Unicorn strike me down should I ever tell a lie.

Because of how the health care industry is rigged up here in the U.S. where insurance is doled out by employers or can be purchased at an exorbitant rate and still requires copays and has coverage limitations since no insurance company wants to actually pay out in the event that someone comes down with something as expensive as cancer, Kurt and I are getting married. Romantic isn’t it? No, I don’t have cancer, but I do need health insurance.

I don’t recall ever saying I would never get married, but since I had a job with benefits and never intended to be a stay at home mom, we never planned on getting married. There was also my ex-husband, who continues to be a royal pain in my ass. He has finally put HIS house that’s still in MY name up for sale. Only it’s the worst fucking market EVER, he refuses to list it with an actual real estate agent, and he’s put so much money into the dump that he believes it’s worth more than it is. Oh, and he has lost his “job” so now I’m watching my credit report like a hawk. Six dings so far on my credit so far. Bastard!

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55 Flash Fiction Friday: Abuse of Omnipotence

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Secrets turned out to be lies and when I pointed my condemning finger in the wrong direction, I was made to look the fool. “It’s not as bad as you make it out.” I was told by the same person spreading rumors. I didn’t know better, confused and bewildered I still stuck to their side.

55 Flash Fiction Friday
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Travel with all the trimmings, hold the Christmas

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We were supposed to spend two weeks in the Midwest, one week with Kurt’s family in Michigan and one week with friends in Wisconsin. We got up on the 21st at 6am and checked the fight. All systems were go, so we left for the airport at 8 after checking again that all systems were still a go. We arrived at the airport after a little trouble finding a parking lot with a vacancy at 10. We checked the board and all things were still on time for us. The line for Norwest airline wrapped around the inside of the airport. Its length equivalent to six football fields end to end and our flight was due to take off in two and a half hours. We figured there was NO WAY we would make it through that line in that time. I waited in that line while Kurt checked around for an alternative check in.

We checked in at curbside within thirty minutes and were on our on our way through security. We made it to the gate and then onto the plane. We sat in the plane, and we sat and sat and sat some more. Sophia was fabulous through it all but after a while she, along with a couple other toddlers needed to walk up and down the isle of the plane. They told us we were fifth in line to be de-iced and then later announced that we had been moved up to third in line. We sat for two hours INSIDE the plane at the gate. Finally, they said that it would be quite a bit longer so if we wanted to we could leave our things behind and get off the plane to stretch our legs.

Twenty minutes later Alaska and Horizon airlines made an announcement that there would be NO flights out for the day and ten minutes after that our flight with Northwest was also canceled. I had to go back in the plane to get our carry-ons and then we had to go down to baggage claim to get our checked bags. They were telling people in the airport, “If you’re from Seattle GO HOME!” How rude! It took about an hour before we got our bags and then we headed home. We had to stop on the way to get dinner because there wasn’t any food at home. After all we weren’t planning on being there for two weeks. We arrived home about 8pm. We tried calling the airline for new tickets but halfway through the computerized call it would say that the phone lines were overloaded or some such and disconnect us. I tried again the next morning at 6am. It was the same thing. I finally got through after about two hours. There were no flights out for that day or the next, not even the day after that. I drilled the Northwest airlines operator asking for ANY fight out with ANY airline and even suggested other airports from which to fly out. There were absolutely NO fights until the 26th unless we wanted to quickly drive 1,957 miles to San Diego from Seattle area to catch a flight on the 23nd. Shit, fuck damn it all!

We had even missed a Christmas party the day before just so we could pack and be well rested for travel with a toddler. We actually tried to make it to the party but it took half an hour just to make it to the freeway from our house and then another half an hour to make it 14 miles out of a 54 mile trip, so we decided it would be best to turn around and go home to finish packing for our early morning flight that almost was.

The surface streets were horrible because Seattle area doesn’t believe in using salt for “environmental reasons” and the few plows they have only cover the freeways. The plows are fucking retarded here. They have a road safe rubber edge so that the snow is simply packed down to ice instead of actually removed from the road. Anywhere used to the snow would have had this shit cleared within hours. Not Seattle, no. They want to save the fucking turtles (stupid bumps in the road that let you know you’re in an actual lane because painted lines aren’t enough for Seattleites).

It’s true that salt will rust bridges and cars. It also gets into streams, but I can imagine that for the week or so out of the any given year in which Seattle actually gets snow that it would cause tremendous damage compared to all the damage done to car tires and shocks from the snowy road ruts or all the mangled metal accidents due to sliding on compacted snow. I won’t even mention the coolant, oil, and fuel that might spill into streams from these cars. Ok, maybe a brief mention. Is salting the roads really *that* bad. I don’t fuckin’ think so.

I wish we could have made it to the Christmas party so Sophia could see Santa just like last year. :P

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Holiday Cheese and Corn

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We returned from our holiday jaunt to the Midwest on Saturday night and for the first time in two weeks, I checked our mail today. I had no idea postal workers were so crafty at filling every fuckin’ inch of a tiny mailbox. If there were any room, I may have been inclined to leave them a gift. It’s the thought that counts, right? Now you know how silly it sounds. Maybe next time you’ll pay attention to the stop mail notice.

In the middle of our mail pile, I picked out a card nearly torn completely open from all the cramming of mail that came after it. The card was from my very pregnant friend and in it; she asked what she probably believed to be a rhetorical question. She should know by now that there is no such thing as a rhetorical question with me.

If a snowman sticks his tongue out to catch snow, does that make him a cannibal?

Only if the snowman actually ingests the snow, and the same goes for you when cheese or corn are involved you cannibal! *toothy grin* Oh the humanity!

I hope everyone had Merry Holidays and a Happy Festivus.

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Bra shopping, I’m such a guy

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Since I’ve reduced the number of times I breastfeed Sophia to two, my mommy jugs have shrunk and I’ve been needing new bras for about four or five months now. Yep, I hate shopping that badly. I’ve been putting up with the straps on both sides falling down to my elbows anytime I relax my shoulders which lowers the whole bra just above my belly button. It’s annoying and I’m finally tired of putting up with it. I liked the fun of gignormous naughty pillows, but thankfully, I no longer have much to support.

The last time I went bra shopping was when my milk came in to the tune of needing a 38D. Holy CRAP I was huge! That was a year and three months ago. It’s time I put the lunch lady bra with the 42 cast iron hooks away, in the trash. When I went shopping for the nursing bra I learned that no one frickin’ sells them. It doesn’t matter if department stores sell maternity clothes and bras they simply don’t sell nursing bras. I had to go to the Motherhood store to get some support in that area. I don’t remember how much I spent and it doesn’t matter. In my opinion when you go from mosquito bite booblets to Inga the wet-nurse you want the full on wide shoulder strap, triple hooked, under wire mega bra. If they came in self-washing I would have bought those too. For the first four months I wore those damn things twenty-four seven because I needed something to keep the pads in place so that I didn’t have to change the sheets on my bed every morning, and if that’s too much information, you really need to grow up.

I don’t remember if any of the nursing bras were padded, but if they are any, I wouldn’t recommend them. You’ll be adding your own pads to them, so nipple-concealing bras are not necessary at that point. If you’re pregnant for the first time and you’re going to nurse your baby don’t buy a nursing bra until AFTER your milk comes in. Unlike that one boyfriend in your past, there will be no question it is IN and it’ll make your boobs bigger. Once you’re milk is in and while trying on bras it’s a good idea to keep in mind that you’ll need a little extra room for the pad. And that is the extent of my maternity bra buying assvice, so on with the story…

I’m so glad that’s nearly over and to be back to my normal size 34 slightly swollen mosquito bite cup. During today’s shopping excursion I learned that many department stores aren’t carrying any bras or at least no worthy selection of them. I went to JC Penny, NOTHING, and it’s not that every bra was sold out. There wasn’t a bra or panty section in the store at all. In the past I always purchased my bras at Sears. I went to two different Sears’ stores today. One of them didn’t have any bras as in no bra section of the store and the other only carried granny panty type bras. Now, I’m not looking for anything special. I don’t like the lacy frilly things with stripes, polka dots, or cutesy little hearts. I just want something to hold the jiggly bits still, but I don’t want anything that reminds me of a straight jacket either. I get flashbacks of the padded room I was kept in back in Nam.

Last night I was looking for bras online and knew that Old Navy had some, so I went there. Nothing but pre-teen and few stringy ‘A’ cups, what the fuck kind of selection is that?! I asked a clerk if that was all they had. Yep, that’s it. I complained that it seems like no one sells bras anymore. She looked at me as if maybe I had just gone though a sex change. I must be so out of touch. I’m a guy without a penis, the first male to give birth.

I walked though the mall and there it was, the store that twenty years ago people used to pass by and snicker at because it was nothing but fancy panties and naughty lingerie, Victoria’s Secret. That must be where all us women folk shop these days. There was even a guy there shopping with his eight year old son for mom. I went in because the sign outside said buy one, get one 50% off. I’ve never shopped there before because I know their stuff is outrageously expensive. With their sale, I figured I would be able to spend my normal full price amount. My normal is between fifteen and thirty dollars each, and even that seems extreme for a piece of string. I’m cheap as hell. The clerk, are they still called clerks? Anyway, she asked me what I was looking for. I told her I just wanted something simple. She asked if I wanted *insert a whole list of options I can’t even remember and didn’t understand*. I cringed as I said, “I don’t know, I just want a bra without an under wire” I had no idea what category my plain bra would fall under. “Oh well we only have three of those.” She took me to a changing room and handed me the three options in my size. Of course, the most expensive one felt the best to me. It actually felt AWESOME. I don’t know if it was forty-five dollars awesome, but I bought two since the second was half price. After picking my nude color no-frills lace-less bra the lady told me that if I wanted matching underwear they were on a table across the room. Really? With the nude color bra if I bought matching panties I would look like a frickin’ Barbie doll with no anatomy at all, just a couple little mounds in the front. Ok, maybe I won’t make it as Barbie, how about Skipper?

With the kind of comfort this bra gives I can now understand why other women spend more on the boob cover garment than I have done in the past, but ladies I have to tell you, men really don’t give a shit if your polka dot panties match your polka dot bra. As a matter a fact they would rather you not wear either at all, so don’t get mad when they don’t notice your newest $85 nipple-concealer. Save it for when he’s so wrapped up in his computer games that he doesn’t even notice you’re naked.

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Baby Naming Freedom

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I’ve run into a few people with very ‘normal’ names that made me think, “My GOD, did your parents hate you?” I know a couple Richards that go by their middle names because they don’t want to be called Dick. My grandfather was named Richard and chose to go by Dick. I’m assuming that when he first decided to go by Dick it didn’t have the meaning that it does now. I knew a guy named Shannon who hated his name and one named Lindsey that didn’t seem to mind his at all. I knew a woman named with a unique name that wouldn’t choose any other but have heard of some creative names that would just be cruel. So even though I’m an advocate for freedom of speech, every time I’ve read a blog post about, “should parents be able to name their kids anything they want” I’ve always on the fence about it in the past.

I think the name Metallica would be awesome. Ikea is a little silly, but not offensive nor any more outlandish than Monk, Fulmer, or Knute would be in the US, the last three being traditional Scandinavian names for boys. I was a little put off by Penn Jillette naming his daughter Moxie. I love the name itself though to me it seems more fitting for a boy, but it’s a choice for Penn and his wife. I really don’t think Moxie CrimeFighter or her brother Zolten Penn Jillette will be teased any more than if they had been named Mildred and Loren. Both of those names accepted as ‘normal’ names they just aren’t used much anymore. Loren is common for a girl’s name, but was once used for males. Kurt and I considered naming our child Darth if she had been a he. If Kurt had won out and if we had a boy, we would have at least given him a more common middle name in case he didn’t appreciate his first name.

When I heard about the poor girl from New Zealand who was so embarrassed by her name that her friends only new her as “K” I thought, maybe baby name regulation isn’t so bad, but a more recent baby name controversy has me leaning on the parents side, but only because Adolf used to be a very common and acceptable German name prior to one rotten apple.

Holland Township family angry that supermarket won’t personalize cake for their son
by Express-Times staff
Sunday December 14, 2008, 12:16 AM

JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell, Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell and Adolf Hitler Campbell.

Good names for a trio of toddlers? Heath and Deborah Campbell think so. The Holland Township couple has picked those names and the oldest child, Adolf Hitler Campbell, turns 3 today.

This has given rise to a problem, because the ShopRite supermarket in Greenwich Township has refused to make a cake for young Adolf’s birthday.

Even though Kurt and I joked about naming our kid Adolf Hitler *Kurt’s very complementary last name* if she had been a boy. I’m appalled that someone out there actually did just that. Forget about schoolyard bullying. We are all teased for something growing up. It’s part of the right of passage into adulthood. Besides who the hell is going to fuck with Adolf Hitler or his siblings. I mean really! My concern for JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell, Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell and Adolf Hitler Campbell is that their parents don’t seem to realize using their children’s names to make a statement will seriously limit the children’s future college entrance and job prospects. We have laws against discrimination of gender, race, and religion, but nothing for unfortunate name recipients. And we all know that anyone with an applicant whose name is Adolf Hitler, weather right or wrong, is going to make some assumptions and have serious reservations against calling him in to interview, especially if the interviewer is having a very bad Jewy Jew day.

Between the New Zealand girl’s case and this one, I know that no one with parents this inconsiderate has a chance in hell anyway, so just as we do with other areas of free speech we must accept the bad with the good in order to preserve the freedom for all. If these people are bad parents and the kids end up in the middle of an abuse case or custody battle, maybe the judge will let the kids change their names. Sadly, I’m guessing they’ll be so brainwashed they might actually want their given names. They might even be proud of them. In which case *saluting the children* have fun with your uphill battle.

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55 Flash Fiction Friday: Freedom of Religion

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It’s not right to force underage girls to marry, however that doesn’t go hand in hand with polygamy any more than abuse is the accepted norm for Catholics who don’t believe in divorce. Utah wasn’t made a state until the Mormon Church officially swore off polygamy. How can the United States claim freedom of religion?

55 Flash Fiction Friday
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Freedom From Religion Foundation Holiday Greeting

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I’m all for free speech and am glad that this group was allowed to display their thoughts, however if their goal is to enlighten people about their cause they should really think about the words they chose. Telling people that their god(s) don’t exist and that religion hardens hearts and enslaves minds doesn’t exactly warm them up to the ideas held by the Freedom From Religion Foundation. It’s about as effective as the door-to-door religions trying to explain their take on the bible to someone that isn’t receptive to it. It’s just annoying as hell. If the beliefs held by a person are strong enough, no sign or lecture will convince them otherwise, so why bother. Seriously!

The message is clearly anti-religion, yet The Freedom From Religion Foundation’s sign makes a case for those that consider atheism a religion itself.

Religion
–noun
1. a set of beliefs concerning the cause, nature, and purpose of the universe, esp. when considered as the creation of a superhuman agency or agencies, usually involving devotional and ritual observances, and often containing a moral code governing the conduct of human affairs.
2. a specific fundamental set of beliefs and practices generally agreed upon by a number of persons or sects: the Christian religion; the Buddhist religion.
3. the body of persons adhering to a particular set of beliefs and practices: a world council of religions.
4. the life or state of a monk, nun, etc.: to enter religion.
5. the practice of religious beliefs; ritual observance of faith.
6. something one believes in and follows devotedly; a point or matter of ethics or conscience: to make a religion of fighting prejudice.
7. religions, Archaic. religious rites.
8. Archaic. strict faithfulness; devotion: a religion to one’s vow.
—Idiom
9. get religion, Informal.
a. to acquire a deep conviction of the validity of religious beliefs and practices.
b. to resolve to mend one’s errant ways: The company got religion and stopped making dangerous products.

American Psychological Association (APA):
religion. (n.d.). Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Retrieved December 02, 2008, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/religion
Chicago Manual Style (CMS):
religion. Dictionary.com. Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Random House, Inc. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/religion (accessed: December 02, 2008).
Modern Language Association (MLA):
“religion.” Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Random House, Inc. 02 Dec. 2008. .
Institute of Electrical and Electronics Engineers (IEEE):
Dictionary.com, “religion,” in Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Source location: Random House, Inc. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/religion. Available: http://dictionary.reference.com. Accessed: December 02, 2008.

So, say hello kettle, and stop calling the pot black.

Lets take a look that the displays of this year and the past. A Christmas tree, a nativity scene, a menorah, and a sign that reads, “At this season of the winter solstice, may reason prevail. There are no gods, no devils, no angels, no heaven or hell. There is only our natural world. Religion is but myth and superstition that hardens hearts and enslaves minds.”

The first three are symbols don’t say very much about the set of beliefs behind them. If someone existed, that had never ever heard of Christianity and they saw the tree or the nativity they really wouldn’t learn any more about it and the same for the menorah if they knew nothing of Judaism. They probably wouldn’t know that those things represent anything more than the objects they are. I realize that atheists don’t have a universally recognized symbol to call their own, and having one would require herding cats for further organization. Also having a symbol adds to the list of similarities of being their own religion, but the atheist sign posted in Washington State’s capitol is very much like the school bully telling the little kids that Santa doesn’t exist coupled with the close-minded and demeaning similarities to messages the Freedom From Religion Foundation condemns from other religions. Practice what you preach people, and good job posting ninety percent (give or take) of the world’s population as second-class citizens with their hardened hearts and enslaved minds; it really takes balls to further alienate the majority. It’s no wonder when Christians read, “separation of church and state” many see it as an attack on religion. Way to help the cause.

By the way, I know it’s merely semantics, but religion is very real. It’s the gods behind religion that an atheist questions. For next year’s sign may I suggest it read, “Token symbol to represent the atheist voice”.

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55 Flash Fiction Friday: Gay Marriage Loophole

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Seeking to define marriage as between male and female, they’ve left a loophole. In the past people with ambiguous genitalia became girls through surgery regardless of chromosomal sex. Simply living as the opposite sex, transgender people may legally switch gender. Gays shouldn’t have to, but take advantage of the opening definition of gender to marry.

Sex Change, No Surgery Required
Randy Dotinga
11.29.06
As for other forms of identification, Dr. Becky Allison, a transgender cardiologist who compiled the list of laws, said passport officials allow gender changes without requiring surgery, as do most state departments of motor vehicles.

The proposed New York City regulations raise plenty of issues.

Will the regulations allow same-sex marriage? Some state laws are murky regarding marriage involving one or two transgender people; one legal analyst reports that a pair of men were able to marry in Ohio because the state refused to recognize that one of them was no longer a woman following a sex-change operation.

On the other hand, some transgender people may be unable to marry because their states recognize their new sex but don’t allow same-sex marriages.

Keep fighting for your rights, but for now use the existing laws to your advantage. ;-)

State Supreme Court rejoins Prop. 8 battle
Bob Egelko, Chronicle Staff Writer
Thursday, November 20, 2008
The justices also asked for arguments on whether Prop. 8, if constitutional, would nullify 18,000 same-sex weddings performed between when the court’s marriage ruling took effect in mid-June and Nov. 4. Attorney General Jerry Brown, who will defend Prop. 8 as the state’s chief lawyer, contends those marriages are legal, but sponsors of the initiative disagree.

I say those marriages should be ‘grandfathered’.

55 Flash Fiction Friday
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November, 30 posts in 30 days nablopomo.com

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