Mars and Venus Collide

Kurt has been busy coordinating with various contractors to get a few things done around the house. We’ve had a Drywaller in to fix some settling cracks, and had someone come in to install a fence and gate in the front. We need someone to pressure wash the roof and clean the gutters. We’re also looking to hire someone to paint the place. He of course gets frustrated when the places he’s trying to get a quote from won’t call back or once they’ve been here to give a quote it’s impossible to secure a date to do the work or whatever, so on a couple of occasions I’ve offered to take over that job for him, “No I’ll take care of it.” He says.

“Ok fine, but don’t have them call here to set up the day and time. Just set it yourself and know that Tuesdays are bad if they need me to be present in order to do the work.”

It’s a rainy Sunday night…And it’ll be another rainy day Monday. Hhmm what shall I do with the kids all day Monday? Looking at Facebook I notice a friend went to a Children’s museum that I haven’t been to yet. Oh, that looks like fun. I’ll take the kids there and check it out. I begin to plan my Monday in my head. I figured out what time I should aim leave the house so that Sophia can play at the museum for enough time before lunch, then we can eat out, and head home. I excitedly tell Kurt that I’m going to a different kid’s place. He heard me and knew I was wired about finding somewhere to go, something different to do on a rainy day.

We’ve had way too many rainy days this year and there aren’t a lot of clean indoor kid’s play areas. There are plenty of nasty indoor places attached to various McDonalds’ “restaurants”. It’s not the fact that it’s attached to a McDonalds that turns me off, although that really doesn’t help. I’ve had to retrieve Sophia from one of their many hamster trails for mini humans and I never ever want to have to do that again. Never.

Kurt goes upstairs for a while and then comes back downstairs just before heading to bed. “The pressure washers will be here tomorrow morning.” He says.

“Tomorrow morning?!” I was angry. How could he just sit there and listen to me get all happy that I’ve found a place to go while mother nature continues to rain on the spring parade and not tell me the person is coming to pressure wash the roof until the last minute. Surely, he has known since at least Friday!

From Kurt’s point of view: Shit! Why the hell is she angry at me this time? I can’t get anything right. She told me to make the appointments so I did and now she’s pissed. I wish she’d make her damn mind up. Talk about zero to bitch in sixty seconds. *heavy sigh* I guess asking if she wants to go upstairs is out of the question tonight.

Monday morning rolls in. I couldn’t remember if Kurt told me they were supposed to be here at nine or nine thirty, so I wait. I still had hopes of leaving the house. Nine thirty arrives but the pressure washers have not. Lukas is sleepy so I lay him down for a nap. I was hoping to be out of the house by this time so that Lukas could sleep in the car.

It’s now ten. Even if Kurt had said nine thirty, they’re still a half hour late. I send Kurt an email, “Are you sure it was supposed to be today?” The person who installed the fence was a whole week late, and that was the excuse given. He said that Kurt got the date mixed up. Somehow I doubt that, but on this day I was still irritated, so I entertained the idea. At ten thirty they arrived and I emailed Kurt to let him know. Because Kurt didn’t get to his email he called me at eleven to see If they were there yet. In our conversation he says, “I think he picked us up last minute.”

“Huh? Why is that?”

“Well he just called me on my cell Sunday night to see if today was ok.”

“He just called you Sunday night? I thought you knew since Friday and just didn’t tell me.”

“Oh, is that why you were mad?”

And that is why cellphones are from hell.

Oh and Lukas, the little shit who never ever sleeps, slept until 11:30. We did go to the Children’s Museum and Sophia eventually had fun there and like a normal child didn’t want to leave.

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55 Flash non-Fiction Friday: Sharing

A friend posted a picture of her son on Facebook. Sophia saw the picture, “baby” she said.

“Do you know who that is?” Sophia didn’t say anything so I continued, “That is Treavor. Do you remember his two older sisters?”

Then Sophia interrupted with, “That is Treavor. He touched my toys. Don’t touch my toys!”

Sophia giving Lukas his pacifier

Picture taken 5/21/2011 camping at the cabin. Sophia is giving Lukas his pacifier.

55 Flash Fiction Friday

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Baby Squeezins: Diaper of the Month

With the baby squeezens rounds from my daughter, I often picked the biggest blow out or the smelliest diaper. All of the boy’s diapers are smelly, so those are hard to compare. The boy doesn’t seem to have as many blow outs and the ones that he has had have not been that bad. So this month’s diaper of the month was chosen because I mistakenly opened the diaper when he wasn’t quite done. Kurt said I should have taken this one with a video camera because the still shots don’t do the green poop bubbles the same justice. Taken on the 26th of April with my Nikon D60 for your high-resolution pleasure, I now present to you the bubbly green Baby Squeezins, the Diaper of the Month.

blowing bubbles

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Mission Accomplished

It took quite a while for the news to show Obama addressing the nation about Osama bin Laden being killed by US troops. They kept saying that, “in two minutes” or “in just a moment” Obama will be addressing the nation. It took so long I was hoping that they would show him on an aircraft carrier with a sign over him saying Mission Really Accomplished.

Mission Accomplished

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55 Flash non-Fiction Friday: Toe-may-toe, Toe-ma-toe

We searched the same name book frequently, as if a name may have added since the last viewing. Studying, evaluating, and discarding names repeatedly only to add it back again weeks, days, hours, minutes later.

“How about Henry?” I asked.

“Sure, we’ll call him ahn-REE.”

“Why not cut to the chase and name him Pretentious?”

Pretentious

55 Flash Fiction Friday

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Odd Friends of the Animal Kingdom

I’m sitting on my bed enjoying my night away from the kids when Sophia comes up, “Can I go potty in dere?” Of the three bathrooms, she insists on using the one off the master bedroom.

“Yes you can use the bathroom in here.”

After she finished in the bathroom she spotted the cat next to me, “Can I get Bay-wee?”

“No, Bailey is resting.”

“Can I get on da bed?”

Knowing better, I said yes. Bailey took off into the master bathroom because the door leading out of the bedroom was closed. Sophia took off into the bathroom after the cat and I hear, “Dat is for you to pee in. Do you need to potty?” We don’t have a litter box in there. She was actually explaining the toilet…you know, the kind with water in it, to the cat. Please don’t pick up the cat. Oh please don’t pick up the cat.

Sophia came out of the bathroom and opened the door leading out of the bedroom, “Come on Bay-wee. Wet’s go downstaiwers.” The cat, without running, actually came out of the bathroom and followed Sophia as they both descended the stairs. Then Sophia says, “Dat’s good. Thank you for wistening.” *blink* *blink* *blink*

Those two have the oddest relationship of any unrelated creatures ever. Let me explain how their daily interaction usually plays out…

Sophia will get bored arraigning her toys in the center of the toy room or watching TV and go upstairs to find the cat. The cat is always easily found under the covers of the master bed. Sophia doesn’t have to look under the covers though. She knows that the lump is the cat and he knows that when he hears her stopping and saying, “Wah-er” as she roars like a lion, that it’s his cue to run.

She runs into the master bedroom roaring. I hear him jump down from the bed and run across the room, then I hear her run across the room. I then see the cat run past me and hear Sophia roaring down the stairs. They then run several laps downstairs and dart back upstairs. Occasionally the cat will lose Sophia the lion and I’ll hear, “Momma, were’s Bay-wee?” Other times they’ll both get bored and or tired and it just ends. And then there are times when Sophia somehow corners him and I hear, “Momma Bay-wee hit me. Bay-wee das not nice. Das not nice hit Sophias.”

With exception to the last scenario, Bailey seems to enjoy his almost daily exercise. He doesn’t generally run from her. It’s more like a brisk walk. I’ve actually seen him stop as if he’s waiting for her to catch up.

Tonight after Sophia got ready for bed she came to give me a hug and kiss goodnight, but not before she gave one to Bailey. He wasn’t sure if he should jump off the chair or see what the crazy lion girl was up to, but he stuck it out.

bonking heads with mom

Picture taken 12/14/2010 at a local Greek-ish restuarant

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And Then We Knew It Was Really A Boy

I was still in my second trimester, but it was past the eighteenth week, which is when I had the do-you-want-to-know-the-gender ultrasound. We already knew the gender, but this lunch really confirmed it for us.

Kurt took me to a sub shop that he frequents for lunch during the week. I don’t remember if we had business in the area that weekend or if Kurt just thought that it would be a good place for me to try. I walked in the door not feeling particularly hungry. Not that they’re horrible but “sub shop” conjures images of Subway sandwiches, and that it simply didn’t sound like something I wanted right then.

I studied the menu, and hemmed, and hawed, which generally means I’m not very hungry. Kurt, knowing the menu, suggested something light like a veggie sub. That didn’t sound right to me. I scanned the menu and my eyes stuck on something I don’t think I had ever had anywhere before. It’s just not something I typically select. I dismissed it. No, that would be too filling. It sounded good, but no. I looked further and came right back to the item that first caught my attention. “I’ll have the Philly Cheese Steak.” I said.
Kurt was surprised, “Really?”

I nodded.

“Do you want the seven inch?”

“No, I want the fourteen.”

Kurt’s eyes got wide, “Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

I finished the last bite and licked the bit of cheese off the wrapper that escaped from when I still had a sandwich. Kurt just stared at me in shock, “Were you hungry?”

“I guess so,” I said as I became aware that I didn’t have a crumb left and Kurt had only begun the second half of his sandwich. “I guess The Boy wanted meat.”

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She doesn’t understand, I don’t understand

Just before leaving for preschool one morning a few weeks ago…

“Momma, mah-key kag-roo pak-pak pwease.”

“You want monkey and kangaroo in your backpack?” I asked. She doesn’t have a stuffed kangaroo so I was confused and my repeating her request wasn’t just to have her hear the words pronounced properly and in a properly structured sentence. I was hoping for further information even though I never get it. I still hold out hope from time to time.

“Yes pwease!” She said happily.

“Honey, what kangaroo are you talking about?” I didn’t want to say “yes” to something that might not fit in her backpack or that I didn’t want her to risk losing at school.

“Yes pwease!” She said jumping up and down, “Yes pwease!”

“Wait sweetie, I don’t understand. What kangaroo do you want to bring? Can you show me?”

She began to get frustrated that I wasn’t just saying “yes” or “no” to her request and that her “Yes please” wasn’t doing the magic, so she went through her rolodex of canned politeness. She rolled her eyes up to remember how to say the whole sentence, “May have mah-key kag-roo pak-pak?…Pah-wee-ze!”

I tried so hard not to just laugh that I almost snorted. She didn’t understand that I did not understand what kangaroo she was talking about. She seems to think that if I understand the words that she’s using that I must also understand which of her seven hundred monkey items she wants. The child has about seven stuffed monkeys, a set of monkey PJs, flash cards with monkeys on them, books with monkeys. The kangaroo really stumped me. She has some alphabet flash cards with a Kangaroo for “K”, but that’s about all that I know.

“Ok fine, as long as it fits in your backpack.” I cringed. I also hope it’s not something expensive that might get lost at school. It turned out that she wanted to bring her “Brain Quest” cards. The cards for ages 2 to 3 have a monkey on them and the cards for 3 to 4 have a mouse which looks like a kangaroo to her. Whew! Yep, those can go to school.

brain quest

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55 Flash non-Fiction Friday: Chit Chat

I find small talk to be irritating. I can see and interpret the weather just fine thank you, no need to discuss it. I only tolerate such mind numbing chatter if a Mocha Scooby Snack is dangled before me. Yes, I did notice the rain is wet. How amusing you’ve come to the same conclusion.

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Building Amazing Abilities

Our new master bedroom is the same size as the living room in our old house. It seemed silly to keep the queen-size bed and sole nightstand of Kurt’s from the days before we even met…twelve years ago, so a three months ago we upgraded to a new king-size set. Kurt brought home the new bed frame and nightstands and with Sophia’s help he put them together.

Our three-year-old is scary smart and actually helpful. After watching Kurt put just one leg of the first nightstand together Sophia picked around the pieces for the 2 wooden dowels, 1 bolt, 1 washer, and 1 lock washer for the next leg without being asked. Not only did she pick out all the right pieces, but she also put the dowels in the right holes and had the washer and lock washer on the bolt in the right order. All this from observing it done once.

I’m sure she has repeatedly seen both of us build things with her Lincoln Logs when we play with her. I know that I’ve shown her a couple of times how the notches in the logs link them together. Nevertheless, I’m still impressed with her Lincoln Log house building skills. She’s three and a half and she even puts windows in her log homes. Seriously, I never taught her that.

Sophia's Lincoln Log House

This is the third house I’ve seen her do. The first one she used all the green pieces which are supposed to be roofing pieces and she called it, “Sophia’s new green house”. The second one she did, I really wish I had taken a picture of, had much bigger windows and no green roofing pieces. The size of the windows on the second house she did made it them seem less accidental than on this house.

One might criticize that her house is a little crooked, but I think she was simulating earthquake conditions to see how her structure would fare in such a situation. We do live in an earthquake zone after all. No really, my child is *that* brilliant. Don’t underestimate her. ;-)

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