Family planning isn’t a euphemism for abortion. (If they cared so much for the unborn passing healthcare reform wouldn’t be so difficult.) That’s not all that Planned Parenthood does. If Republican’s are concerned with “welfare mothers” mooching off the government teat, why not fund the one organization helping to plan families when they’re financially secure.
Flash Fiction Friday is hosted by g-man.
Due to normal preschool attendance coupled with regular cold and flu season Sophia had a runny nose a couple months ago. On one particularly memorable day, Kurt asked Sophia to get some toilet paper so he could wipe her nose. She kept coming back to him with just one square. “No,” he said, “bring back about this much.” He showed her an amount by holding his hands apart a few inches. Still she came back with just one square, so he went into the bathroom with her to get her to grab more. I could hear him say, “Put your hand on top of the toilet paper roll. Now spin it.” Then he would sigh, “No, put your hand on top.” There was a pause where I assume he showed her what he meant and then he said, “Now spin it so you get more than one square.” I heard another sigh from him. Then out of exasperation I hear him say, “Have we not been speaking English to you?!” It was like a deleted scene from Rush Hour, “Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?”
Now I think of that every time I try to explain to Sophia where something is located. We have an armoire in the toy room. The top cupboard has a shelf with toys that have small pieces with I take down for Sophia by request. Under that shelf is a small TV and DVD player so that we don’t have to watch her shows over and over again. Under that top cupboard are a set of drawers, side-by-side. One side has things for crafts like scissors and crayons and the other side has some preschool practice books. Under the drawers is another cupboard where I keep things for Lukas.
Lukas has a mini blanket with an Eeyore head, which sounds rather sadistic the way I’ve described it but it’s actually cute and he loves it. Sophia was looking for Lukas’ Eeyore one day because she wanted to give it to him. I tried to explain that it was in the cupboard under her TV, but she just didn’t get it. She kept opening the upper cupboard, looking under her TV very confused, and then looking at me as if I had lost my mind. “It’s in the cupboard under the drawers.” I told her. Still nothing. Really, have we not been speaking English to you?
Picture take 3/6/2011
I’ll start with a preemptive apology for and worse than normal grammatical errors and any worse than normal rambling and overall incoherence. I haven’t had a whole lot of sleep in the last few months. It began in the middle of pregnancy, though in those days I could still catch the occasional nap. Lukas started out as a very strong sleeper at birth, but the majority of his sleep took place during the day. It took us about two to two and a half months to switch him from sleeping those nice four hour stretches during the day to night time and even then there were a few nights where he quite literally woke up every thirty minutes needing the pacifier to plug the screaming hole in his face.
After two particularly crappy weeks of sleepless nights, I threw in the towel. After one midnight feeding, the next time he cried out, I simply closed the door to his room and then ours and I crashed for four hours. Kurt remarked how well I slept through the crying. I thought Lukas had eventually given in and that I had woken up to the sound of him starting up again. I had no idea the baby cried the entire time. This surely must be a sign of the stubbornness to come.
In the days leading up to Lukas’ four month birthday we were on a routine of him falling asleep at about ten at night, waking up three to four times a night, waking up for the day at about eight to eight thirty in the morning, and then only taking about three naps which lasted fifteen to thirty minutes. I didn’t feed him every time he woke up during the night, but still at four months old he should be able to sleep “through the night” without a feeding at all.
Lukas’ four-month baby wellness appointment was on Friday. The Boy weighs in at sixteen pounds. He is twenty-five and half inches tall/long, and his head circumference is sixteen and a half inches. He’s in the seventy fifth percentile across the board. He is currently wearing nine-month clothes because I can’t fit his melon head in six month clothes. He has reached all the milestones except the ability to roll over. He can recognize Kurt and I, which he has been able to do since he was two and half months old, he coos, smiles and laughs, and reaches for things. He can also self soothe. We can and do put him down for naps while he’s still awake. The boy just doesn’t sleep for very long, and will sometimes simply refuse to take a nap.
The doctor said it was absolutely fine to add some rice cereal to The Boy’s diet and that giving it to him just before bedtime should help reduce the number of times he interrupts my sleep with his nagging. That night we did just that and we put The Boy to bed at the same time Sophia goes to bed, eight. He didn’t like the cereal much and liked the bedtime even less. He only cried for half an hour but then started up again at nine or nine thirty. That lasted another hour before he finally got the hint. The next night he was quiet until nine but only cried for about fifteen minutes. Both nights he still woke three to four times. On the third night he went to bed without a fuss and only woke once. I wasn’t so lucky the fourth night. Putting him to bed isn’t an issue. Keeping him asleep for more than two hours is. I’m going to need tea that is a lot more caffeinated if this continues.
I’m fairly certain that the Whac-A-Mole arcade games are actually meant as parent preparation tools. They arm one with the hand-eye coordination and super speed one needs in order to siphon those tiny boogies out of a baby’s nose as it pops out and then hides with each breath. Though I think it would be much easier if I had a mallet for the job instead of a nasal aspirator (the snot sucker).
Lukas isn’t sick. He’s just been perpetually snotty for a few weeks. I think it’s the spring weather.
I started putting Lukas in the Walk-Around Stationary Walker (AKA The Not-a-Walker) when he was two months old so that he would have some different scenery while went off to do things for Sophia. Unlike his sister, he actually likes the not-a-walker. Lukas was exactly three months and one week old when he began reaching out for things, and already in his first attempts, he’s showing that he’s all boy. The first thing he reached out to was the sparkly blue cloth waterspout of the whale on his not-a-walker and tore some of the blue sparkly off.
He still doesn’t have full control of his hands. He’ll stare at them as if they’re separate entities from himself, and occasionally they actually become sentient and reach up and pull his pacifier out of his mouth. One time he actually became mad about this and was frustrated that the mean hands wouldn’t put the pacifier back in his mouth.
Picture taken 1/31/2011
The kids in Sophia’s preschool class are all used to the fact that she doesn’t talk right away and that about half the time she still has to be dragged into the classroom. On Friday I was a little late dropping her off at school so all the kids were already there and Sophia didn’t want to go into the already full classroom. Because I have to carry Lukas with me in his car seat, I have a hard time coaxing her into the room while juggling him, so the teacher told two of the girls to go get Sophia. The girls came out, “Come on Sophia let’s go in.” The dark haired girl said to Sophia. Each girl took one of Sophia’s hands and the three of them went in. “Bye Sophia. I’ll see you later.” I said to her as I always do. She never says goodbye, but I still keep the habit just in case one day she surprises me. The same girl that spoke before called back to me, “Bye mommy. Thank you.” The teacher and I about died laughing. That was adorable, and much appreciated. At least one of them says goodbye.
Picture taken 3/20/2011 Sophia running towards me at the park.
At the beginning of March I was invited to a Tastefully Simple party. I had to take Lukas with me since The Boy, much like his sister, refuses to take a bottle. I know there is no need to dress up a baby to make them cuter, but I had a dress-up type outfit that I wanted to use. It was too big for him at Christmas and I figured at the rate he is growing it would be too small at Easter, so I dressed him up for the party.
Kurt arrived home and as soon as he saw The Boy he said, “Breasty McSweater Vest!” as if he were announcing a clown to stage. Queue the circus music. I didn’t get the joke so he explained that he works with a guy whom one of our friends has dubbed, “Breasty McSweater Vest”. He’s a chubby guy who always wears a sweater vest. Fantastic. I think The Boy looks cute and Kurt is comparing him to a middle-aged man with moobs.
At the end of the month, I gave up trying to squeeze the almost four-month-old boy into six-month clothes and moved him up to nine-month clothes. The first shirt was not to Lukas’ liking so he had a blowout. When Kurt arrived home and saw Lukas in the second outfit, “Dilbert!” he announced. So Lukas has a geek mom who dresses him like he’s going to interview for a network technician job.
He hates the flash on the camera that’s why he has the deer in headlights look.
I wasn’t going to do it but I’ve had two requests to continue the old tradition I created when Sophia was an infant. Frankly, after Sophia, the boy’s diapers have been a disappointment. One would think that that boy would have superbly nasty boy diapers but he doesn’t. He’s all sound…and smell. He’s finally picked up on the blowouts and here is the best from the month of March.
Anytime I’m changing Lukas’ diaper Sophia informs me, “Lukas make green stinky.”
Our conference was only supposed to be half an hour but we wound up chatting for an hour. I think Sophia’s teacher was thoroughly entertained by Kurt and I. Along with the conference Sophia’s teacher also gave us a written progress report: “Sophia has been making wonderful progress at preschool. She has been showing much more comfort with the staff and the other children. Sophia joins us in all activities, although she may not always participate fully, she stays with the activity. After she hangs up her coat and backpack, she generally chooses an activity to begin her day. Combing her hair has become an expected activity and she seems to like to begin her day getting her headband and brushing her hair. The most important accomplishment is that Sophia is smiling for most of the day. She seems happy to be at school, play with the students, and do the activities. I look forward to watching her continued growth for the remainder of this school year. She is a very sweet little girl who is a pleasure to have in preschool.”
Picture taken 3/27/2010.
Kurt left the TV on last night when he went upstairs to give Sophia a bath. I don’t know what lame excuse for a news show was on at the time but I didn’t get to the remote fast enough to not hear that Donald Trump questions Barack Obama’s birth place. They talked about some scuff The Donald had with Whoopi over this made up ‘birther’ issue where she then pulled the race card, which also really irritates me. I really hate when the race card is the only form of debate a person has. Yes, there is still racism and I’m sure despite her means Whoopi probably still sees very real instances of it, but if all she knows how to do is lay around screaming “help, help I’m being repressed” then she’s always going to be a victim no matter what. That, along with the other gossiping ninnies, is why I don’t watch The View. But I digress.
Some woman unknown to me was then shown handing Trump a copy of Obama’s birth certificate. All I could see of the paper was the minimalist format of it, which looks remarkably like the birth certificates I have for Sophia and Lukas. Trump’s argument for the legitimacy of the document that there are no signatures and that it was issued years after Obama’s birth. Wow, he’s good. We need The Donald, because we apparently can’t trust whomever the person is whose job is to check that a presidential candidate was in fact born in the United States. I understand where Donald is coming from. If hadn’t ever seen the new standard of a certified birth certificate I would think it looks fake also, but honestly, do you really think the country is so fucked up that the people in charge of ensuring a candidate is valid tripped up? And the all the security screenings a person has to go through before being sworn in to the highest office simply overlooked one giant glaring requirement? Really?
My original birth certificate was clearly typed up on a typewriter. The document lists my father’s occupation, the birthplace of both my parents, and at the bottom, there are signatures. For reasons I will never understand my mother would not give me my own birth certificate for years, so years ago when it became necessary to have a birth certificate to get back home from trips to Canada I wrote to Alaska for a new copy of my birth certificate. It looks nothing like my original and the issue date is the date at which I made the request for my own certified copy. So Donald, unless New York is different from Alaska, Washington, and apparently Hawaii I’m guessing if you made a request for a certified copy of your own birth certificate you’ll get similar results. And dude, you have shitgobs of cash…If you’re going to wear a hair piece why the hell don’t you splurge and get one that looks more realistic? Just don’t think that good hair will win you the position of President of the United States. You and the hypocrite, Gingrich don’t have a flying chance in hell so save your money or you may go to the brink of personal bankruptcy…again.