Supper Daddy Fix it All

My mother gave Sophia a cooking set for Christmas. It was meant for ages eight and over (stated on the box) because of the porcelain tea set that it came with. Usually Sophia is very careful with things so I didn’t think the intended age thing would be a factor. I was wrong. She broke a dish. I heard it slam on the floor and then immediately after, “Momma broken. Momma broken. Momma broken.” I told her to put it on the counter and daddy would fix it when he got home…eerr after he finds the super glue.

pink porcelain plate

The next day, she was at the kitchen table playing with some silly bands she got in her gift bag at one of the many birthdays we attended. She stretched one of them it to the limit and it broke. I was nearby doing dishes and watched her get up and place it on the counter next to the still broken plate, “Daddy fix it.” She’s so stinkin’ cute.

yellow tweety silly band

I’m wondering if these breaks have to do with her strong curiosity for what is inside things. She’ll often hand me plastic toys that are molded into just one piece, but of different colors, and ask me to take it apart. She simply won’t give up asking no matter how many times I tell her, “Honey that’s just one piece. It’s not supposed to come apart.”

Yesterday her curiosity made me fear that daddy will soon have to become a lot more handy that merely a super glue wielding expert. For our new house, instead of a unit with the freezer on the bottom, we picked out a side-by-side refrigerator. For the first time Sophia can reach her own things, so she has started opening it on her own to retrieve or put her cup of milk away. It made me nervous when I saw her watching the door very intently as she closed it slowing and mentally making note of the point at which it seems to close on it’s own.

I know what you’re thinking, and I’m certain she wasn’t trying to see if the light goes off or not. I’m pretty sure that mystery has been solved for her. Months ago she discovered the button the car door hits as it closes which turns off the dome light. It’s part of her get-in-the-car routine to press that button several times before getting in. I think she presses it several extra times if it’s raining just so it annoys me more. Stinker.

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Literary Girl’s Fish Smarts

One of the books that Sophia has had me read several times in a row at bedtime is “A Fish Out Of Water” by Helen Palmer. In the book, a boy buys a fish and is instructed by the store owner to never feed the fish too much, “When you feed a fish, never feed him a lot. So much and no more! Never more than a spot, or something may happen!” The boy winds up feeding the fish too much and the fish keeps outgrowing the various bowls and pots the boy uses to contain him. After the fish outgrows a swimming pool, the boy calls the store owner to help him.

Yesterday morning I was downstairs in the gliding/rocking chair with my feet up on the matching autumn nursing Lukas. Sophia was busy buckling her blue sock monkey in Lukas’ swing just in front of me when she told me, “Momma, no Lukas in swing.”

“I won’t put Lukas in the swing. I’m feeding him.”

“Momma, feed Lukas.” She said. Then she added, “So much no more!”

Maybe I should stop talking about how big the boy is. I shouldn’t routinely point out that he has rolls everywhere, and I should probably skip the part about even his rolls have rolls.

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Fuzzy Food Memory

Even when I’m not pregnant I have a super sensitive nose and for years now I’ve forbade Kurt from eating anything with garlic when he goes out to eat. It can be as benign as marinara sauce and I’ll make him keep his distance. If it’s something that may as well be listed simply as garlic on the menu – forget it. Kurt doesn’t even have a chance to close the front door before I say, “OHMYGOD whatever that was don’t ever eat it again!” I remember one day while pregnant with Lukas I actually pushed him away and said, “Get away from me. You stink.”

I don’t know why for sure but I’m guessing it has to do with my use of fresh garlic verses I would assume powdered garlic from restaurants. All I know is that when I add garlic to something it just doesn’t affect him that badly. I’ve told him this repeatedly, and repeatedly when he has seen me add garlic he’ll tell me it’s my own fault if he smells. It’s worse than trying to get Sophia to remember to use her polite words when she wants something. I think it has finally gotten to the point where I can just glare at him and he’ll suddenly remember the nearly twelve years of me informing him that it’s only really bad when he goes out to eat.

Parmesan and herb pankoLast week I bought a box of parmesan and herb panko for the first time and I also purchased some thin cut chicken breasts for- Da Dada Daa! – breaded chicken. Kurt opened the pantry and saw all the panko I had…a huge unopened box of plain panko from Costco, a small opened box of plain panko from a store that sells things in non-Costco sizes, and the newly purchased herb panko. Even though the boxes were different, he didn’t notice that there were two flavors of panko. We had a long conversation about why there was so much panko populating the pantry. That night we ate Parmesan and herb panko breaded chicken. It was good and I didn’t have to add anything extra to flavor the chicken. All the flavor was in the panko and I didn’t have to work any harder to create it. It wasn’t super magical tasting but it was good.

A week later Kurt is snooping around the pantry again and he says, “Parmesan and herb panko? You never use that do you?” Which one of us is sleep deprived? Sometimes I wonder why I even bother talking to him. And then he gets mad when he asks me what’s for dinner and I answer, “Food”. What difference does it make? He’s not going to remember ever having it anyway. I glared at him. “Oh yes you do use it, and it was fantastic!” He said not remembering at all.

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The Human Spongebob Patrick Star Questionnaire

My driver’s license expired last month, so on Tuesday after I dropped Sophia off at preschool, Lukas and I went to renew it. There is a list of questions that the person behind the counter is required to ask, and apparently must do so in monotone. “Is your height and weight about the same?” No, I’m three feet shorter. What the fuck? The first part of the question is just stupid, and I think it’s ridiculous to even ask a woman if her weight has changed especially when she has a six week old infant beside her. Sure, I’m still 130 pounds. I lost 50 pounds in just six weeks. That’s right, I was ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTY POUNDS on the day I went into labor.

I’m not back down to 130, but I’m not about to tell the department of licensing that. For the record, I weighed in at 149 at my six-week postpartum appointment. Yes, I realize I just told the whole wide world my weight. I’m not ashamed or embarrassed about it. I just don’t want it on my driver’s license because I’m hoping that it won’t be a lie four years before it expires again.

The other stupid question was, “Were you a twin or triplet at birth?” Is the “at birth” part necessary? At what other point would one be a twin or triplet? Certainly not after death, although that would explain why the line at the DOL is so stupidly slow. Is there sub class of humans that have starfish like reproductive abilities?

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Family Frat House

It’s been a while since I was last puked on. I’m still not entirely sure if last night’s puke wasn’t just a lot of spit up or if it was actually vomit. It did smell off, but then again everything that comes out of The Boy smells. Not that Sophia’s diapers smelled like roses but MYGOD they never smelled as bad as his do while her sustenance was entirely breast milk. Anyway, his spewing of milk reminded me uncivilized it is around here.

Sophia runs around telling me about her belches and farts because it is of course encouraged by Kurt, so after some form of gas escapes she tells me, “Big be-woo-ch” (big belch) or “witt-oh fah-wt” (little fart). Lukas is frequently seen lying around the house after staying up all night.
passed out
tummy time crashed

And sometimes there is evidence of heavy drinking involved…
sweet dreams
milk face

I have to admit though; the kids aren’t the only unrefined ones. Lately my shirts have been coming up for more than a Flash Friday. Sorry but there are no photos and no scheduled public viewings. It’s only by demand of the boss.

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Observations of Exhibit A

Yesterday was my six-week postpartum appointment. I arrived with the kids and as I was checking in Kurt came in. That is when Sophia began to act as if I had fed her a bag of sugar for lunch along with a triple shot latte just for fun. Is my three-year-old the only one that, as a form of conversation, points out the stupidly obvious? And I don’t mean, “Apple red”, which is how Sophia talks. She can and will use more than two-word phrases/sentences, but that is still her typical way of speaking. But I digress. What I mean by the painfully obvious is, “momma, momma”, she either confuses her words or forgets whose attention she is seeking, “Daddy, that one’s momma”. She says pointing to me.

“Yes, we’ve met.” Kurt says, “At least a couple of times.”

Proof of our having met each other can be seen in exhibit A:
Sophia

And exhibit B:
exhibit B

After I checked in Sophia wanted me to sit in the kid area with the rest of our family. I sat by Kurt and gave a nod, “Hi.”

“Hi,” he answered back and extended his hand, “I’m daddy.”

“I’m mommy,” I said shaking his hand. We’re fucking goofballs.

Speaking of exhibit A…when Sophia begins to pester us for a puppy or other pet of her own I will be using the following picture as reason number one why the answer will be no.
puppy stew

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What Would Lasagna Be Without It?

I decided yesterday that I was going to go grocery shopping today and buy the few things I needed to make lasagna while Sophia was at the neighbor’s house. I wrote a list out of the few ingredients that I was missing from the pantry and made my way through the store crossing things off the list as I picked them up. Once home I of course put everything away. I calculated the time I would need to cook things up, assemble, and bake and began at a time that would have us eating at a reasonable dinner hour. It wasn’t until I reached the assembly part of the process that I realized I was missing one rather key ingredient specific to lasagna…The fuckin’ lasagna noodles!

lasagna noodles

I called in my request for Kurt to run to the store. He laughed and said, “Wow talk about pregnancy brain.” Yeah, yeah I know. It would have made me feel so much better if when he arrived home and handed me the noodles he had asked, “So what’s for dinner?” However, that didn’t happen.

 November, 30 posts in 30 days nablopomo.com

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Don’t Encourage Him

Unless they’re a total glutton for punishment or simply love to torture me, anyone who knows Kurt knows not to ask any questions about math, science or history within his earshot. It is bound to turn into an endless lecture bouncing from one scientific, mathematical, and historical tangent to another. It doesn’t even matter if you preface your question with, “yes or no…?” His answer is bound to begin his answer with “It’s a warm summer evening in ancient Greece….

A few evenings ago, we were driving home from working on the new house and Sophia noted, “Dawk ow-side”.

“Yes, it’s very dark outside.” I agreed.

“It wait.” She said.

“Actually it’s not very late yet.” Kurt said, “It’s getting dark earlier…Do you want to know why?”

“No” she answered without any hesitation.

I laughed hysterically. That’s my girl, don’t give him the opportunity!

Sophia at her third birthday party

 November, 30 posts in 30 days nablopomo.com

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Trigger Happy Dad And The Social Butterfly

Socially Sophia is still at the side-by-side stage of interaction with peers. As each week and month passes and her peers’ progress, she seems to stay the same or even regress at times. Sometimes she’ll leave our side to get toys to play with near us or in a quiet corner. At her best it’s side-by-side play and at her worst she won’t leave our arms for anything.

Tonight she played at my feet most of the time and near the end of the night I caught her smiling at a friend’s younger son having fun with a toy and it reminded me of a couple months ago when we were at that same friend’s house and Sophia was giggling at her older son’s silly antics.

As Sophia watched the older boy, I watched the concern on Kurt’s face grow. Finally, Kurt leaned to me and said, “She’s really paying attention to him.”

“Yes, I know.”

He took in a deep breath and asked, “Do you think it’s because he’s being silly or…?”

“Oh for chrissakes Kurt, she’s not even three yet!”

Put the shotgun away dad, we still have a few years. Could you imagine how tense Kurt would be if she were a little social butterfly?

Daddy helping Sophia open presents at her third birthday party

 November, 30 posts in 30 days nablopomo.com

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The Baby Name Game

Kurt and I are having a hard time coming up with a name we can both agree on and that flows nicely with our last name. It’s as if Kurt took the only name that works beautifully, but I don’t like going with junior. We would like to go with a name that goes with Kurt’s Scandinavian heritage many of the names I’ve found probably don’t serve a child growing up in the United States very well. The name Jens for example would likely be confused for some shortened version of Jennifer. And Monk, Knute, Folmer…do I really need to explain why those won’t work here?

Prior to knowing Sophia’s gender Kurt said that if he had a boy he wanted to name him Darth, as in Darth Vader. He even had hopes that the baby would have asthma so that he would sound like Darth Vader. Kurt is a very sick man. Thankfully, now that having a boy is a reality, Kurt is actually considering the consequences of such a name. Unfortunately, it seems that Kurt’s mom actually thought the name a valid contender. During a phone conversation with Kurt she tried to convince him that it was a solid choice by invoking a famous person of the name, “What about the one Country singer?”

“That’s GARTH mom.”

“Garth, Darth, what’s one letter?”

Hhmm six, sex…sick, dick…duck, suck..brick, prick…yeah what’s one letter?

Then there are the names that Kurt and I dwelt on seriously for longer than I care to say like, Sheldon Leonard after the two lead characters in The Big Bang Theory.

George Carlin is still a contender as far as I’m concerned. Good ‘ol George.

Then there are the names selected purely in jest like, Elton John. That name could work so long as we could find a feather onesie that looks like this…
Elton John in feather costume

And the names considered for the free products they may invite like Ivar Ingmar. Do you think we could get free chowder from Ivar’s and furniture from Ikea…for life maybe?

The real list has been trimmed down to something like this: Alexander, Benjamin, Eric or Erik, Franklin, Ian or Iain, and Lucas or Lukas

 November, 30 posts in 30 days nablopomo.com

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