Now they’ve gone and done it. Parents can’t possibly have the time to know about the latest and greatest proper way to serve a child under the age of fourteen a hot dog, so lets repackage them just for the kiddies and put huge warnings on them. Yes, apparently some five to thirteen year olds still require mommy to cut up their hot dog because they couldn’t be bothered to use those things in their mouth called TEETH. Granted, many seven year-olds have huge gaps between their teeth, but I’m sure they can still bite and chew a hot dog.
Doctors seek food labels on choke dangers
Thousands of U.S. children are treated each year — and 100 die — because of choking, and food is the leading cause.
Let’s be clear. That is the heading and subheading of the article. Within the article itself reads, “Of the 141 choking deaths in kids in 2006, 61 were food-related.” That’s 141 choking deaths of kids from birth to 14 years, and 61 in the ENTIRE country were due to food.
Doctors say high-risk foods, including hot dogs, raw carrots, grapes and apples — should be cut into pea-sized pieces for small children to reduce chances of choking. Some say other risky foods, including hard candies, popcorn, peanuts and marshmallows, shouldn’t be given to young children at all.
You mean everything that parents give as healthy snacks are a choking hazards. Wow, got it. Apples are the only thing on the first list that Sophia will even eat. I’ve NEVER cut them into pea-sized pieces, NEVER. I started by cutting them into wedges without the skin, then with the skin, and now she prefers grabbing a whole apple. She won’t eat the whole thing, but that’s how she wants it served. I’ve seen how normal toddlers eat, so I can see why someone would start out with tiny pieces, but that’s the point. If parents are allowed to use just a tiny bit of brainpower, they’ll figure it out. It doesn’t take much.
The second list explains why I would get such dirty looks from mothers my own age, but not from the grandmas at Sophia’s swim class. I *shock* gave her peanuts, cashews, and almonds to snack on after class. They don’t identify what ages qualify as ‘young children’, but I’ll wager that a two-year old is in that general range.
Federal law requires choking warning labels on certain toys including small balls, balloons and games with small parts. There should be a similar mandate for food, the pediatrics academy says.
We want products that make everything easier but have ZERO risk. Now Make it happen! You see, the fundamental difference between balloons and food is that food is supposed to go in the mouth. Food is supposed to be swallowed. And hot dogs *twitch* do in fact qualify as food, even though they smell like rancid ass and are the only meat that plump when they’re cooked. I’m just sayin’.
If The American Academy of Pediatrics gets their way and things like carrots are sold with warnings then you can count on me to march lockstep with them. That’s right I’ll totally back them on this, no joke. I’ll make sure to push my own requirement that all penises are labeled as a potential gagging hazard. I mean really, we don’t want anyone to cause themselves any discomfort. The warning shall read, “May transmit STDs including but not limited to HIV and herpes. Depending on use can be a potential gagging hazard or cause pregnancy.” Of course to be fair the vagina should also have a warning, and then extra warnings just for women concerning pregnancy, “The overall pregnancy-related mortality ratio was 11.8 deaths per 100,000 live births and ranged from 10.3 in 1991 to 13.2 in 1999.” Between 1991 and 1999 there was a range of 3,882,000 to 4,111,000 live births per year in the United States. The average comes out to 3,976,330, divide it by 100,000 and then multiply by 11.8 to get the average number of pregnancy-related mortalities of 469 a year.
Just think of it. If we can really use warnings to keep people away from things hazardous to their health like cigarettes then a warning like that over genitals ought to keep everyone a masturbating virgin until death. We won’t ever have to worry about children choking on another pseudo meat product ever again.