Dirty Kurtie’s Tunes: She’s the Monkey
To the tune of “The Theme from the Monkees” by The Monkees – Dirty Kurtie’s version goes like this:
Here she comes,
Scootin’ on her seat.
She gets the sweetest looks from
Ev’ry one she meets.Hey, hey, she’s the Monkey
She’s the cutest baby around.
But she’s too busy playin’
For her to wear a frown.
Click on the picture to see the video of Sophia butt scooting.
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Letter to Sears Portrait Studio
I received a flier from the Sears Portrait Studio a couple weeks before my daughter’s first birthday so I went there (studio number 42049) for her one-year birthday photos. The photographer took me to the back and asked what sort of background I wanted. I told her I didn’t know, because I didn’t know what they had to offer. Through the whole session she kept the same background and never asked if I wanted to, nor allowed me to, change outfits. My daughter wasn’t the perfect subject, but I felt like this photographer didn’t know how to work with mobile babies at all. She kept tickling my daughter’s face with a duster to get smiles but produced awkward faces. I would have been much happier with a more stoic look than sneers and grimaces. When she took pictures of my daughter’s whole body she was so far back my baby got lost in the background.
I wasn’t happy with the results, but I purchased three different poses that were only acceptable. One of the poses was of my daughter crying. I brought the flier I received in with me for the session. On the top of the flier it says, “No session fee”. I was charged a fee. They said that offer only applied if I ordered one of their package deals. The flier also said that I could get a portrait CD for as low as $9.99. They said that’s only after the purchase of a $120 CD or a $200 portrait package. The flier said that I could save up to 50% on “personalized collections”. The fine print even said that the savings was based on “individual products sold separately”. Somehow, the four sheets that I did purchase didn’t qualify. The flier said that they could have the portraits ready on the same day. I did get that. I saw my prints after signing the credit card receipt. I was horrified. My daughter looked like she had jaundice with pink splotchy skin. I was so angry I just left to cool down before asking for my money back.
Three days later, I returned to find out that the best I could get was a 50% refund. I don’t think it is fair for me to pay half of something that even the store manager admitted turned out “a little warm”. Nowhere on my SEARS receipt does it say that I would get anything less than a full refund if returned with the receipt, which I had. I called the customer service number and was told that the 50% refund was standard policy, however I don’t see anything on the Sears portrait site, the receipt I was given, nor the papers from the photo shoot, which outline that return policy.
Frustrated, I opted for the 50% refund. I returned the next day and was given a receipt for a complete 50% refund and told that it would go to my card. The manager acted as if I was done, but I hadn’t signed anything. I asked if there was anything I needed to sign and she printed out another receipt. This one only refunded 50% of the fee for the prints but not the sitting fee. She said the 50% for the sitting fee would have to be done separately but that I wouldn’t need to sign that one. I didn’t see her ring up the second receipt and I was not given a copy of either of those receipts.
With this sort of transaction, I’m keeping a close eye to see what shows up on my credit card. I never thought I would have to do that with a store that carries the SEARS name. To say I’m disappointed with the quality of prints I was given would be an understatement, but then to also pay $32.02 (or more depending on what shows up on my credit card) for absolutely nothing is outrageous. I will be sharing this story with my friends, family and everyone that reads my blog. I’m very angry about the quality of product – both the photographer’s skill and the prints, and the lack of customer service. I want a full refund.
A paper copy of this letter was sent to CPI Corp 1706 Washington Ave, St Louis, MO 63103-1717
CPI Corp is the owner and operator of Sears Portrait Studios and PictureMe Portrait Studios™ in Wal-Mart.
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55 Flash Fiction Friday: Fear of the unknown
In high school, one teacher saw through what others thought to be a normal teen demeanor. The scars shown through in my behavior but his assumptions about the cause were wrong as before. I never confided in him. Though I don’t know that the outcome would be any different, I wish I had that confidence.
Flash Fiction Friday is hosted by g-man. You may also visit Flash Fiction Friday 55′s, a blog dedicated to hosting 55 Flash Fiction Friday posts.
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First Birthday Cake
I made two cakes. One had walnuts and frosting and one without. I know some will say that a frosting laden cake coupled with a baby would have yielded much more exciting photos, but Sophia is very gentle, dainty, and delicate. She of course had some crumbs in her lap, but really that was the extent of her mess. She barely had anything on the floor at all and she doesn’t rub food into her hair. In this regard she’s an incredibly boring baby, which I’m very grateful for because the little mess that she made was making me twitch.
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Birthday Carrot Pineapple Nut Cake
I don’t remember where I got the recipe, probably off the back of some box or bag of something, but it’s AWESOME! This is the cake I’m making for Sophia’s birthday:
Carrot Pineapple Nut Cake with Cream Cheese Frosting
1 pound carrots
3 cups flour
3 cups sugar
1 tablespoon baking soda
1 tablespoon cinnamon
1 teaspoon salt
1½ cups vegetable oil
4 eggs beaten
1 tablespoon vanilla
1½ cups chopped walnuts
1½ cups shredded coconut
2 8-ounce cans crushed pineapple drained
- Peel and coarsely chop carrots. Cook until tender; puree. Set aside.
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease and flour three 9-inch round cake pans.
- In a large bowl, mix together flour, sugar, baking soda, cinnamon, and salt. Stir in oil, eggs, and vanilla; mix well. Fold in reserved carrot puree, walnuts, coconut, and pineapple.
- Divide batter evenly among prepared pans. Bake 40 to 50 minutes, or until wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean and edges have pulled away from the sides of the pan.
- Cool in pans 15 minutes. Remove from pan; cool completely on wire rack. Fill and frost cake with Cream Cheese Frosting. Top with chopped nuts and carrot strips if desired.
*tip: I don’t know how most people cook carrots for a puree but I boil mine in a little bit of water (not even enough to cover them) and cover with a lid to get the steam going. Then to make puree I use the water they were boiled in to help with moisture. If there wasn’t enough water in the pot I add some of the oil from the cake recipe to help the pureeing process along, but not water it down too much.
Also, I don’t trust Sophia to not choke on chunks of walnuts so I poured some of the batter in one 9×9 dish and then added nuts to the rest of the batter, which goes in a 9×13 dish.
Cream Cheese Frosting
1 8-ounce package cream cheese, softened
¼ cup butter, softened
1 teaspoon vanilla
5 ½ cups sifted confectioners’ sugar
- Beat cream cheese and butter together in mixing bowl until blended. Blend vanilla.
- Gradually beet in sugar, mixing well after each addition until frosting is smooth.
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Baby Squeezins Diaper of the Year
Relax, it’s just peanut butter. There were a total of seven entries for the Diaper of the Year contest. I posted four of the emails in my plea for more votes post, and here are the other three:
Hallie
July speaks to me. Don’t ask why but I just kept coming back to it. I think it really “shines” amongst the rest!!
Speaks to you eh? And uuumm what does it say? 
Blake and Lauren
We are voting for December’s diaper of the month for two reasons: it’s our birthday month and we LOVE your T-shirt Sophia!
Sophia thanks her younger twin cousins
Angel
I knew I would choose this one as soon as you announced the contest, but I procrastinated. I vote for May’s diaper simply because it has sponsorship. Happy almost one-year Sophia (and her milk cart)!
You procrastinate? Really? Not YOU!
No, you don’t get a break from the real me just cause you’re pregnant!
Ok, for those that can’t count there are a total of seven votes (no, a twin vote doesn’t count as two sorry). One vote for each of the following: February, April, May, and December.
With three votes the champion of the 2007 diaper posts was *drum roll* July!
The reasons varied from:
- Sophia trying to help me with the clean one (from Sarah)
- Pure “classic poop” “gloop” factor (from smarmoofus)
- And because it “talks” and “shines” (from Hallie) – It’s quite a talented shit!
Let’s hear it for JULY!
And now for the winner of the contest. (All entrants were equally eligible to win even if the diaper post they picked was not the winning one.) Again with the drum roll…
Congratulations Susan Anderson! You won the prize. Oh, and I’m going to give you a choice. You can either go with the original prize of a 300-gram bar cube of Savon de Marseille or choose the surprise prize. No, I’m not going to tell you what it is or it wouldn’t be a surprise. I will tell you that it is not a dirty diaper nor a lifetime supply of dirty diapers. It isn’t even a peanut butter diaper nor a clean diaper. It actually has nothing to do with diapers at all.
For those that didn’t win there are still five full days to take advantage of the 30% discount offered to Mom’s Journal readers by the Savon de Marseille manufacturer. Just use the promo code MOMSJOURNAL at checkout.
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Baby Squeezins Diaper of the Month
For the second time, there were three contenders for the prestigious title of “Diaper of the Month”. One of them resembled an oil slick and the other looked like a salad that had been through the paper shredder. They made for some interesting photos, but I had to pick the first one I took for this month. The diaper was a morning one taken on the fourteenth that reeked so bad I was sure it would require half a bag of wipes and therefore a worthy contender for the coveted diaper of the month prize. To my shock, yet delight for a no-fuss no-muss poo, I saw this tiny little shit.
It’s simply amazing that such a little thing can cause such a big stink. Happy Birthday to my little shit.
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Picture Perfect Photographer Fiascos
At Christmas time last year we went to Olan Mills with Kurt’s Mom, Sister, and Niece. It was Kurt’s sister’s Christmas gift to everyone. The pictures all turned out great. The photographer who was also the manager of that particular store took tons of pictures and made sure that we got every family picture combination that we wanted including photos of just Kurt and I with our new baby. I was pleased until it came to the part of picking witch pictures we liked best because not only were they all really good but she kept flipping between them quickly, “which do you like better, number one or number two?” It was like going to an eye exam. I wrote it off as me being sick and groggy though. I mean hell, I even misspelled my own name while signing in! No shit, I was that bad and she still made pictures of me look acceptable – she’s that fucking good!
At Sophia’s six month birthday I went back to Olan Mills without much hesitation. The pictures were phenomenal again. This time I had a clearer head and could pick between number one and two. For most of them I knew what I wanted. She put some photo collages together as examples. I didn’t like the pictures she used on one of them, but liked the collage example itself so I ordered a couple with different photos inserted. It wasn’t until after I paid and was in the car that I noticed she left one of the example collages on my receipt as something I purchased. I went back to have her take it off. She said that she ordered it and I can have it free but she didn’t charge me for it? WTF? Then why was it ordered? She didn’t take it off. I still left, but was irritated. I called another Olan Mills store to verify the price of the collages. A couple weeks later when my pictures came in and I again told her, “look these are $25. I only wanted four of them not five”. She told me they were actually $30 and that I didn’t pay for the fifth one. Really? Then what about that extra $5? She never took off that fifth one. I got it for “free”. I’m still pissed.
A couple weeks ago, I got a flier from the Sears Portrait Studio so today I went there for Sophia’s one year photos. I want to cry. The pictures all suck ass. All of them! The girl took me to the back and asked what sort of background I wanted. I told her I didn’t know, because I didn’t know what they had to offer. Through the whole session she kept the same background. She kept focusing on Sophia’s face, which is fine for some shots, but I had told her this was for her first birthday. I want pictures of my baby’s whole tiny little body too. When she did take a picture of Sophia’s whole body she was so far back, my baby got lost in the background. I purchased three different poses that were only ok. One of the poses was Sophia crying. No, she wasn’t a perfect little subject, but really, what one year old is?
I brought my flier in with me for the session. On the top of the flier it says, “no session fee”. I was charged a fee. They said it was only if I ordered one of their package deals. The flier also said that I could get a portrait CD for as low as $9.99. They said that’s only after the purchase of a $120 CD or a $200 portrait package. The flier said that I could save up to 50% on “personalized collections”. The fine print even said that the savings was based on “individual products sold separately”. Somehow, the four sheets that I did purchase didn’t qualify. The flier said that they could have the portraits ready on the same day. I got that, but before we rejoice, let us have ourselves a little chat about quality.
I can have photos printed up at Costco and have them ready the next day. These are photos I take and send the digital image to Costco. It’s cheap. I can upload photos and pick the number of prints I want of each. I can order 8×10 ($1.49 ea), 5×7 ($0.39 ea), 4×6 (0.17 ea), whatever I want, and these pictures come out GREAT! It’s the same or at least very close to the quality you get from film camera prints. What’s better is that you can even crop the pictures at no extra charge! I could also buy a cheap ass photo printer for about $200 (I’m making it up – I’ve never shopped for one) but then I also have to buy ink and paper and the picture is printed on top of the glossy paper – it looks like crap. Given those two choices, I’ll take Costco without a second thought. So when I ordered my “same day” pictures today from Sears Portrait Studio I was hoping for the Costco quality because I know that just because it’s fast doesn’t mean it’s shit, but I was wrong. Oh so wrong! They used the cheap ass printer. My perfectly porcelain faced baby looks as if she has pink blotches all over her face. And I paid $64.02 for the privilege of all this. Sears Portrait Studio, you’re nothing more than blog fodder and I’m getting my money back as soon as I calm down. You BASTARDS! I’m going back to Olan Mills.
