It was hard not to notice the jars and canisters filled with expired food. Reading the dates on some wasn’t necessary. Those labels haven’t been used in years.
“With all the food I’m surprised that there aren’t more bugs here.”
“The bugs ate the food and died.”
“Where are the bug carcasses?”
“See the dust?”
I know there are more mainstream ideas for why the economy has collapsed such as the systematic deregulation of business which I believe started with the Reagan administration and was copied here and there in little bits and pieces by every administration that follow including democratic ones, but I have more to add to that. With the deregulation of business, I find there to be more regulation in daily life for the average citizen, and that I believe is the combination that has crashed the system.
There have been books and magazines published with helpful hints in household management for homemakers for quite some time, and those are great. The old ones are a rather scary glimpse into the history of the woman’s roll in life, but all that I’ve seen assume a certain amount of intelligence on the receiving end. That’s the part that seems to be missing in modern helpful hints and it’s making my ass twitch. I could give the overused example of warnings on the use of hairdryers in the shower, but I have a more subtle example.
On my trip to Alaska this summer I was introduced to horseradish mustard and the wonderfulness it adds to a sandwich. I also fell in love with the lunch meat we purchased there and so when I got home I began buying the same Private Selection Home Style Slow Roasted – Roast Beef from Fred Meyer. One horrifying day I opened the clear plastic container and saw that the label had print on the other side which was only visible while the package is open. I took off the label and read it…
Sandwich Ingredients:
Makes 1 sandwich
1 each Club or Kaiser roll (Hard roll)
5 to 6 slices Private Selection Roast Beef
2 slices Private Selection cheddar
1 T Balsamic Vinegar
1 Lettuce leaf
2 slices Tomato
Method:
1. Split the roll in half lengthwise. Drizzle the vinegar on both sides of the roll.
2. Lay the roast beef and cheese on the one side of the roll.
3. Add tomato and lettuce and top with the other side of the roll.
1. What United States American doesn’t know how to assemble a sandwich?
2. If someone doesn’t know what to do with thinly sliced roast beef what the fuck are they doing purchasing it?
3. Would anyone really buy a packaged food hoping that there are instructions for use in the inside?
If we play along and believe that food needs to be dumbed down for us all then I need to point out there was a distinct lack of pictures, and they did not specify that the vinegar needs to be drizzled on the sliced side of each piece of bread. It was also not stated that the 5 to 6 slices Private Selection Roast Beef, 2 slices Private Selection cheddar, 1 Lettuce leaf, and 2 slices Tomato go between the two sliced sides of the bread. Lastly, they have it all wrong because there is no mention of horse radish mustard. Seriously, that makes the sandwich.
I had a friend from China who told me a story about her first potluck where some food assembly was required. She said she had never had a sandwich before and thought there was a specific way to assemble this meal so she was looking to her friends for help and instruction. Her story I completely understand, and now that she’s been in the US for a while she sees the humor in thinking that there was one way to assemble a sandwich. These instructions for a roast beef sandwich make me sad.
My daughter had her fourth birthday a couple weeks ago and there were of course balloons, as there were for her third and second birthdays. We had them filled with helium, and there are still some of those balloons lingering in the house in various states of deflation.
Last week my husband took one and inhaled the helium to show her how it makes his voice sound funny, but the one he picked must not have had enough of the gas left in it. It changed his voice, but not by much. Days later Sophia poked a hole in one of the balloons. I don’t know if she was trying to suck the air out or not, but later I saw her try to blow it back up again. She spent all day with that deflated balloon and no harm came to her or her ten month old brother who also got a hold of it at some point.
Watching her try so hard to blow it up it made me feel bad that I’ve never bought her a bag of balloons to just play with, and now seeing that Europe has put a ban on balloons for kids under eight I think it’s imperative that I buy some for her. Right now she doesn’t know how to shape her mouth so that she can blow. She had a hard time blowing out her candles. She tends to make a straight horizontal line with her mouth and the air she blows either comes out the sides or under her top teeth (blowing downward). Maybe a bag of balloons will help. I just need to let her know that her baby brother should not play with the deflated balloons, because he is a baby after all.
This is a picture from Sophia's third birthday (hence the three). In this photo she is actually blowing on the candle, but clearly not forming her mouth correctly to do so.
I learned of the news link from Lenore of “Free Range Kids”.
*** Update 10/13/2011 ***
Is the EU going to ban children from blowing up balloons?
Although the claims made by the Telegraph doesn’t misrepresent the content of the EU safety directive, it does appear to exaggerate its case. The EU cannot in fact ‘ban’ the products mentioned, but merely require that warnings are carried on the packaging. Moreover, these are not ‘new’ requirements as the paper implies, and in fact have been in effect for over two decades.
Similar rules also exist in the US.
On Fisher-Price.com there is an article that answers the question, “Are Balloons Dangerous?” Their answer is yes, however in their answer they also have this…
According to the National SAFE KIDS Campaign, each year over 100,000 children under age 4 are treated in hospital emergency rooms for toy-related injuries, and 17 children die. Approximately one-third of the deaths result from choking; and one-third of the choking deaths result from latex balloons.
Now, lets do some math. Ignore the 100,000 injuries because that is from all toys. Let’s focus on the deaths, 17. 1/3 of the 17 deaths are from choking. 1/3 of the 1/3 of 17 deaths are from choking on latex balloons. 17 divided by 3 is 5.6, that’s the number of choking deaths. 5.6 divided by 3 is 1.8. 1.8 is the number of kids out of 17 toy-related deaths in a year. Two kids. Total. In the entire United States. Right now in 2011 there are about twenty five and a half million children ages five and under.
Twelve years ago Kurt spent a lot of time making up spreadsheets of various desired car attributes. He had narrowed it down to two cars that were virtually equal in every way. The one deciding factor at that point was the color, but because color is an emotional decision, the brain of the engineer began to spew smoke. He put the brakes on and held out for four months.
We purchased a new car on Saturday and receive it Sunday. We’ve sort of been in the market for a new one for a while now, but because of Thing One and Thing Two it added more data to consider in the spreadsheets.
Two years, that’s how long it takes an engineer to eliminate all the cars I never considered options in the first place and finally settle on the one that I originally wanted. Waiting so long in itself is performing three miracles, never mind that he forced me to try out a minivan, took my picture in one, and then posted it on Facebook. Bastard. I hate minivans. I know some people love them and that’s fantastic. I’m not one of those people.
You may grant me my sainthood for patients now. Thank you.
Costco had a coupon for a nice fleecy blanket last month. I didn’t really need a new blanket we have several. They’re each several years old but they’re still functional blankets. There was a two-blanket limit for the coupon price. I only bought one. That was a mistake.
I bought a dark chocolate brown color blanket so that it would go with our living room decor. I folded the blanket and kept it on out couch. With the colder temperatures approaching, I could use it while watching TV in the evening. Keeping the blanket convenient was also a mistake.
A few days ago, Kurt said, “I used your blanket.” Uumm ok, whatever. Then he told me he taught Sophia how to build a fort in the toy room using her slide. Oh balls. He of course used the blanket that was downstairs and most convenient. Fantastic. The person who never needs a blanket donated mine to the fort building cause. I don’t think I’ll be getting my blanket back anytime soon.
I knew about how tall she was because when we took her to the fair she could go on many of the rides that she wanted to go on, but I had no idea her weight was equal to her height. Sophia is in the ninety-sixth percentile for height and the ninetieth for weight. She is forty-two and three quarter inches tall and forty-two pounds. Our child who seems to survive on air and sunshine in an area without the sunshine is doing great. Who knew the air had so many calories? The boy, the child that seems to eat his weight in milk, baby food, and graham crackers, is in the eighty-fifth percentile for height and doesn’t even reach the chart for weight. I should have him checked for worms. Really.
Walking to the room to wait for the doctor, we approach the scale to weigh the girl. She, just like last year, refuses to stand on the scale. She had a meltdown and melted into puddle against the wall holding her bunny and backpack she insisted on bringing. “Do you want to weigh your bunny?” the nurse asks.
“No! No! No!” she cried. After several attempts at trying trick her into getting on the scale, I just picked her up, stood there with the sobbing child, and then weighed myself without her…just like last year. Last year she weighed thirty-two pounds and was thirty-nine inches tall.
She passed all the milestone questions. “Does she know at least three colors?” Yes, Sophia knows all of her colors and even in the order they appear in the rainbow. “Can she dress herself?” Yes. “Can she speak in full sentences?” Yes…technically. Half the time I don’t know what the heck she’s talking about, but full sentences do happen. Maybe someday I’ll be able to get her to tell me about her day at school. Even with prompting, she doesn’t say a word this year. Last year if I prompted her she would at least say that they sang songs or something. This year when I ask she responds with, “No! No! don’t ask me!” or “No! No! Don’t tell me!” when I try prompting. She does like school though. She often asks if she can go to school or if it’s time to get ready yet.
When it came time for shots the doctor described this bee they have that is a vibrating ice pack they put on the arms of kids Sophia’s age to numb the area so they don’t freak out about the shots as much. I just looked at him as he described it and said, “You saw her at the scale didn’t you?”
“Yes, ” he chuckled I saw.
“This will be interesting.”
“Yeah it might not work.”
We tried it and she fussed about even having the “bee” on her arm and then watched as the nurse put the shot in her arm and began to pull away. Yeah there really isn’t any tricking my child into things. It’ll ether happen or it won’t go well. Usually it’s the latter.
The nurse offered her a tiny toy lizard, a ring with a purple gemstone, and two princess stickers. “No! No! No! I don’t want it!” Yeah I’ll just take those. She’ll want them in the car.
Unfortunately, that day has come. Good-bye Steve Jobs. I never owned any Apple products, but I admire the innovation Mr. Jobs gave the computer world.
His passing makes me wonder what will be said of Bill Gates when his time comes.
Abort, Retry, Fail?_
Suddenly the blue screen of death would have more profound meaning.
A friend of mine sent me a link last week to a list of the “Most Outdated Pieces of Baby Advice”. A couple of the myths I hadn’t heard of, but most, for anyone who has taken a recent caring for baby class are very obviously myths. No real shockers here. What I find amusing are the comments that follow the article.
1. Myth: Infants need to be bathed every day.
I know a few people that bathed their babies every day, but I had never heard it as a piece of handed down advice. Unless my baby has a blowout, was slathered in sunscreen, or just needs to be cooled down after a hot day, I only bath the kids once a week. In the cases where the baby just needs to be cooled down I just use water.
I love the comment thread for this one though. One person said, “a person that poops and pees on themselves all day needs a bath”. Another reminds them that there are these things called wipes and it’s not like the baby is sitting in the same filth all day. Then there was a comment about wipes leaving a film. I’ve never seen this “film”. Another comment referring to the people that don’t bathe their kids or themselves daily, said what she was learning on the thread was that some have “dubious hygiene”. I think dubious hygiene would be not washing hands not refraining from daily bathing.
I actually think this is a non-issue. The kids I know/knew that were bathed daily are just fine and hove no skin issues that I know of. I simply prefer not to bathe my kids so frequently, and Lukas has sensitive skin, so bathing him more often would cause his baby eczema to be worse.
2. Myth: Babies sleep best in a room that’s silent and dark.
In my experience that is true, or should I say, for my two kids that is true. I’ve tried to get Lukas used to sleeping with noise. It just won’t happen. If his sister is home and awake. That boy won’t sleep. At. All. A lot of people say kids will get used to anything. I believe that’s true for the kids of a lot of people. Not mine.
3. Myth: When infants are running a high temperature, rub them down with alcohol to lower their fever.
I’ve never heard this one, but I imagine doing that would dry out the baby skin worse than bathing every day.
4. Myth: Letting your little one stand or bounce in your lap can cause bowlegs later on.
I have heard this one and when I did it was hard to not laugh in the face of the person that told me this and sincerely believed it. I honestly can’t understand how anyone could believe it.
Picture taken 11/24/2007. Me causing my two-month old daughter to become bowlegged *scoff*
5. Myth: Listening to classical music will raise your baby’s IQ.
One comment on this one had me cracking up. “What I’d like to say is that while classical music may not increase anyone’s IQ, it IS scientifically proven that it does in fact access and grow higher function parts of the brain. They use it for something called musical therapy, with other types of music, but generally classical music is used because of what it does neurologically. We had to go through this with our child because of some significant learning issues – and I’ll say, it really, really works well!”
Any boost classical music gives is temporary, and the study was only done on adults, not children. “Rauscher et. al. show that the enhancing effect of the music condition is only temporary: no student had effects extending beyond the 15-minute period in which they were tested. The study makes no statement of an increase in IQ in general, but in participants’ spatial intelligence scores.” Marketers just took the results and ran with it.
6. Myth: Let your baby cry it out; if you pick her up whenever she’s wailing, you’ll spoil her.
I like the answer given, “Babies under 4 months of age have few self-soothing strategies; they know how to suck to soothe and like being swaddled, but that’s about it. Picking infants up when they cry helps them learn that parents will always be there to take care of them.”
Of course, the myth and the answer invoked a lot of back and forth about the “cry it out” method, which is a method for sleep, not daytime pick-up-the-baby “spoiling”. I used the “cry it out” sleep method on Sophia when she was four months and it worked beautify. I’ve tried it several times with Lukas and it has failed miserably.
There was one commented that said, “fact actually, I have seen babies older then the age you list, constantly cry when someone wasn’t holding him/her. The mother would basically have the kid on her hip all the time, so that trained the child.” Really? I think it depends on the kid. I think believe are born with their basic personality already installed, but the way some of these people comment it seems they think babies are born as blank slates.
Sophia has been clingy from the very beginning. Whereas Lukas I could leave to amuse himself for long periods, also from the beginning. When he cries I still go get him just as I did for Sophia. I don’t believe an infant can be spoiled especially not one under four months. I just don’t. Also somewhere between six months and nine months infants go through a clingy phase because they recognize some people as strangers, so they’ll want to be held by their caregivers more. Maybe that’s what the commenter saw. Because not every baby is looks at new people simply as, friends they just haven’t met yet. My first child sure as hell didn’t.
7. Myth: Babies should be woken up in the night to have a wet diaper changed.
I have never in my life heard anyone ever recommend waking up a baby for any reason. Ever. When the little shit finally passes out you just don’t wake them up. Don’t do it.
Actually, that’s not true, in the hospital I was told to wake the newborn up to feed them every two to three hours. I never woke up either kid to do that after coming home from the hospital. I figure that if the baby is hungry, their little tummy will tell them to wake up. I want my damn sleep. Changing a poor sleep pattern might be another reason to wake baby. Emergencies aside, I can’t think of another valid reason to wake up a baby.
8. Myth: It’s dangerous to immunize your infant if he has a cold or a low-grade fever.
I don’t think I’ve ever asked or gone in for a baby wellness check while either baby was sick so I don’t know what our doctor says about it, but whatever his response is, I’ll just go with that over the assvice from some random Yahoo parenting blog. I’m just sayin’.
9. Myth: Never apply sunscreen to an infant under 6 months of age.
In the article, it says that the risk of skin damage from the sun is worse than risk from chemicals in sunscreen. I don’t know about that. I’m thinking it just better to keep the baby out of the sun especially during the more sun intense hours of the day. Personally, I think if you’re going to be out in the sun with a baby under six months a baby hat and umbrella should be added to the baby baggage instead of sunscreen. If needed sunscreen used sparingly as the second line of defense, not the first.
10. Myth: During the first month of a baby’s life, it’s critical that all baby bottles and nipples be sterilized.
I don’t know about this one either. I wasn’t bottle feeding the first month so it wasn’t something I concerned myself with. I’d ask a doctor or take a baby feeding class through the hospital prior to having the baby. Really, I don’t see anything wrong with playing it safe. I don’t understand why this made the list.
11. Myth: The safest way to put an infant to sleep is on her stomach.
I’ve seen the statistics. It’s much safer for a baby to sleep on their back. The comments against the back-to-sleep campaign sort of boggle the mind. One commenter believes it’s “baloney” and that the major cause of SIDS was from parents using puffy blanks, pillows, and inappropriate sleep surfaces. It’s true that the majority of crib-death incidents were more likely to been found with the nose or mouth completely covered by bedding, and those of us born before the 90’s were most likely put to sleep on our stomachs and lived to tell about it. So no, it’s not an absolute guaranteed death trap to place a baby on their stomach, but why take the chance when studies show that the rate of SIDS dropped more than 50% since the back-to-sleep campaign started? I haven’t seen any stats showing the rate of SIDS cases with babies sleeping on their backs verses stomach without cushy bedding, So I can’t say without doubt that putting a baby on their back to sleep is overkill.
The same commenter said, “Another thing about back to sleep- it gets taken too far. After a while, when even the most paranoid mother thinks it’s “safe” to let their baby nap on their tummy the baby is used to sleeping on their back and prefers it. Take a look around the next time you’re around a group of toddlers and babies…. there’s a lot of kids with flat and misshapen heads nowadays. I even know a woman who had to get a helmet to reshape the baby’s head b/c of this. It’s ridiculous.”
First I’d like to say that I’d rather have a baby with a misshapen head than risk having a dead one, but that’s just me. I’m odd that way. I’ll agree that in reading the comments of others, some people appear to take it too far. I was told that once a baby rolls from back to front at night it’s fine to leave them that way. I’ve never woken my child for sleeping in a different position than the one I laid them down in (see my comments on Myth 7).
Many people keep their kids in strollers and car seats in addition to sleeping on their back and *maybe* don’t allow enough daytime “tummy-time”. That can cause the flat heads. For the helmet child, I believe that is from a genetic trait highlighted by following the back-to-sleep program and it doesn’t mean that the parents took the back-to-sleep too far or kept the baby in car seats or strollers all the time. The child would probably have a perfectly round head if he or she had slept on his/her tummy, however, again, I personally would rather risk a misshapen head than risk having a dead baby. Odd, I know.
Other information on SIDS:
Study: Babies’ low serotonin levels cause SIDS
12. Myth: Putting rice cereal in your infant’s bottle will help him sleep.
In the article they say not to do that for babies under four months because they’re more likely to be worse sleepers. I don’t know how any of that can even be measured. Both of my kids were breastfed only for the first four months. From birth, Sophia only ever woke up once or twice at night. Lukas wakes up anywhere from three to seven times a night even now at ten months. At my son’s four-month baby wellness checkup the doctor suggested we give him some rice cereal before bedtime. It didn’t help him sleep, but his sleep pattern isn’t any worse than it was before.
They also say in the article that feeding before four months has been linked to increased obesity later in life. Seriously? Tell that to the older and thinner generation that, as babies, were fed solids much sooner than we’re doing for the current generation. I’m guessing it has a lot more to do with how the whole family deals with eating and if food and eating are a constant topic at home, as in everything revolves around food. I swear they make child rearing seem like an exact science. If it were, and each misstep had lasting affects into adulthood we’d all be fucked. Each. And. Everyone. Of. Us.
13. Myth: It’s critical to keep your baby on a strict feeding schedule.
Seriously? Wow. You know, if someone were to hand me assvice like this I like this one I’d ask…and how do you think people kept such a schedule prior to the invention of the clock? I mean if it’s “critical” to regiment the schedule of an infant it would have had to be done even in times prior to everyone having a wristwatch or wall clock. I’ll just feed by the demand of the baby, thanks.
A commenter to the article that said babies with jaundice need a strict feeding schedule. I’d like to call bullshit to that one as well. I’ve had two babies with jaundice. They were both fed by their own demand. If a baby has jaundice it’s important to make sure they’re eating well so that the liver can do it’s job and process the bilirubin, but not necessary to set a timer. (Assuming the baby’s doctor hasn’t prescribed lights or given other instruction)
14. Myth: Infants need hard-soled shoes to protect their delicate toes and keep their feet properly aligned.
Much like the previous myth (number 13)…What do you think humans do prior to the invention of the shoe? If we needed hard-soled shoes to keep our feet properly aligned, I don’t think we would all be born with bendy feet and monkey toes.
Picture taken 9/26/2011. Poor girl inherited her father's "Cheese Man" smile.
