Baby Sophia is home

I’m typing this one handed cause she’s sleeping on my chest right now. Sophia was born at 1:09 pm on September 25, 2007. She weights a hefty 9 pounds and measures 21 inches. I’ll post some pictures soon and will describe the “blessed event”, as Kurt kept calling it prior to said event, when I get a chance.

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Nursery Water

I’ve seen this at Babies “R” Us and today I just saw it today at another store. My first thought goes to the name – I know what kind of liquids come from a baby nursery and I want nothing to do with any of them much less buy some of it bottled. My next thought is other than for convenience if your camping or something like that – why the hell are we buying bottled water? We already have to pay for tap. Just use that. It’s the same stuff I promise. Unless you live in a third world country or came from the same town in Alaska that I did where city water smelled like rotten eggs and actually had visibly brown sediment your tap water is at least as good as the bottled stuff.

Back to “Nursery Water”. At the store I saw this brand in it cost about 30 cents more than the surrounding brands. The marketing on the web site of this brand says, “Our water goes through an extensive process of steam distillation” – fancy huh? All that means is it’s distilled. Ok, distilled water usually costs more because something is actually being done to it, but is that really necessary? If you just boil water that will get rid of any bacteria. Distillation gets rid of bacteria and any minerals – What the fuck minuscule trace mineral are you afraid your baby might come into contact with? The marketing team at Nursery Water goes on to say, “We even add minerals such as magnesium, potassium, and calcium for a refreshing taste your child will love!” If you take just one second to read the nutrition label on the bottle none of those things even register as a percentage of the daily recommended allowance, so anything they add to it is so little it’s basically ZERO and they might as well not bother. It’s water – there is no fucking flavor! “Specially formulated to contain the ADA recommended level of added fluoride” The tap water in most communities has fluoride and so do some other bottled waters.

From the EPA:

Bottled water is not necessarily safer than your tap water. EPA sets standards for tap water provided by public water systems; the Food and Drug Administration sets bottled water standards based on EPA’s tap water standards.

From the FDA regarding formula preparation using tap water:

In most cases, it’s safe to mix formula using ordinary cold tap water that’s brought to a boil and then boiled for one minute and cooled. According to the World Health Organization, recent studies suggest that mixing powdered formula with water at a temperature of at least 70°C (158°F) creates a high probability that the formula will not contain the bacterium Enterobacter sakazakii—a rare cause of bloodstream and central nervous system infections. Remember that formula made with hot water needs to be cooled quickly to body temperature—about 98°F—if it is being fed to the baby immediately. If the formula is not being fed immediately, refrigerate it right away and keep refrigerated until feeding.

From the FDA regarding formula preparation using Bottled water:

If consumers use non-sterile bottled water for formula preparation, they should follow the same directions as described for tap water above. Some companies sell bottled water that is marketed for infants and for use in mixing with infant formula. This bottled water is required to meet general FDA quality requirements for bottled water. If the bottled water is not sterile, the label must also indicate this. Water that is marketed by the manufacturer as sterile and for infants must meet FDA’s general requirements for commercial sterility.

By the way – Nursery Water does not meet the FDA’s requirements for commercial sterility they even say so on the FAQ section of their website, which means that according to the FDA you’re supposed to boil it anyway.

Why am I picking on this brand? Because when I passed by it in the store today I thought it’s stupid to market water just for babies, so I wanted to know more because I apparently enjoy torturing myself. It’s just water, and that particular zero calorie beverage doesn’t need to be any different for a baby than for an adult. Then I saw on the label, “specially formulated for babies” and I flew into rant mode. I know that those words tickle the guilt-ridden heartstrings of new moms and I have something very blunt to say about that. I will make no apology for the following sentiments – anyone who purchases this brand of water because they truly believe that it’s not only better for their baby than tap water but because they also think water can actually be “specially formulated for babies”, is fucked in the head. It’s water you stupid drone! You are the reason there are isles and isles of useless crap in stores that prevent me from finding something as simple as a replacement for my broken vegetable steamer basket because there are apparently so many of you out there buying this useless shit that stores don’t bother with actual merchandise. I went to Target, Fred Meyer, and K-Mart looking for one and finally found it at Safeway. I bought two of them!

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Sure signs of pregnancy

As if I needed more proof of pregnancy, the top ten signs of third trimester pregnancy…

  1. People treat you as if you have a special condition.
  2. Everyone asks you for “belly pictures”.
  3. Your stomach is so bulbous that if you were a kitten or puppy you would be treated for worms.
  4. Even if you stared out looking like a beanpole and wore a size ten shoe, you can’t see your feet
  5. Your belly randomly shifts from a “cute” round basketball to a square box complete with pokey corners at least five times a day.
  6. If everything is going well and your baby has shifted to the proper “ready” position your cervix becomes a trampoline that is only used when you’re trying to sleep.
  7. Your hips don’t crack where your legs attach anymore, but instead crack where they attach to your back. You also crack in the front, which is quite a “unique” feeling.
  8. Now that your almost done people skip the “oh you’re pregnant, congratulations” stuff and go right into how you should care for your baby and “the best” way to raise your child.
  9. You begin to leak from places you never had to worry about leaking before, ever!
  10. And the number one sign you’re in your third trimester of pregnancy that lead me to create this list is…

  11. You go downstairs to get your purse in order to obtain your credit card and finish an online transaction, but you come back with a plate of Oreo Cookies and a glass of milk completely forgetting the reason you made the trek in the first place.

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Eight days

I’m eight days away from my due date and of course everyone is asking how I’m doing…

I’ve been doing ok. My heartburn isn’t as bad as it was a few weeks ago, but I think I’ve finally reached that, “GET THIS THING OUT OF ME!” stage. I’m having a hard time sleeping because just to turn over at night requires me to wake up, sit up a bit, turn over, and readjust pillows – and then I have to go pee! Getting up and laying down causes me to crack in places I never new could crack, and Sophia has this lovely habit of kicking me in the ribs and bouncing off my cervix like it’s a trampoline. It’s really getting annoying! I’m so ready for the “blessed event” as Kurt keeps calling it.

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Bonding with the fetus

In our newborn care class one of the first topics the instructor went over was bonding with baby and she asked about ways that we’re currently bonding with our babies while still in the womb. I started to snicker. The facilitator looked at Kurt and I. I piped up with, “zerburts and poking at the belly” (zerburts are also known as raspberries). What I didn’t mention was Kurt cupping his hands around my belly nearly every morning and yelling into my belly button. “Sophia, this is your father.” Think of Star Wars and the “Luke I’m your father” line. That’s the tone Kurt takes on. This morning Sophia kicked at his hand when he asked if she was awake. Yep, guess so.

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Big bellied lobsters

Years ago after Kurt and I watched the episode of friends together where Phoebe talks about her “lobster theory” Kurt started to call me his lobster. And he really gets irritated if I don’t mimic the claw thing Phoebe did by taking my index finger and thumb and lock it with his.

Phoebe: Hang in there, it’s gonna happen.
Ross: What? Okay, now how do you know that?
Phoebe: Because she’s your lobster.
Chandler: Oh, she’s goin’ somewhere.
Phoebe: Come on, you guys. It’s a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life. You know what? You can actually see old lobster couples walkin’ around their tank, you know, holding claws like…

This morning he was teasing me about something. I was really too tired to care which of the many things he was teasing me about, but as usual I told him I hated him. He gave his usual reply, “You LOVE me! I’m your lobster.” Then he goes on to say that I’m his lobster and I wondered out loud, “Do lobsters ever get big bellies that hang outside their shell a little?” Big fat lobsters.

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Embarrassing moments

On Friday, I went out to lunch with a friend/coworker and when we got back, I of course had to use the facilities. Upon drying my hands, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I noticed a small stain on my shirt. Oh, that’s not a stain, it’s wet. There was a wet spot on my shirt. A wet spot right where my left nipple likes to sit. I guess this is where v-necks come in handy because it made it easy to check. Did it really – yep that’s where I thought that pesky wet spot came from.

I went over to my friend’s cube to tell her. “Oh, I thought you just spilled something.” she said innocently. She’s really good at the innocent part.

“What?!? You knew and didn’t say anything?” People dribble down the center of their shirts. They don’t dribble directly onto the end of a nipple – that takes aim.

I went back to my cube and put on a fleece even though I was hot. Zipped it all the way up just to make sure nothing popped out to say hello.

I had actually leaked a bit from the same side a couple days prior in the safety of my own home, but I wrote that off because I had been laying on my side in such a way I thought I had squeezed it out.

Now like a thirteen year old I stuff my bra before heading out into public. And every time I go to the bathroom, I check the lines of my nursing pads to make sure no one can tell they’re there, which adds another flashback to being thirteen or fourteen all over again with the beginning of menstrual cycles. I think those of you who wore or still wear “feminine napkins” can relate to spinning around in the bathroom stalls at school trying to make sure that absolutely no one can tell you’re wearing a king sized mattress between your legs. You scoot it to the front, feel for lines. Scoot it to the back, spin around. Feel for lines in the back, spin around again. Hike you pants up high, pinch with your legs, let your pants go to their natural position, and spin around to check one last time. If you’re a guy reading this – THAT is what takes girls so long in the bathroom.

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Weekly appointment

I had my now weekly doctor appointment today. I’m down one pound from last week to 172 and the baby’s heart rate was up to the 140′s again today. I made a comment that it was up from before but the doctor said it was fine. My cervix is in the posterior position, has softened, and I’m 1 centimeter dilated. I’m not sure if “softened” and “effaced” are the same thing. I didn’t ask and he didn’t give an effaced percentage. Kurt had asked if it’s plus or minus two weeks from the due date and he told us that he won’t let me go out that far so anyone that guessed past October 4th on my baby pool have already lost the game.

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STOP Kicking ME!

Dear Sophia,

Yesterday you kicked, turned and twisted about all day long. I don’t mind this. It lets me know you’re still doing well in the tight quarters I have provided you free of charge for the past 38 weeks, however if you continue to kick me in the ribs and hit what feels like my cervix I’m going to have the doctor pull you out by the ears. Now knock it off!

Love, Mom

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