“What’s the special occasion?”
Dumbfounded he hesitantly said, “none”.
“I smell aftershave. You only shave on Sunday nights and it’s Wednesday.”
Laughing, “Tomorrow they’re taking pictures. I’m even going to wear my wedding tuxedo.”
“Did your boss tell you to not wear a t-shirt?”
“No, but he asked that I not wear a competitor’s shirt”
Flash Fiction Friday is hosted by g-man. You may also visit Flash Fiction Friday 55′s, a blog dedicated to hosting 55 Flash Fiction Friday posts.
Our lost marriage certificate was never found. I contacted the judge that performed the ceremony and he in turn contacted the vital records department to find out what to do. The judge received a new license application with our marriage license application number penned in on the top. He filled out his section, I picked it up at the courthouse, and Kurt and I filled out our section. The date used on the new form was to stay the same as the ceremony date and the judge asked that we approximate the date that we first applied for our marriage license on the applicable part of the form. Kurt being the anal retentive pack rat fastidious record keeper that he is looked up the receipt from three months ago and entered the EXACT date in which we filled out the application. We then hunted down our witnesses for their signatures.
Yesterday our adventure took us to the county courthouse. Actually, Sophia and I took a field trip to the vital records department. I walked up to the desk around eleven. There were two people processing the vital records line. Each of them finished with one person and the guy took the person in front of me. I was about the approach the lady when she indicated that the other person would help me. Ok, no big deal. Then she felt bad for some reason and took me before going on break. Because everything had been done according to the directions of the judge, I was confident that all was smooth sailing. Apparently it was an unusual ‘glass half full’ day for me because smooth wasn’t exactly how it went down. Sandpaper in place of toilet tissue, anyone?
I handed the woman behind the counter my newly completed form. The lady stared at the paper and then looked at me, “when was this completed?” she asked. Well, the judge signed this particular paper around the 16th or 17th, then I got my sticky little hands on it and filled out my section on the 20th or 21st. I don’t remember the date the first witness signed it since it was my husbands job to hunt him down but the second witness signed it on the 24th. Why? Isn’t that how this is supposed to work?
I actually explained that the original was lost and the judge had us fill out this new one. She looked at me as if I was crazy. This doesn’t have the header across the top. She looked at me for an explanation. At this point her coworker audibly apologized to her for having her take my case. Asshole. It’s not my fault this became complicated. “That’s the form the judge gave us to fill out.” Saying it felt a lot like using a stupid excuse on a grade school teacher. “But really, the dog did eat my homework.” She shot a look as if to say, “Really? You’re going to stick with the, ‘it’s lost’ story?”
She banged away at her keyboard and then sighed, “I don’t have access.” She told her coworker. He had finished with his customer and joined in with her. Both of them then got up, went in separate directions, and told two different people at the other end of the room. I could hear them say, “She lost her marriage license.” Goddamnit! I wanted to shout that I wasn’t the one that lost it. I don’t know who did, it could have been the judge, the lackey that he had mail it, the various postal workers that handle mail from his courthouse to this one, an internal mail sorter, or someone with in the vital statistics department. We won’t mention the last one to them it may make them cry. I refrained from proclaiming my innocents for fear of being cast in the next Jerry Seinfeld spin off “Mundane Mayhem”, or worse the next Jerry Springer show.
Another employee came up to the woman’s computer and punched some keys. She came back to the desk with the paper I handed to her. “Do you know where the original is?” Are you fuckin’ kidding me lady? If I knew where the original was don’t you think I would have handed it to you? Is there something about the way I look that makes her think I enjoy hanging out at the courthouse making people jump through hoops by telling them I lost a piece of paper that I paid $62 to obtain? I know I live in a podunk saw-toothed mouth-harp-playing hick-town but waiting in lines is still not a pastime I seek out. It really isn’t. Dumbass. I could be at home watching Clifford the Big Red Dog for chrissakes.
Keeping my face a stone like as possible so that my infamous sneer of disdain didn’t become too obvious I simply said, “uumm no”. She looked at me and sighed. Yep, I’m still sticking to my story. It was lost. She went to consult with yet another person and then came back again.
“Ok,” she said, “we’re going to do this for you.” Wow, I feel honored. Truly.
I don’t know why I assumed that there was a backup plan for when situations like this arise. Between all the marriages, divorces and remarriages I would think that someone in the history of the county has had their paperwork lost before. We had the judge call them and they sent him the paper and instructions. One would think that they would make some sort of notation on our file.
All worldly possessions dragged behind. In a tight dress and stilettos, she could barely balance even with momentum. On the way to our ceremony, we saw the lady of the evening walk away from the courthouse.
“She looks like she’s been ridden hard. Over and over again.”
“She probably just serviced the judge” said Kurt.
Flash Fiction Friday is hosted by g-man. You may also visit Flash Fiction Friday 55′s, a blog dedicated to hosting 55 Flash Fiction Friday posts.
Last night I took a quiz on Facebook that determines from which area of the US my American English accent derives by asking several pronunciation questions. One of the questions was, “How do the words ‘Merry,’ ‘Marry,’ and ‘Mary’ sound to you?” I didn’t have to think about it. I pronounce them all the same, but the meaning of one of them was totally lost to me. Mary is a name. I know that one. Merry is joy, happiness and usually precedes the word Christmas. Got that one, but what the hell is Marry? I made the god-awful mistake of asking Kurt. I should really know better because he’s NEVER going to let me live this one down. I spelled out the version of marry that confused me. He raised an eyebrow and looked at me as if I was from the same planet as Mork. He may have actually been gauging to see if I was testing him or really didn’t know, then he showed me the shiny new ring on his left hand. “You don’t KNOW?” Oh yeah. Marry, as in, I’m now married. I’m a dork, and I’m sure to make a lousy wife.
I know some are very surprised that we actually did the ring thing, but you’ll be relieved to know that we waited to the bitter end to decide if we wanted rings or not. I don’t know why I brought it up but a week or two before the date we set for our wedding day, our tenth anniversary, I asked Kurt if we should get rings. “Do you want rings?” he asked. “I don’t know.” I said. Part of me figured since we’re already going through the ceremony we might as well get the rings too and the other part wants to hang on to the rebellion and say, “Fuck you society! I’m not wearing a fuckin’ ring, deal with it!” But then I don’t want to spend the rest of my life explaining why we got married but don’t wear rings, even though we spent the last ten years explaining to people that it’s possible to have a baby without being married. It’s actually been done for hundreds, nay thousands of years. It’s not some recent scourge of society caused by television. It’s merely two people living together without the pre-approval of a church or government meddling, both of which result in nothing more but some paper signing. Does this magically cause women to ovulate differently and produce non-bastard eggs that will somehow fair better through life based on some mystical notion beyond societal pressures?
The morning of the day of our ceremony Kurt and I finally made our decision after going to a jewelry store. Even there we were both looking at each other, should we? Rings? No rings? The sales lady behind the counter asked us a few questions and looked somewhat disapprovingly at ME when we told her that we were getting married that day, as if I hadn’t done my job as a woman to pick out the rings with enough time. She didn’t seem to get that it was ok with me that the ring wouldn’t fit for the ceremony. Never mind nether of us knowing if we wanted rings, I frankly I didn’t want to get married at all.
Washington State in its infinite psychosis won’t grant homosexuals to marry, yet will grant them a domestic partnership which extents employer health benefits to their significant other but wont grant heterosexuals who don’t want to marry the same benefit unless:
No matter anymore, we’ve tied the knot. I sent out an email notice to our families and the majority of our friends with the subject titled, “Public Announcement”. I sent out Kurt’s watered down version of what I wanted to say.
We would like to inform you all that Kurt and I are getting married on the 25th of February (our ten year anniversary) so that I can continue to stay home with Sophia and still have health insurance. We aren’t doing any sort of ceremony. This will just be a document signing in front of a judge.
My version went like this:
Kurt and I are getting married on the 25th of February (our ten year anniversary) so that I can continue to stay home with Sophia and still have health insurance. We aren’t doing any sort of ceremony. This will just be a document signing in front of some judge. If you feel compelled be there to hold a gun to mine or Kurt’s back to insure we go through with it, or wish to harass the judge by listing the myriad of reasons why Kurt and I shouldn’t get married because it would undermine the sanctity of the whole institution, I’ll make sure to send you more details as we make arraignments.
Because we needed two witnesses, I also sent out another email for friends working close enough to the courthouse or on maternity leave to stop by and make their mark on our marriage paper.
We are required to provide two witnesses for our wedding ceremony (official paper signing), which will be on Wednesday February 25 at 4:30pm in *name of place that passes as a city*. We can have more people, but Kurt and I don’t want to make this too big a deal. Please let me know if you’d like to be our witness on the above stated Wednesday. You will have to sign an official looking paper with your real name (no aliases) and it will be recorded with *name of local county* with official looking seals (not the cute little furry animals, sorry).
Unfortunately the officiator will not be an Internet ordained *name of out-of-the-closet-but-not-in-a-gay-way atheist friend* doing a combination of Princess Bride and the episode of friends in which Joey recites the speech he wants to give at Monica and Chandler’s wedding because he said he wouldn’t be able to keep a straight face.
“Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam…”
“And wuv, tru wuv and the giving…and the caring.and the receiving and sharing of the loving kindness that will be given in such a caring and loving way with deference to the spirit of a loving, caring, sharing and giving relationship, will fowow you foweva…”
So we’ll have to settle for some stuffy Judge with the *local county* District Court.
Several people have told us we need to have a party to celebrate our ten obnoxiously long years together, but our house just isn’t big enough for that, and we’re doing this on a Wednesday.
After I sent out the we-won’t-have-a-party email Kurt decided that it would be fun to invite anyone that does come out to Buca di Beppo. That was a fun time fitting for a ten-year anniversary. As always, we told many stories and either referenced or retold some old ones.
One story that I haven’t written about previously is how Kurt received the nickname Terry. It’s a benign nickname, but I had to ask permission before posting it on the internet, so keep your pants on you might like this one.
Kurt and I were up in Canada for a motorcycle thing with a bunch of friends. We were in the narrow bathroom of our hotel room getting ready for the day. Both of us were nekkid and we passed each other butt to butt. That’s odd. I thought he was nekkid. I looked over at him and he was indeed nekkid. “What?” he asked. “It felt like you were wearing a towel.” I’m brutal, I know. Poor Kurtie. He was mortified, so much so that he told EVERYONE. And they laughed and dubbed him Terry. He’s an odd human. I wasn’t going to tell a soul.
By the way, our rings are inscribed with, “Kurt is my lobster”, and “Erica is my lobster”. We thought about inscribing angry messages like, “Society made us do it” or have it reference Lord of the Rings, “One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them, one ring to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them.” We were limited to about 15 to 20 characters so the latter was right out. We settled on something that reflected our ten years together instead of our forced conformity, except that I sent Kurt out to have them inscribed without me and he forgot to have the date of our first date included. *sigh*
I didn’t want to do it, not because I wasn’t sure he’s the one nor for fear of commitment. We’ve been together longer than many of our friends. We’re committed to each other in every way but on paper, so why bother with the formality? Two words, health insurance. Happy tenth anniversary to my lobster!
Flash Fiction Friday is hosted by g-man. You may also visit Flash Fiction Friday 55′s, a blog dedicated to hosting 55 Flash Fiction Friday posts.
We went to the county courthouse on Friday to the licensing section of the administration building.
Me: We would like to get a marriage license.
Lady: Will you be getting married within 60 days?
Kurt: Yes, we want to get married before she’s born (pointing at Sophia).
Both ladies at the counter had an understandably confused looks on their faces. One of them stood up slightly to see over the counter to check how pregnant I am. I’m not. I stood there with a smirk on my face and shaking my head. They finally got it. Kurt’s just an ass.
Kurt: What, can’t you postdate it?
Lady (laughing): No, it doesn’t work that way.
She handed us a paper to print our names on, then as she handed us the forms to fill out she asked us to hold up our right hands. Kurt, holding Sophia, also held up her hand for her.
Lady: Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth so help you God?
Kurt answered yes without flinching and later told me he didn’t even hear the “so help you God” part. I however grimaced and answered, “Sure”, then under my breath, “whatever”. *gratuitous eye roll*
May the Invisible Pink Unicorn strike me down should I ever tell a lie.
Because of how the health care industry is rigged up here in the U.S. where insurance is doled out by employers or can be purchased at an exorbitant rate and still requires copays and has coverage limitations since no insurance company wants to actually pay out in the event that someone comes down with something as expensive as cancer, Kurt and I are getting married. Romantic isn’t it? No, I don’t have cancer, but I do need health insurance.
I don’t recall ever saying I would never get married, but since I had a job with benefits and never intended to be a stay at home mom, we never planned on getting married. There was also my ex-husband, who continues to be a royal pain in my ass. He has finally put HIS house that’s still in MY name up for sale. Only it’s the worst fucking market EVER, he refuses to list it with an actual real estate agent, and he’s put so much money into the dump that he believes it’s worth more than it is. Oh, and he has lost his “job” so now I’m watching my credit report like a hawk. Six dings so far on my credit so far. Bastard!
I know I’ve been slacking on the blog, but we’ve had quite a bit going on lately. Last week Kurt and I went to go see a lawyer about his paternal rights since we aren’t married. I find it disturbing that if a couple is married it’s just assumed that the baby belongs to the husband and his name is automatically on the birth certificate (maybe I just paid too much attention in the Navy to the hordes of wives at the bar when the squadrons were out to sea). In our case we have to fill out a paternity affidavit stating that he’s the father before his name can appear on the birth certificate. According to our lawyer we also have to do what is equivalent to the reverse of the parenting plan one would do for a divorce just to ensure that Kurt can legally take our daughter to the doctor and pick her up at school/daycare without me. I guess having his name on the birth certificate isn’t enough.
A couple days after our visit to the lawyer one of our many pregnant friends was sent to the hospital for bed rest so that the doctors can stop her contractions. At the time she was 31 weeks along with twins. Apparently her body thinks the babies are ready to come out – so far the doctors have been able to convince her body otherwise. Unfortunately she missed her own baby shower that was on Saturday. 
Hang in there M! Maybe we’ll wind up delivering together.
On Friday I had a doctor appointment, and I have another one this week (later today). As of last Friday I weigh in at 171 pounds and the baby has rotated to the head down – ready for birthing position. And her heart rate has slowed from the 140′s to 130′s – a good sign that she’s maturing properly. 
I finally gave the doctor a copy of my birth plan. He said it was a great birth plan and that I should be a stand-up comedian. He also said that he and the nurses will make sure to stay clear of my hands. The only comments he had (other than the humor) was that the oral vitamin K that I would prefer doesn’t work. I had found a couple of sites that mentioned babies being more prone to childhood Leukemia after the vitamin K shots, but because they weren’t official scientific sites that I would give absolute trust I didn’t bring up that question. I had made my decision just because those sites raised the question and because oral drops seem a lot friendlier than shots.
The eye goop they put on newborns isn’t optional in Washington State. Apparently all doctors and midwives must administer the eye drops which are an antibiotic that help reduce the occurrence of blindness due to picking up bacteria and viruses on the way out of the birth canal (specifically gonorrhea and chlamydia). The odd thing to me is they do this even if the baby was born via cesarean. Anyway they don’t use Silver Nitrate any longer so it doesn’t burn or irritate quite so much.
The last thing the doctor commented on was the Hepatitis B vaccination. They no longer use vaccinations that contain thimerosal/mercury.
Woman alleges she was fired for cohabitation
Virginia DeLeon
Staff writer
August 9, 2007A former Huntwood Industries employee is suing the company, alleging she lost her job because her boss disapproved of the fact that she was an unmarried woman living with her boyfriend.
OH my! Watch out for locust falling from the sky. The end of the world is coming when you stop judging the personal lives of your employees. Doesn’t it say something in the bible (since the US is about 80% Christian I’m just assuming they follow some form of that bible) about casting the first stone – how does that one go again?
In a lawsuit recently filed in Spokane County Superior Court, Alisha Blimka, of Spokane, claims she was singled out almost two years ago because of her marital status and because she did not share her employers’ religious beliefs.
Huntwood President Tim Hunt said he had yet to see the lawsuit Wednesday, but stressed that his company would never mistreat its employees. “I can tell you emphatically that we don’t discriminate,” he said. “But it doesn’t keep people from wanting to sue us.”
You know uumm suing one’s employer isn’t exactly an everyday occurrence, especially when you only have 750 employees. Usually if someone is going to take that step – something happened and they have the documentation to prove it.
One of the Spokane area’s largest manufacturers, Huntwood Industries is a wood-manufacturing company with about 750 workers. Last fall, the Liberty Lake company laid off roughly 100 workers as a result of a national downturn in the wood products market.
Excuse me, but what does that have to do with the lawsuit? Last fall was 2006. This woman was fired in fall of 2005.
Blimka, who worked in Huntwood’s payroll department, lost her job on Oct. 17, 2005. According to the lawsuit, she received a “personnel action notice” signed by supervisor Darrick Hunt in March 2005 stating that she would be discharged “if not married by 12/31/05.” A copy of the notice was included in the court filings. Hunt is the son of Huntwood owners Tim and Resa Hunt.
Ahh the paper trail. Good girl for keeping that one!
“We believe that as set forth in the complaint, the allegations of religious discrimination and marital status discrimination — a violation of Washington state law — is supported not only by our client’s testimony but also by the personnel action notice,” said Kammi Mencke, Blimka’s attorney. “It is our understanding that (Huntwood owners) Tim and Resa Hunt have a religious belief that does not support two people who are unmarried living together. … We believe Huntwood’s religious beliefs conflicted with Alisha’s.”
Mencke declined to answer questions about Blimka’s faith, stating only that Blimka had recently received a raise and good evaluations before her job was terminated.
I don’t understand why we even need to know Blimka’s faith. This isn’t or shouldn’t be a case of who follows which religion and whose religion is the correct one. This is about not medaling in an employee’s private life. It’s not an employer’s job to make sure it’s employees are following what they deem a righteous path. Blimka might even follow the same religion as the company owners but not follow the rules as strictly.
Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 prohibits employers with 14 or more employees from discriminating against individuals because of their religious beliefs or practices, according to the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. “Employees cannot be forced to participate — or not participate — in a religious activity as a condition of employment,” according to the act.
Woo!
In the past, Tim and Resa Hunt have publicly stated the importance of faith in how they view their roles as company owners. “We feel the Lord has placed a blessing on this company and allowed us to have a vision for it,” Resa Hunt told the newspaper in February 2006.
Vision it however you’d like, but there are these pesky things called antidiscrimination laws. Your own bible says it’s not up to you to judge others (again I’m assuming they’re some variation of Christian).
According to the lawsuit, Blimka started working at Huntwood in July 2004 and was asked about her religious beliefs by Huntwood owners and managers during the course of her employment. Blimka had worked in the company’s small payroll department, Mencke said, and people knew she was living with her boyfriend. It wasn’t clear, however, what led to the personnel action notice.
Being asked about my beliefs by the owners and managers would have made bells and whistles go off in my head. Not that it’s her fault for answering I mean a little bit of personal life always comes out at work especially if you become friends with coworkers outside of work. It’s known at my job that I’m not married. I don’t wear a ring and I always refer to Kurt as my boyfriend. – That’s right I’m pregnant and not married. And I have no intention of getting married either! – DEAL WITH IT!
When asked about Blimka’s response to the notice and why she didn’t immediately report it to the EEOC, Mencke responded: “I’m not at liberty to answer that.”
Now that’s something I’d like to know, but it’s an ongoing case – yadda yadda
The complaint also lists former Huntwood administrative assistant, Tracy Schneiderman of Spokane, as a plaintiff in the case.
After learning about what happened to her co-worker, Schneiderman told her boss, Ron Schutz, about Blimka’s personnel action notice. She also called attention to the working conditions at Huntwood’s production floor, where her husband, Stephen, was working, according to the complaint. She told him that employees in the production department were working long hours during the summer and early fall of 2005 but were not receiving their meal and rest periods, according to the lawsuit.
Tracy Schneiderman, who started working at Huntwood in July 2004, also lost her job on Oct. 17, 2005 — a week after talking to her supervisor about Blimka’s notice, according to Mencke. Until then, Schneiderman had received raises and good evaluations from her supervisors, Mencke said. The lawsuit claims she was the victim of retaliation.
Oh I hope Schneiderman has some kind of written documentation about that conversation (an email would be fantastic because it’s date stamped and everything) otherwise her specific case looks pretty weak.
Both Blimka and Schneiderman were told that they were “let go based on a reduction in force,” Mencke said. It was unclear, however, how many others lost their jobs that day.
How can that be unclear? Doesn’t the company keep records?
Schneiderman’s husband, Stephen Schneiderman, also lost his job, Mencke said, but the attorney didn’t know the date when he was laid off.
Although it’s been almost two years since Blimka and Tracy Schneiderman lost their jobs at Huntwood, the women filed their lawsuit only last month because they were waiting for the state Human Rights Commission to finish its investigation.
The commission found there was “not sufficient evidence that an unfair practice has occurred,” according to Mencke. Her clients, however, are proceeding with the lawsuit because “the personnel action notice is pretty clear on its face that she was to be terminated because she wasn’t married,” she said.
How could the Human Rights Commission come to that conclusion? Unless they found that the company fairly fires all unmarried cohabiters and the people that question such a ridicules practice, and they totally missed Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964. I mean the woman had a personnel action notice stating that if she wasn’t married by the end of the year she would be fired. How much more blantent can they be about it?
Today I read an article in the Everett Herald about the French birth rate going up.
French birth rate up to 2 per woman
The increase bucks the trend elsewhere in Europe, where populations are graying.By Pierre-Yves Roger
Associated Press
I have two major issues with this article. I’ll list them in the order in which they appear.
France had more babies in 2006 than in any year in the last quarter-century, the state statistics agency said Tuesday, capping a decade of rising fertility that has bucked Europe’s graying trend.
Rising fertility? Really? The actual fertility of the French people has gone up?
France’s fertility rate has been climbing steadily since 1996, Insee said, but it still has not passed 2.1 – considered what it takes to replace a population in developed countries. The rate in the United States is 2.1.
I just don’t like this meshing of the word fertility with birthrate four times in the same article. It makes it sound like they’re just recovering from radiation and are finally able to replenish their population. It’s irritating, but acceptable. The one thing that bugs the shit out of me is at a the bottom of this article that is all about the French birthrate going up – at the end of it the reporter feels compelled to state that,
The number of French marriages is continuing to decline as more French couples are choosing to form civil unions instead, Insee said.
What the fuck does that have to do with anything at all? Marriage is nothing more than a piece of paper. Paper doesn’t prevent conception. It would have to be pretty thick fucking paper to be used as birth control and I don’t want to think about the cuts it may produce. Seriously what the fuck does marriage have to do with the birth rate in France?
