Brian Williams MasterCard Sellout

So many classes peeked my interest when I started going to college. I probably took a year’s worth of classes before I figured out what I even wanted to be when I got around to growing up. One of those extra classes that had absolutely nothing to do with my ultimate goal but have forever been thankful I took was called, “Mass Media”. It was linked with a required English class, so even if I hadn’t found it so useful the other half was pointing me in the direction of a degree.

That class taught me to see behind the theatrics of televised news, to question statistics, take notice of the verbiage used, and pay attention to the time allotted to each news story. All of those things used to push an opinion onto the viewer.

I rarely watch the news anymore. I prefer to read it. It allows me to determine what news is important and how much time I want to spend on a given topic. In addition, seeing the words allows me to mentally circle any slanted language and not be so easily suckered into frivolously taking a side or even accepting that the story presented qualifies as news.

A piece that aired on October 27th 2011 about aspirin made Brian Williams lose all credibility.

A bottle of generic Aspirin – $4.29

Medical research – Tens of billions of dollars

A household item that could prevent a range of illnesses…

Priceless

aspirin reduces cancer risk

I don’t want news that is an extension to a MasterCard commercial. I don’t find it cute. It’s silly to try and make the news “hip”. I don’t want to be entertained by the news. I turn to the news for facts. I know I’m asking too much though, because the news is tightly controlled. It took two weeks before the major news began showing the Wall Street protests that began on September 17th.

On the other hand, the conspiracy theorist in me wonders if Brian Williams bit about aspirin being priceless was a message from the big corporations. Was that actually a big Fuck You from WallStreet to the protesters? The major corporations’ way of saying, “Here’s your fuckin’ healthcare.” Just a thought. Just let it fester in your head for a little while.

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Moments of As Good As it Gets Motherhood

“NO! He’s touching it! He’s touching it!” She shrieks.

“What?”

“That!”

“I’m not in the room I can’t see. You need to say what that is.”

“That! That!”

“What?”

“My grocery cart.”

I go to look. He’s across the room from Sophia and the cart. Lukas isn’t even heading in that direction. He’s looking at her, confused by the shrieking. I walk away.

That mom moment in time is brought to you by Van Morrison and Lays Potato Chips, “There will be days you wish you’d stopped at one” and by the number Two.

The same day, moments later, I turn on Dinosaur Train for Sophia and tell her I’m going to take a shower. I take Lukas up to the bathroom with me. I bring some of his toys and a baby gate. Set him all up I leave the bathroom door open, and put the baby gate up in the doorway incase Sophia needs something I don’t have to worry about her leaving the bathroom door open for Lukas to discover the joys of gravity rolling him down a flight of stairs.
I turn on the water and wait for it to warm up. Lukas happily plays with his toys. I enter the shower, close the door and Lukas spontaneously erupts into tears because I’ve vanished into thin yet somewhat humid air. Forget it. It’s been three days. I need a shower. Seriously.

Then I hear Sophia. She can’t open the baby gate, but I could hear her either try to open it or lean on it. “It’s ok Lukas. It’s ok.” She says. My four-year-old came all the way upstairs while one of her favorite shows was playing downstairs just to try to calm her brother. He was quiet for a moment. He started up again, I assume, when she left to watch her show again. It didn’t work, but it was an effort much appreciated.

And now I’m tearing up just writing about it. OHGODDAMNIT! Do you know how hard it is to see this screen through tears?

Lukas

Sophia
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55 Flash non-Fiction Friday: Random BJ, Selection Morality

Schweddy Balls‘, juvenile humor, hits their radar. Their complaint states disapproval of “Hubby Hubby” (a tribute to gay marriage).  But they make no mention of ‘Karamel Sutra’, which I did find at the store. Maybe the original “Sex for Dummies” guide could help them overcome fear of ‘Schweddy Balls’.  It’s only ice cream after all.

BJ's Karamel Sutra

55 Flash Fiction Friday

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Wise Old…Crow?

Years ago, I lived in a tiny shack of a cabin. It was part of a cluster of tiny cabins that had been built in the 1930’s or 40’s as summer cottages. Each cabin was on a concrete slab and was made of cement and chicken wire. I know this because the cement was falling off the sides faster than the rental manager could paint over it and the chicken wire was showing through.

The concrete slab that my tiny “summer cottage” rested on was cracked. Every time it rained, and this was in the Seattle area, water came up through the crack. If the carpet wasn’t still saturated from the previous rainy day it absorbed the water. That place smelled FANTASTIC.

Aside from it being the second cheapest place to rent on all of Whidbey Island, the one plus was the huge picture window that only my cabin had. Situated next to a two-lane street that hugged Puget Sound and overlooked Penn Cove. I had a one of a kind view.

In the spring and summer, I watched sailboats galore, seabirds, beachfront, and waves. It was spectacular. But the one thing I loved watching the most were the crazy crows.

crow

For a while I thought what they were doing was accidental or just birds being messy pests, but one day when I really stopped to watch I realized something amazing about them. I watched those cunning crows pick muscles from the rocks on the beach, purposely drop them on the road, wait for a car to run the muscles over, and then snack on the muscle meat. Those are some clever birds!

Those ever so lovely “summer cottages” were demolished about a year or two after I moved out.

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Flying Against The Seat

No, not the swings! Anything but the swings! Don’t take the swings away. I remember a set of swings in the back corner of the old elementary school I attended in Alaska.

Dear Free-Range Kids: The risk adversity in the U.S. is out of control. I just read about the CPSC recalling 7 million candle holders because there was a single incident of one (one!!) melting.

This comes on the heels of a discussion we had at our Parks Board last week where the playground designer came in to talk about the safety of playground equipment. The gist of it was: there is such a permeating fear of lawsuits and the Consumer Product Safety Commission (CSPC) that playgrounds are required to be as generic as possible, lest a lawsuit occur. There was great discussion about the $600 test each playground inspector must take every three years to be certified to be able to even inspect a playground, and the number of people we have employed just to complete inspections on the equipment in our city alone. Each playground is inspected every 3-6 months: every screw and nut is examined, along with the width of all the poles, and evidence of settling, protrusions, wear, etc. It takes several hours to inspect one playground thoroughly and completely.

Swings are still allowed, but the CPSC rules –”which are treated as law” — are so stringent on how and where they’re installed, it’s almost not worth putting them in. It was so sad to listen to how the paranoia that has determined how playgrounds will be built, resulting in homogeneous, boring play zones for kids.

I was in the fourth grade. The elementary school I went was so old that it was closed a year or two after. There were a set of swings in the very back corner of the playground that my friends and I loved. The chains on these swings were longer than on others. We would lean into the seats of the swings with our stomach/ or chest, go to opposite corners of the swing set, and then we run in a circle causing the chains to twist. The result would send one or both of us flying against our seat and in some cases nearly hitting our back on the horizontal bar from which the swings hung. MYGOD what fun!

One afternoon, my wife and I took a drive around town to tour the various preschools. It was Sunday, so they were all closed. All we could do was check out the playgrounds. And that’s when we noticed something unusual.

“These playgrounds all suck,” my wife said.

She was right. Compared to the glorious expanse of fun our daughter had grown accustomed to at her preschool in upstate New York, these Jersey playgrounds were downright pathetic: small, cramped, and devoid of any remotely interesting equipment. They looked more like pens for dogs than playgrounds for kids.

And then we realized, simultaneously, what was missing: “No swings!

I don’t think there are any swings in the play area for the preschoolers where Sophia goes either. Luckily I take her to other playgrounds on a regular basis and she knows the joys of swinging. I have yet to find a set of swings like the ones in that old playground in Alaska. They probably don’t exist anymore, but if I find any I’ll surly teach Sophia and Lukas how to fly on the swings!

Kurt and Sophia on the swings

Picture taken 9/20/2011. Kurt and Sophia on the swings at the Puyallup Fair.

Wave to the camera

Woo! Swinging!

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Million Humorless Moms Perusing Narrow-mindedness

In 1998 Alec Baldwin was featured in a Saturday Night Live, NPR spoof skit. He played baker Pete Schweddy, the owner of a holiday bakery called Season’s Eatings. “There are lots of great treats this time of year,” Schweddy says. “Zucchini bread, fruitcake, but the thing I most like to bring out at this time of the year are my balls.” He promises, “No one can resist my Schweddy balls.”

Ben & Jerry’s now have Schweddy Balls ice cream, which was an instant success the moment it was announced. Now some supermarket chains are blacklisting the Saturday Night Live inspired ice cream flavor. The ice cream flavor features fudge-covered rum and malt balls, which are more offensive than any other chocolate covered ball to conservative organizations like One Million Moms simply because of the name.

Ben & Jerry’s announced their newest ice cream flavor which sounds anything but appealing. Schweddy Balls is the best they could come up with. The vulgar new flavor has turned something as innocent as ice cream into something repulsive. Not exactly what you want a child asking for at the supermarket.

I think it’s pretty damn funny and I’m hoping I can find it at my grocery store. I’ll even stop at a few different stores just to find it. I’m going make sure to bring my kids with me too.

If while rolling the cart down the ice cream aisle my four year old actually picks out that ONE particular ice cream and says it by name I will be truly amazed. AMAZED I tell you. If she can do that, I’ll know that these One Million Moms aren’t just wasting their time wringing their hands and foaming at the mouth of every ad that isn’t praising their lord, because anything less than that is simply vile. I’ll personally write them a letter thanking them for their public service of saving all the children from Schweddy Balls ice cream. Really, I promise.

That Mississippi-based moms organization has been putting the heat on retailers to keep Schweddy Balls out of their freezers and encouraging parents to ask the Vermont-based Ben & Jerry’s to stop production of the item, saying the name is nothing but locker room humor that’s not appropriate for young children.

If a “young child” has seen the Saturday Night Live skit and understands it then they aren’t so young and it’s still just ice cream. Seriously. Get a grip. Perhaps members of One Million Moms and other conservative groups tried speaking with their children and spending time with them trivial things like Schweddy Balls ice cream wouldn’t matter. I didn’t even know about it until a friend sent me a link about this otherwise non-issue.

Judging by the list of things the One Million Moms group is protesting I’m betting most conversations go something like this, “Hey mom can you take me to the park?” “Sorry honey I can’t I’m too busy pushing my own morals down the throats of other people and their children because I can’t be bothered to learn where the off button is on our TV.”

Ben and Jerrys Schweddy Balls

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Texas, Always Striving to put Education First

I’m sure Rick Perry doesn’t directly have much to do with the Texas educational system, but when the governor brags about the number of jobs created in his state without indication that they’re minimum wage jobs, and then I read about Texas universities cutting undergraduate Physics programs…It’s a George Carlin rant unfolding before our very eyes. Sustain the American Dream; you too can be rich if you just work hard enough. However, they aren’t going to put money into education because they only want people smart enough to operate the machines.

If any proof that college is only there as a money-making business look no further. the Texas Higher Education Coordinating Board, which oversees 24 public universities is taking the axe to the physics programs of seven of their universities due to low numbers of graduates. I guess it’s just easier to throw in the towel than to try to recruit students to those programs.

Physics programs at Midwestern State, Prairie View A&M, Tarleton State, Texas Southern, University of Texas-Brownsville and West Texas A&M are all losing their undergraduate physics programs. Current students can finish out their degree, while no new physics students can be accepted. Texas A&M Commerce, the University of Texas-Pan American and Texas Tech are all on two-year probation.

Odd how in the first sentence in that paragraph it states that the undergraduate physics programs of the listed colleges will be cut, but in the last line it’s stated that three of the same colleges are only on a two-year probation. Which is it?

“This is something that has been an ongoing effort at the coordinating board–to look at low producing programs,” Stephenson said. “One of the challenges is how to allocate resources and make sure that students are getting the education that they need.”

Honestly, they aren’t getting the education they need if the answer is to cut a fundamental science track for budget reasons. It’s like cutting spelling out of English classes due to lack of interest.

Homescholers for Perry

I’m just sayin’.

All through the article it talks about “low producing programs” and that these are money saving cuts, but then…

Daniel Marble, an assistant professor at Tarleton State University, does not think that shutting down the programs will save the state much money. Though the physics and hydrology degrees at his school are being discontinued, there are no planned layoffs associated with the shutdown.

“There’s no savings whatsoever,” Marble said. “Their job is to kill programs.”

How is that saving money?

He said also that graduation numbers alone were not indicative of the health of the program. On the one hand he said that the physics program at his school has grown over the last few years and was set to graduate at least 5 students in 2012 and 2013. In addition Tarleton participated in a consortium with five other rural Texas schools where a professor would teach a class at his or her home institution, and that lesson would be telecast to the other schools. While all the schools shared in teaching the courses, students only graduated from one of the institutions, making graduation rates seem smaller than the number of students enrolled.

So they set up these special classes, which help students and saves the institution money but they still count the progress in the same way as any other program, by number of graduates at the individual institution? What group of knuckle dragging math incapable science haters is running this board?

Heather Galloway, director of the University Honors program at Texas State University San Marcos and a member of the APS Executive Board, said that she was worried about the effect that closing the programs would have on the state. Texas passed a law requiring that all high school students to take physics classes, starting in 2005. Galloway said she was worried that there would be fewer universities to produce high school physics teachers.

Considering Texas ranks 50th in number of adults with a high school diploma I’m guessing that finding any teachers at all might be difficult.

“At a time when we should be building capacity to produce physics teachers, we are cutting programs,” Galloway said. “There is a shortage of physics teachers and it’s not going to get better.”

I think The Big Bang Theory should write an episode about all this.

The only thing that doesn’t fit is that NASA, based out of Houston, which at last check was still in Texas, is recruiting anyone with an engineer, science or math related degree. The way they wrote it up it’s like they’re looking for anyone that has at one time or another thought about college. I can envision the interviews for that now. It’s like watching trains collide in slow motion.

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Remember, Remember the 5th of November

Remember, remember the 5th of November, the gun powder treason and plot. I know of no reason why the gun powder treason should ever be forgot.

Remember November the 5th

Eddie Colla created the Guy Fawkes imagery used by BANK TRANSFER DAY

In case you haven’t heard, this November 5th is Bank Transfer Day.

Why Was Bank Transfer Day Started?

The Durbin Amendment is an add-on to the Dodd–Frank Wall Street Reform and Consumer Protection Act (Public Law No. 111-203), signed into law by President Barack Obama on July 21, 2010. The Act allows the Federal Reserve to regulate debit card interchange fees of banks with over $10 billion in assets. Over the summer, the Fed released the final rule on the matter by limiting debit card interchange fees to a maximum of 21¢ per transaction.

In response, these corporate-level banks have decided that beginning early 2012 any consumer with less than $20,000 in combined accounts will be charged a monthly $3-5 fee if they use their debit card at any point during the month. This new fee clearly targets the impoverished & working class. After endless research, the organizer concluded that her money would be put to better use on the local level through not-for-profit credit unions.

  • With the Durbin Amendment in effect, banks will still make 19¢ profit per processed transaction [*1]
  • The average consumer uses his/her debit card 24 times per month [*2]
  • Without the additional fee, Bank of America stands to turn a $3,228,480,000 annual profit from its 59 million customers’ debit card transactions [*3]
  • Without the additional fee, Wells Fargo stands to turn a $2,626,560,000 annual profit from its 48 million customers’ debit card transactions [*4]
  • Without the additional fee, JP Morgan (Chase) stands to turn a $4,924,800,000 annual profit from its 90 million customers’ debit card transactions [*5]

Who’s behind Bank Transfer Day?
How do I join in?

  • Research your local credit union options
  • Open an account with the one that best suits your needs
  • Cancel all automatic withdrawals & deposits to your old bank account
  • Transfer your funds to the new account
  • Follow your bank’s procedures to close your account on or before 11/05
  • RSVP to http://tinyurl.com/nov-fifth
  • Spread the word!

Why credit unions?

There are a lot of videos out of people being arrested for trying to close their accounts. I want to encourage people to continue to go and close their accounts at these major banks, or I wouldn’t have posted this, so I want to emphasize the paragraph on the “how to join” section of the Bank Transfer Day page…

Bank Transfer Day encourages supporters to close their accounts just as they opened them– independently, with respect and without signage. When asked why you’re closing your account, feel free to be frank. Calmly communicating your reasons for closing your account are vastly different from causing a public disturbance. While we understand that many of you feel very strongly about this, please remember that the employees at your local bank branch have no control over the structure of their company. As banks are private property, signage or a group demonstration will likely result in your being asked to leave. If you refuse, you can be arrested for trespassing. Let’s keep this peaceful & legal!

  • Go Alone. Only bring the person/people you have a joint account with if necessary to close the account. Do not go with a huge group or mob.
  • Do not bring protest signs.
  • Close the account as unceremoniously as it was opened.
  • Don’t badger or belittle the employees. They aren’t the enemy. They just work there.

I just closed out my Chase account and have some advice for November 5 I wanted to share.
Breaking: 30 Citibank customers arrested for closing their account [With Citibank Statement Update]
NYC Citibank Occupation Arrests
#OccupyWallSt: 24 arrested at Citibank, closing their bank accounts
Occupy Santa Cruz – Bank of America refusing to close account

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55 Flash non-Fiction Friday: Gardening for Carnivorous Deer

“The deer are always at that field.”

“I wish they would come to our house.”

“There are plants you can use to attract them.”

“Yeah, I was looking at plants to attract hummingbirds. Do you think they would attract deer too?”

“I don’t know. Do deer eat hummingbirds?”

*glaring*

“Yes, carnivorous deer with huge teeth.”

deer in our yard

Picture taken 10/17/11.

55 Flash Fiction Friday

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