The day didn’t start well, but that’s not always the end all indicator of things to come. I’m on my toes and walking on egg shells almost all the time. Will this set her off? Will that?
Last week Sophia started swimming class at the preschooler level. She did really well especially considering she hasn’t ever met this particular instructor. She made Kurt hang out at the edge of the pool for the first half of the session, but then he left and sat by me on the bench closest to her. Sophia actually participated a little. She even let the teacher take her and swim around a little. Sophia seemed a little confused about the teacher being in charge and not me telling her what to do next. After each little song or activity Sophia would climb out of the pool and coming up to us for reassurance. We had to keep telling her to go listen to the teacher so she would know what was coming next, but I was happy. I think she took to the change very well.
It wasn’t the same yesterday. She didn’t want to get her swimsuit on before leaving for class. She didn’t want to get dressed, eat, put her shoes on, or get in the car. Each step was another struggle. We frequently have these mornings and there is always a chance the testy beginning won’t continue throughout the day. This was not one of those lucky days.
Once we arrived at the pool Sophia happily took off her clothes and waited for class to start, but then she didn’t want to go in the pool. Kurt and I had agreed the night before that after her swimming class we would go to IHOP as we did the week before, so I told Sophia, “If you get in and swim with the teacher you can have chocolate milk.”
“Choket miwk.” She said with a huge smile on her face. She turned and practically ran to the pool, but then stopped abruptly. Kurt finally somehow coxed her into the pool and then we again had the chore of trying to get her to stay there with the teacher. Each time it was her turn to kick around the pool the teacher would extend the offer and Sophia would refuse and climb out again. It was getting close to the end of class and Kurt asked the instructor to take Sophia for a short swim on her turn instead of waiting for her to warm up. That did not go well. She began crying and immediately climbed out of the pool.
We went to her and told her how great she did swimming with the teacher but she continued crying as if we weren’t even there. It’s all very normal for her to cry as if she’s in a whole other world apart from the rest of us. She doesn’t seek comfort from us at all when she’s in this state. All we can do is wait for it to be over.
We went to IHOP and Sophia not only got her chocolate milk but a large size one just like mom’s. Last week it took a lot of convincing that there was actually chocolate milk in the kid cup just like in mom’s glass, so we thought it would be easier if we just ordered the same thing for both of us. As usual, we were wrong. Nothing goes over smoothly not even treats. It’s really irritating and exhausting. Sophia began waving her hands and saying, “All done. Ready go now.”
After a while she calmed down and just sat there. Our food arrived; we offered her pancakes anything we knew she would eat. She didn’t want any of it. She mumbled something that we just couldn’t decode and as usual the harder we tried the more upset she became. I heard the word “wed” meaning “red” in one of her responses and thought maybe she was referring to the red crayon she was given with the kids coloring placemat. That wasn’t it. I followed her eyes and looked across the table from her at the only other red item. The ketchup, the condiments. You’ve got to be kidding me! Every single time we go out to eat she wants to arrange the condiments on the table, but she couldn’t reach them this time. I placed the ketchup, bowl of sugar packets, and the salt and pepper shakers in front of her. She arranged them all along with her crayons and folded place mat in her own specific order in front of her and then she could drink her chocolate milk. The chocolate milk meant as a fun and special treat.
Kurt and I exchanged looks and I just wanted to cry. I think I was perpetually holding back tears all day. You can’t tell me this is normal behavior for a three year old. I know everyone is different. Don’t fucking tell me we’re all different. I’m fine with different and even difficult. I don’t even mind a challenge but jesusfuckingchritalready this is so far beyond that. I’m perpetually on eggshells! I’ve only given a tiny appetizer of her quirks.
I have no worries that when she grows up she’ll be able to find a significant other that will love her quirks and all. She’ll have kids if she wants and if she chooses, a fantastic career in some heavily mathematical, science, engineering, or computer programming type field. But right now she’s driving me absolutely crazy!
Picture take 10/20/2010.
