Tag Archives: pregnancy

And Then We Knew It Was Really A Boy

Posted on by

I was still in my second trimester, but it was past the eighteenth week, which is when I had the do-you-want-to-know-the-gender ultrasound. We already knew the gender, but this lunch really confirmed it for us.

Kurt took me to a sub shop that he frequents for lunch during the week. I don’t remember if we had business in the area that weekend or if Kurt just thought that it would be a good place for me to try. I walked in the door not feeling particularly hungry. Not that they’re horrible but “sub shop” conjures images of Subway sandwiches, and that it simply didn’t sound like something I wanted right then.

I studied the menu, and hemmed, and hawed, which generally means I’m not very hungry. Kurt, knowing the menu, suggested something light like a veggie sub. That didn’t sound right to me. I scanned the menu and my eyes stuck on something I don’t think I had ever had anywhere before. It’s just not something I typically select. I dismissed it. No, that would be too filling. It sounded good, but no. I looked further and came right back to the item that first caught my attention. “I’ll have the Philly Cheese Steak.” I said.
Kurt was surprised, “Really?”

I nodded.

“Do you want the seven inch?”

“No, I want the fourteen.”

Kurt’s eyes got wide, “Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

I finished the last bite and licked the bit of cheese off the wrapper that escaped from when I still had a sandwich. Kurt just stared at me in shock, “Were you hungry?”

“I guess so,” I said as I became aware that I didn’t have a crumb left and Kurt had only begun the second half of his sandwich. “I guess The Boy wanted meat.”

Related posts:

55 Flash non-Fiction Friday: Family Planning

Posted on by

Family planning isn’t a euphemism for abortion. (If they cared so much for the unborn passing healthcare reform wouldn’t be so difficult.) That’s not all that Planned Parenthood does. If Republican’s are concerned with “welfare mothers” mooching off the government teat, why not fund the one organization helping to plan families when they’re financially secure.

it's about planned parenthood

55 Flash Fiction Friday

Flash Fiction Friday is hosted by g-man.

Related posts:

Boob fun for everyone

Posted on by

It may have been because Sophia was approaching the age in which kids begin to notice or point out differences in the bodies of boys and girls or the difference between themselves and mom and/or dad. If that’s the case it also happened to coincide with the part of my first trimester in which I actually have boobs and they temporarily stick out further than my belly. Sophia was obsessed with them. Ok, not really obsessed, but anytime she saw me come out of the shower she had to poke at them. “That’s mom’s boob.” I would tell her, or “boobs”, if she happened to point or poke at both.

One day as I showered with the bathroom door open I heard her and peeked around the curtain. “boobies, boobies, boobies!” She shouted as she ran circles up and around the bed carrying my bra. Lovely.
She also began trying to pull down my shirt, apparently to see if they were still there. I later learned that she was doing this to the neighbor who watches her for a few hours once a week. Once I was privy to that info I began telling Sophia not to push or poke mom’s boobs because they belong to mom.

A few days ago, Sophia was begging Kurt for, “ah jump da bed”. She likes to stand on the foot-board of our bed while one of us stands on the floor on the other side with our hands placed on the foot-board on either side of her. Sophia will push off our shoulders to land flat on her back on the bed or she’ll have us lightly push her. This particular time she wanted Kurt to push her, so he did. She then tells him, “No push bobbies!” Kurt was shocked and could not stop laughing. Boy is she going to be a disappointed teen when she discovers that she mostly likely has my boobless-except-during-pregnancy-or-breastfeeding genes.

Related posts:

55 Flash Fiction Friday: Pregnancy Brain

Posted on by

“He snapped his Achilles tendon playing softball.” Kurt said.

“Going to start teasing him about his age? Call him…oh who was that?…Not Hercules.”

Kurt raised his eyebrow, “Achilles.”

I buried my head in my hands knowing the torment about to come upon me.

“Who was the guy that died of Lou Gehrig’s disease?” He began.

Pregnant with baby boy

Picture taken 8/7/2010.

55 Flash Fiction Friday

Flash Fiction Friday is hosted by g-man. You may also visit Flash Fiction Friday 55′s, a blog dedicated to hosting 55 Flash Fiction Friday posts.

Related posts:

The Lemon Juice Test

Posted on by

I had a very stuffed up nose a couple weeks ago. I chalked it up to a cedar allergy since Kurt and I had been working in the yard that weekend. I was clearing all the cedar crap that has fallen in the last uumm six years. I don’t normally have any sort of allergy problem but this was the fourth time this year I had a “cold” but wasn’t really sick. All I had was a serial sneezes and a stuffy nose. This last time the stuffy nose just never went away. I was a mouth breather for quite a while. I even tried using a Neti Pot, which I imagine feels similar to water boarding. I kept sneezing and my sinuses clogged right up again within minutes.

A few friends on FaceBook told me that the Neti Pot only works after multiple times and was encouraged to give it another go. Kurt told me the Neti Pot only works when secrets are shouted out like, “Osama is in the cave!” I tried the second time and it merely resulted in my sneezing salt water until I couldn’t breathe, again. Is there a way to convert FaceBook friends to an enemy list?

I later learned that I am pregnant, and pregnancy hormones can cause mucus membranes to swell. It’s likely that my pregnancy made me more sensitive to the allergens and just made the whole thing a more miserable experience.

I was pretty sure I was pregnant without even taking a test. I wasn’t even very late. I mean I’ve gone longer between cycles without being pregnant or even thinking that it was a possibility. Why was I so sure *this* time? Lemon Juice. There simply wasn’t enough citrus in the house. I didn’t have any food cravings quite so early with my pregnancy with Sophia, and nothing quite so intense. At first I squeezed some lime juice on snacks that I normally eat with added citrus and salt, but that wasn’t enough. I soon ran out of real limes and had to switch to bottled “Real Lemon Juice”. I didn’t dilute it, unless adding salt is considered diluting, I simply poured it into a glass and drank it.

I looked up food cravings and found that only about ten percent of preggos share my mouth-puckering craving, and another site suggested, “adding a little lemon juice to fish in order to satiate the craving”. Clearly they don’t understand the meaning of “craving”, but Costco certainly does. Only Costco knows that one 48-ounce bottle of lemon juice just might not be enough, so they sell them in sets. I finished the first bottle in about three days and opened the second one. I think I finished about a quarter of it before the craving turned to total revulsion. I may need to throw out that second bottle as just looking at it makes my stomach turn.

Kurt watched in disgust as I downed a few glasses of lemon juice, “That can’t be good for you, do you know how much acid is in that?”

“Yes,” pointing to my glass, “about this much”.

Related posts:

Food, a potential choking hazard

Posted on by

Now they’ve gone and done it. Parents can’t possibly have the time to know about the latest and greatest proper way to serve a child under the age of fourteen a hot dog, so lets repackage them just for the kiddies and put huge warnings on them. Yes, apparently some five to thirteen year olds still require mommy to cut up their hot dog because they couldn’t be bothered to use those things in their mouth called TEETH. Granted, many seven year-olds have huge gaps between their teeth, but I’m sure they can still bite and chew a hot dog.

Doctors seek food labels on choke dangers

Thousands of U.S. children are treated each year — and 100 die — because of choking, and food is the leading cause.

Let’s be clear. That is the heading and subheading of the article. Within the article itself reads, “Of the 141 choking deaths in kids in 2006, 61 were food-related.” That’s 141 choking deaths of kids from birth to 14 years, and 61 in the ENTIRE country were due to food.

Doctors say high-risk foods, including hot dogs, raw carrots, grapes and apples — should be cut into pea-sized pieces for small children to reduce chances of choking. Some say other risky foods, including hard candies, popcorn, peanuts and marshmallows, shouldn’t be given to young children at all.

You mean everything that parents give as healthy snacks are a choking hazards. Wow, got it. Apples are the only thing on the first list that Sophia will even eat. I’ve NEVER cut them into pea-sized pieces, NEVER. I started by cutting them into wedges without the skin, then with the skin, and now she prefers grabbing a whole apple. She won’t eat the whole thing, but that’s how she wants it served. I’ve seen how normal toddlers eat, so I can see why someone would start out with tiny pieces, but that’s the point. If parents are allowed to use just a tiny bit of brainpower, they’ll figure it out. It doesn’t take much.

The second list explains why I would get such dirty looks from mothers my own age, but not from the grandmas at Sophia’s swim class. I *shock* gave her peanuts, cashews, and almonds to snack on after class. They don’t identify what ages qualify as ‘young children’, but I’ll wager that a two-year old is in that general range.

Federal law requires choking warning labels on certain toys including small balls, balloons and games with small parts. There should be a similar mandate for food, the pediatrics academy says.

We want products that make everything easier but have ZERO risk. Now Make it happen! You see, the fundamental difference between balloons and food is that food is supposed to go in the mouth. Food is supposed to be swallowed. And hot dogs *twitch* do in fact qualify as food, even though they smell like rancid ass and are the only meat that plump when they’re cooked. I’m just sayin’.

If The American Academy of Pediatrics gets their way and things like carrots are sold with warnings then you can count on me to march lockstep with them. That’s right I’ll totally back them on this, no joke. I’ll make sure to push my own requirement that all penises are labeled as a potential gagging hazard. I mean really, we don’t want anyone to cause themselves any discomfort. The warning shall read, “May transmit STDs including but not limited to HIV and herpes. Depending on use can be a potential gagging hazard or cause pregnancy.” Of course to be fair the vagina should also have a warning, and then extra warnings just for women concerning pregnancy, “The overall pregnancy-related mortality ratio was 11.8 deaths per 100,000 live births and ranged from 10.3 in 1991 to 13.2 in 1999.” Between 1991 and 1999 there was a range of 3,882,000 to 4,111,000 live births per year in the United States. The average comes out to 3,976,330, divide it by 100,000 and then multiply by 11.8 to get the average number of pregnancy-related mortalities of 469 a year.

Just think of it. If we can really use warnings to keep people away from things hazardous to their health like cigarettes then a warning like that over genitals ought to keep everyone a masturbating virgin until death. We won’t ever have to worry about children choking on another pseudo meat product ever again.

Related posts:

Collagen: Cure Stretch marks, Cellulite, and Wrinkles

Posted on by

Commercials and other age defying cures drive me batty, so I must inform that there isn’t a magic lotion or any other type of topical ointment cream, wrap or elixir that will give back the great young skin everyone wants. Stretch marks, cellulite and wrinkles are part of life. Grow up and old and just fucking accept that the enemy of imperfect skin is deteriorating collagen fibers.

Collagen is a protein in the connective tissue of animals (yes, humans are animals) that allows young skin to have its elasticity. Stretch marks are caused by gaining weight too fast for collagen cells to keep up. This is at cellular level people hence topical crap simply won’t cut it. The best way to avoid stretch marks is to not grow fast, which due to genetics maybe impossible at puberty (I have stretch marks on my knees from growing too fast as a kid). During pregnancy the growing parasite inside and your hormones, determine when you’re hungry and if the food is going to stay down. I was hungry ALL the time when I was pregnant. I remember my stomach waking me up (not the creature inside, but my actual stomach) at 2am and I HAD to eat something. I would be famished even after eating a large meal for dinner. – For those of you from the Midwest, when I say dinner I mean the evening meal not lunch. The evening meal is dinner not supper. The last supper was like 2000 years ago. There’s a painting showing the last supper hanging in a museum somewhere, so stop calling it supper. It makes my ass twitch to hear the word supper. It sounds stupid so just stop, ok?

Whether from puberty or pregnancy you won’t be able to control the rapid growth. **Pregnancy is not a time to diet.** So unless your mother, grandmothers and great-grandmothers all came away from pregnancy with out a mark you’re doomed to see those red lines. They will eventually fade and then only show up when attempting to tan. I think my red lines finally went away a couple months ago. I didn’t really notice when they disappeared. They didn’t leave a note. But I do know it took months because I remember wondering when they would finally leave.

Nothing topical helps cellulite either. The keys to keeping cellulite at bay are:

  • Eating plenty of fruits, vegetables, and fiber
  • Staying hydrated
  • Regular exercise – this doesn’t mean marathon insanity just get up and move around. Walking is great exercise
  • Maintaining a healthy weight for your body frame/type (if you’re doing the previous three listed bullets and there are no medical conditions or medications affecting weight, this one should fall into place on its own)
  • Not smoking

Cellulite forms when collagen in areas that have fat near the surface of the skin – mostly tights and butt on women – stretch, break down, or pull tight. This doesn’t mean that only fat people get cellulite. It has to do more with being female (it’s more common in women than men – lucky us) and the collagen stretching and/or breaking down because skinny women can have it too. Several things may play a role in cellulite forming, genetics, hormones, fad dieting, slow metabolism, and even dehydration.

I gained 42 pounds when I was pregnant. My digestive system slowed down, and hormones ran amuck. I had cottage cheese ass and it wasn’t pretty. I’m back to my regular 130 pounds and things are mostly back to normal. I don’t have the dimples, but some stuff will never be quite like when I was 23, ever.

The only thing the topical lotions/ointments and other crap are good for is dry itchy skin, however the itchiness isn’t going to go away completely if your skin is healing scars or stretching across a pregnant belly. You’ll only get temporary relief from that.

In the US we tend to bathe too often and it doesn’t help our skin at all. Note that though I’m aware of this tidbit I still shower daily unless I’m camping or I just want to be left alone to my dirty-hippy-vegan-patchouli-oil-wearing self. No, I’m not a vegan. I’ve never even considered being vegetarian, and I’ve NEVER used patchouli oil. For those of you who do use it you should know that those of us that don’t think you smell funny and not in any sort of good way. Now go take a fucking shower and wash your funky hair.

Using regular soap instead of soaps with their natural glycerin byproduct removed and/or added detergents really helps. If you want to know what’s in your soaps, lotions and other cosmetics go to the Environmental Working Group’s Skin Deep Cosmetic Safety Database.

Related posts:

Soap for Baby and Itchy Pregnancy Skin

Posted on by

Between hormones and skin stretching around baby watermelon, pregnancy will leave your skin very dry and itchy. I’ve seen some bloggy sites that recommend moisturizing body washes to remedy the problem, they’re very wrong. I don’t have a degree in dermatology nor chemistry to back my claim, but I’m standing by my words. They’re so wrong. Body washes and shampoos are often made with a combination of natural soap and a mild detergent. It’s not going to say in the ingredient list because cleansing agents are typically listed as Surfactants, and both soap and detergent are Surfactants. Even many “all natural” products are not true soaps.

What’s the difference and why do you care? Do you remember the old Zest commercials where the woman is wearing a black bathing suit? She washes half of herself with some soap and the other half with Zest and they show the “icky” residue from “that other soap”. The jingle was, “you’re not fully clean unless you’re Zestfully clean”. That other soap is a real soap. Real soap is more natural, more gentle on skin, and friendlier to the environment. The downside is that soap attaches to minerals, which translates into dull looking hair if you use it as a shampoo, and soap scum on the shower walls *if* you have hard water.

Now you’re saying, “but I’ve used (name of common name brand soapy soap) and it felt like I just had a face lift cause my skin was so tight I had a permagrin”. Most common brand name soapy soap soaps take out a lot of the glycerin from their soapy soap soaps. Glycerin is a natural byproduct of soap with great moisturizing properties. Homemade and smaller soap companies keep the glycerin in while larger manufacturers take a lot of it out to put in their lotion/moisturizer lines.

How do you find a good real soap? Some natural soap makers will list, “Saponified Olive Oil” on their ingredient list. The type of oil isn’t *that* important. The part that lets you know it’s real soap is the “Saponified” part followed by an oil. Olive oil is supposed to be the most gentle to the skin and is always the one recommended for babies, but a bar of pure olive oil soap gets slimy and dissolves quickly. Not that it really matters, but it also doesn’t lather very well especially in hard water, so if you equate suds to cleanliness you’ll be disappointed. Coconut oil isn’t nearly as moisturizing but gives a good lather. Combine the two, and there is a happy medium. There are a whole host of fancy and very expensive oils used in soaps…don’t waste your money. It’s really not worth it.

Apparently, another way to know if a particular soap is really soap is to test it for the date-rape drug, GHB. The makers of Dr. Bronner’s soaps even did a video about it.

On a semi related note, if you’re like me and try to keep things as basic as possible check out The Organic Consumers Association. They have also filed a lawsuit in California over companies that label their products as organic as a “Coming Clean” Campaign. They have found that many personal care products that are labeled “organic” contain the carcinogen 1,4-Dioxane.

If you want to know what’s in your personal care products check out the Environmental Working Group’s Skin Deep Cosmetic Safety Database.

The soap I use on myself and Sophia is Savon de Marseille. You can buy it at – Savon de Marseille or Several shops at Amazon.com

It’s expensive for a bar of soap, but these aren’t regular sized bars. They’re cubes and they last quite a while. Sophia’s shampoo is California baby, which you can buy at Target. What does chemical loving Kurtie use? He’s a guy, he uses whatever I buy. :P

Related posts:

Preggie Poops

Posted on by

There is a pregnancy product out there called Preggie Pops. Every time I saw the packaging I read, “Preggis POOPS”. Preggie Pops are meant to ward off morning sickness, but considering the first to ingredients in order are, SUGAR and Corn Syrup, I’m thinking this product is full of shit. Really, I think the best thing is to have a tiny bit of food in the stomach all the time. Eat several small meals instead of two or three large meals. But I didn’t really suffer from morning sickness so what the hell do I know. Anyway, this post is about Preggis POOPS. The very best advice I received for my pregnancy was to drink Citrucel.

From the Mayo Clinic…

Constipation is common in pregnancy for several reasons, including:

  • Hormone changes. An increase in the hormone progesterone during pregnancy slows the digestive process.
  • Iron supplements. Often given to prevent anemia in pregnancy, iron supplements can make constipation worse.
  • Changes in digestion. Your colon absorbs more water during pregnancy, which makes less water available for stool, resulting in harder stool.

Some tips for managing constipation during pregnancy include the following:

  • Eat on a regular schedule. Small, frequent meals can help ward off constipation.
  • Drink plenty of fluids, especially water. Aim for eight 8-ounces glasses a day.
  • Exercise every day. Simple activities, such as daily walks, can be effective.
  • Eat high-fiber foods, such as fruits, vegetables, beans and whole grains.
  • Try fiber supplements, such as psyllium powder, Metamucil or Citrucel.
  • If iron supplements are contributing to constipation, your doctor may adjust your dosage.

When a friend of mine called to congratulate me on my pregnancy with Sophia I could hear in the background her husband saying, “Tell her about Citrucel.” Over and over again.

Though it comes in a canister and is in a Tang like powder form, Citrucel is a great form of fiber and does not add to the already inflated amount of pregnancy gas. It’s awesome and will help things move right along. Make sure to follow the directions and add plenty of water. The only problem with it that I had was trying to drink it fast enough before all the fiber settles. I personally found it better to mix it in a six-ounce juice glass instead of a regular 12-ounce glass and trying to locate the 8-ounce mixing mark. I don’t know why things are always measured by an 8-ounce glass. I don’t think there’s any such thing. Damn Chinese products! You’ll have two ounces less to mix with, but it’s easier to down it quickly. If the fiber does settle, the texture of it could set off anyone with a hyper gag reflex. Anyone able to drink fast enough is golden. With the light orange Tang-y flavor, there is no nasty taste or aftertaste.

Citrucel is a fiber supplement not a laxative, but as with anything check with your doctor before using. I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV. This advice is not meant to take the place of talking to a doctor.

Related posts:

Pure sisterly ass-vice on pregnancy

Posted on by

1. I was much too tired to have any morning sickness. I just slept. I tend to refer to the first trimester of my pregnancy as my coma. I’ve heard that keeping bland crackers near the bed for near intravenous snacking really helps morning sickness, but I didn’t have that problem. Here are some symptoms I did have…

2. Your body will probably never be the same again. You may be able to get it close, but the pooch belly will probably always linger. Make your peace with that now and don’t worry about how many pounds you gain during your pregnancy. Some women gain 25, some gain 35. I gained 42. Your body will pack on the pounds you are supposed to gain no matter what you eat. That doesn’t mean you might as well go crazy with the chocolate cream pie or whatever, but don’t worry too much if your cravings take you away from dirty-hippy-vegan-leafy-granola-squirrel-food. The weight doesn’t just go to your belly either. You will get bigger EVERYWHERE and you will feel like you ARE a planet by the end of it. You’ve been warned – albeit a little late.

3. You are in fact eating for two, but remember one of you starts out about the size of a pea. Something the size of a pea couldn’t possibly need *that* much. Don’t force yourself to eat more than you can handle. Just eat as healthy as possible.

4. There are TONS of lists of what you should or should not eat and drink during pregnancy. You will drive yourself MAD trying to follow it all. The big one is to stop smoking crack. Never do a drug named after a part of your body (Dennis Leary). Seriously though, street drugs are a pretty obvious no-no.

The following three quoted areas are from Pregnancy Nutrition Guidelines by Elizabeth Eden at How Stuff Works*.

Alcohol:
In the US you will probably NEVER find a doctor that says it’s ok to have any amount of alcohol, however they will tell you not to worry about the drinks you had before you knew you were pregnant. I’ve known several people that had a drink here and there during there pregnancies and their kids came out just fine. I didn’t dare have any because it would be my luck that just smelling one silly drink would permanently harm my child.

No safe level of alcohol consumption has been established. As a result, it is best to take a cautious approach during pregnancy by abstaining from alcohol.

Cigarettes:
If you smoke you already know it’s not good, so I’m not going to beat a dead horse.

Caffeine:

increases production of stress hormones, causing constriction of uterine blood vessels, which lessens the blood flow to the uterus and may temporarily decrease the amount of oxygen reaching the fetus. Large amounts of caffeine cannot be good for your baby or you. However, caffeine consumption in small amounts (one to two cups of coffee per day) is considered safe during pregnancy.

Herbal Tea:

Some herbs and herbal teas contain drugs. Ginseng tea contains a small amount of estrogen. Chamomile tea contains ragweed, which can cause severe allergic reactions in some people. Teas made from juniper berries may cause stomach irritation. Just because herbal teas are considered to be natural does not mean they are safe for pregnant women. So, in general, avoid herbal teas except for those teas known to be safe for pregnancy such as peppermint and raspberry leaf.

I ran into a bunch of sites that say to stay away from soft cheeses and lunch meats. My thoughts are to just make sure the cheeses you eat are pasteurized (it should say on the label). I haven’t found a cheese in the US yet that isn’t pasteurized, including the ones listed as “no-nos” on the CDC web page about preventing listeria like feta and queso blanco fresco. As for the deli meats and such, don’t eat them past the expiration date and toss them after about a week.

The other thing I saw a lot of are sites saying to avoid fish because of mercury content, but it is safe to eat some fish in moderation (that’s always the key isn’t it?). FDA – What You Need to Know About Mercury in Fish and Shellfish.

Fish contains DHA, which is fabulous for brain development, so if you like fish at all don’t rule it out completely because of mercury fears.

The best sources of DHA are: seafood, algae, and especially coldwater fish. Omega-3 fatty acids are nature’s antifreeze. In general, the colder the water, the higher the omega-3 content in the fish oil. Popular sources of DHA are: salmon, sardines, and tuna. Eggs and organ meats have a small amount of DHA in them, but the healthiest source of dietary DHA is seafood. Two 4-ounce servings of omega-3-rich fish per week should yield a sufficient amount of omega-3 fatty acids, especially DHA. Besides fish oils, vegetable oils (primarily flaxseed, soy, and canola) are also rich sources of omega 3 fatty acids, with flaxseed oil being the best. The two F’s, fish and flax, are the top brain-building foods for growing children, and adults.

I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV. This advice is not meant to take the place of talking to a doctor.

*Eden, Elizabeth. “Pregnancy Nutrition Guidelines.” 17 November 2006. HowStuffWorks.com. 21 July 2008.

Related posts:

Page 1 of 812345678