Tag Archives: toddlers

Just Another Splash For The Adrenalin Junkie

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As we got ready for the day I told Sophia, “Come on let’s get ready for swimming.”

“Splash!” She said excitedly.

Great, yeah I’m going to get splashed a lot. There really isn’t any point to me putting my hair up in a bun is there? Sophia enjoyed jumping off the edge of the wall into my arms several times. On one occasion, she jumped before I said three and I was able to catch her before she was all the way in the water. The instructors frequently emphasis the importance of teaching the kids only jump when the cue is given, but this is the only time it feels like a dog obedience class for toddlers.

Then on one occasion after I gave the ok, Sophia didn’t quite jump, but instead slipped and rolled into the pool. I was standing at a jump distance and not prepared for the roll into the water. She went under and I saw bubbles floating up. I pulled her up. She looked scared. She didn’t cough at all so I guess I moved faster than it felt like I did. I must have retrieved her before she inhaled water. I was probably much more afraid than she was, but I hid my fear well or the child just recovers much more quickly than I expect. She almost immediately pointed to the edge of the pool indicating she wanted to go again, and she did. I think my heart continued to pound well after the class.

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Oblivious to the irony

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I took Sophia to a science-y indoor children’s play place a couple weeks ago. She had fun playing in the water area. I sat on a nearby bench for a while but she retrieved me after few minutes. She was unable to navigate around the adults milling about and micromanaging their children’s play. One parent kept telling their eighteen month old to not splash the water despite his wearing the provided waterproof smock and the floor being designed for water to drain underneath. *gratuitous eye roll*

I helped my invisible toddler around the adults so that she could play where she wanted. There were a couple other toddlers near her and their parents, a couple feet from me, were watching them. One mother observed how their two toddlers seemed oblivious of the kids around them and kept bumping into everyone to get the toys they wanted. She made the general sweeping remark, “Isn’t it funny how kids don’t seem to notice anyone else around them?” My kid doesn’t seem to have that problem, but whatever.

Sophia wanted to go to the other side of that area and tried to get around sweeping-generalizations-woman who was standing right in the middle. Sophia tried to go around the front of her, but the woman shifted her weight thereby blocking the path. Sophia went around the other side of the woman, and she almost made it. Not two minutes after her observation of toddlers, the woman sidestepped right into Sophia. Sophia didn’t fall, just stumbled, but the woman was completely oblivious. It seems to be a hereditary gene.

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Super Bowl Marathon Toddler Fest

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We went to friends’ house who hosts several parties a year. The last one we went to was just last month, their eldest son’s fifth birthday. Sophia didn’t do so well at that one. It started at a local bouncy house party place where she screamed and cried for an hour straight and then cried all the way to their house. She was fine once inside the house.

She must have remembered that party, because as Kurt and I approached their front door Sophia grabbed Kurt’s finger in an attempt to drag him back to the car. After we got through the door and into their playroom for a few minutes, she was fine.

We had five, count them FIIVE, two-year olds, a three year old, a five year old, and a six year old. The place became rather loud. At some point those of us in the house were trying to pawn off children to those in the garage with the homemade beer and projector screen TV, but they all kept coming back. I didn’t catch all of what was said, but at some point the husband of the hostess was apologizing for the kids coming back. She said it was ok because we’ve already missed about half the game, and I said, “there’s a game on?” Not that I care, I didn’t even know who was playing. Well, ok I could name one team, but I don’t know who won this year. I don’t understand the game anyway, and I was busy feeding Sophia brownies (not that kind!), chips and a Reese’s peanut butter cup.

It was a day of a lot of firsts. Sophia didn’t just play along side the other kids, she actually played with them for a bit. She also said about ten words to our host who was just tickled by it since Sophia warmest look towards him has always been a scowl.

After the game was over and one of the toddlers went home, the rest of the younger kids were put into PJs and set loose. I don’t know how it started (probably by the two older kids) but they all started running laps around the inside of the house. One of the toddlers took a corner a little two sharp. That’s gonna be a huge welt on the forehead, but he literally shook it off and got back in the race. Round and round they went, then the kids started to change directions. You know this is going to end badly. Sophia seemed to take the longest to realize the traffic flow had changed, either that or she just likes swimming upstream. Round and round they went some more.

It was the two eldest kids that collided. The boy received a tooth to the forehead and the girl partly tore the bit of skin that is attached from the upper lip to the gums. The girl seemed to be in more pain. She was sitting on the counter having her mouth inspected by her personal nurse. Sophia offered a hug. The host, the one Sophia typically only scowls at, lifted her up so she could give her hug. My child has empathy. If she didn’t look exactly like us (mostly me) I’d be taking her right back to the hospital and demanding they give me my real child. This just isn’t possible. It’s like a genetic anomaly that between Kurt and I, we have a child with empathy. It must be a phase.

While the older kids were having their injuries inspected Sophia and the older girl’s toddler sister each grabbed one of Kurt’s hands and forced him to run laps with them. No joke. He didn’t actually run, I mean the man is 6’4”, but apparently the girls wanted someone to boss around and Kurt fit the bill.

As we were all leaving, Sophia and her sidekick gave each other a hug. I think these two may become best friends. Over the summer at one of the parties from the same hosts, these two even kissed…on the lips.

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Talk to your children about E.D.

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While watching a commercial about erectile dysfunction weeks ago, Kurt took the time to work with Sophia’s existing vocabulary.

Kurt: Do you have erectile dysfunction?
Sophia: No
Kurt: Do you have prostate cancer?
Sophia: No
Kurt: Do you even have a prostate?
Sophia: No
Kurt to me: She’s already ahead of the other toddlers, she even knows Biology.

November, 30 posts in 30 days nablopomo.com

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Melting Groceries and Car Alarms

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I hate electronics, computers (except my laptop *petting HP Pavilion*), and gadgets of all sorts (except my digital SLR *petting Nikon D60*). Anytime something is made in order to make our lives simpler it complicates things. It’s just one more thing to break. *grumble*

Last week we had a bit of heat wave. Shut up you out-of-staters! It was hot. Even I thought it was hot. I, who used to wear a poncho at work to make a statement about how fucking cold the office was during the winter or anytime the AC was on in the summer.

Even though Thursday was two degrees cooler than Wednesday, according to the weatherman, that day truly tested my patients. Truly. It actually started out well. Knowing I wanted to spend the day in the sun, I packed a soft-sided cooler big enough to hold at least a half-rack of beer. I didn’t pack any beer. The cooler was way more than I needed for snacks, but I brought a lot of water because it was going to be HOT.

Sophia and I went to her swim class then I took her to the beach. It’s not really a beach. There isn’t any sand, but it’s all we have, so it’s a beach. The parks and recreation department recently made “improvements” to the area and added a playground. It sucks ass for toddlers or anyone who is prone to motion sickness. The person who chose the park equipment apparently LOVES climbing and spinning in circles. The first is fine, the latter not so much. Spinning Sucks! We moved on to a different park within the area. It hadn’t been updated since the ‘70s. When was my last tetanus shot? *shrug* Oh well, at least there wasn’t any spinning.

So far, we had been in and out of the car three times. One more stop before heading home. I had to pick a couple things for dinner. I used the car remote to simultaneously lock and arm the car alarm as usual before heading into the store with Sophia. I grabbed the couple of things I needed, paid, and headed back to the car in the now blazing sun with my recently purchased perishables. I pushed the button that should simultaneously disarm and unlock the car. Nothing. Pushed it again. Still nothing. I pushed it another 500 times, each time thinking, “it’s gotta work *this* time.” No go. Poor Sophia, her toddler head was baking in the sun. I grumbled and headed back to the entrance of the store with the cart and Sophia to call my hubby. “How do I open this stupid piece of shit remote and what battery does it need?” I asked.

I opened the stupid remote and out fell the battery and the metal piece that is supposed to hold said battery in place. SHIT! I went back to the car. Holding the battery in place while firmly pressing on the metal piece to try and give it just enough of a connection I pressed the button. The alarm system was not convinced. Many sailor words, which some oddly refer to as “French” as in “Please excuse my French”, few out of my mouth. I don’t understand why it’s referred to as French. If they were at all French they would be spelled completely different. Shit would be “shautet” and pronounced something like “saw-eh” and Fuck would be “faucket”, pronounced “fock-eh”. Neither have the punch of a hard consonant ending that I sought. Don’t get me wrong. I love the French and their language sounds beautiful. They just add too many useless damn vowels. Except for maybe ex-president Dubya, one always knows the origin of a word like entrepreneur by the number of vowels.

With one last GODDANMIT-STUPID-FUCKER-WORK-ALREADY I said screw it and opened the trunk with the actual key. The alarm went off, of course. I put the groceries in, slammed it shut, and tried to open the door with the key. No go. Once the alarm goes off the doors remain locked. Bastard.

I wheeled the cart and baby back to the store to purchase a new battery. EVERYONE in the parking lot stared at me. I went back to the car with the remote and new battery. Nothing. Thoughts ran through my mind of being able to get into the car someday and then happily backing over the remote repeatedly. It made me smile briefly. I think the remote knew it. Bastard.

I didn’t know what to do. Everyone I knew was at work. If I called a towing company there still wouldn’t be anyway for me to get home. Even if they were inclined to give rides it would be illegal for them to take me without a car seat for Sophia. Oh wait! My friend who lives close is on maternity leave. Yay! I opened the trunk to retrieve my rotting-in-the-sun perishables, which set off the alarm again. People stared at me, again. I called my friend to pick me up.

I sounded like a lost kid calling mom, “can you come get me?”
“Where are you?”
“Fred Meyer”

Seriously, that’s how the conversation went. I was a pathetic lost puppy. Poor Sophia was confused about why we couldn’t just get in the car and why it kept making that sound.

Remembering that I had brought a cooler I went back to the trunk of the car and opened it one last time. The alarm went off AGAIN and people stared at me AGAIN. After removing our snacks and water all my groceries fit into it. Yay!

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Car Seats

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I don’t know when this happened. I must have slept though something. I can’t believe it isn’t just toddlers that have to be in a car seat, but any child under 8 years old or under 80lbs. (Car Seat Laws) It may be safer, but why does it need to be a law? Do we really care if someone else isn’t putting their kid in a perfect air purified, bullet proof bubble? Were consumers not spending enough on car seats?

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